But then my stomach churns. I remember shoving the USB back into my tote bag afterwards, too.
Another memory reaches me, one that’s filled with gray furniture and green eyes and sage scents.
I grab my phone off the couch with one hand, and Rosie’s arm with the other. “I’ll double check my desk, you call Grant.”
She doesn’t protest when I’ve yanked her into my room and plopped my phone next to her on the bed. Every ounce of successI’ve built up to this point is crashing around me, and I throw the belongings in my desk drawers carelessly.
Amid my chaos, I listen to Rosie’s conversation and hope for the best.
The call is on speaker. Grant answers in two rings.
“Hey, baby.”
I’m too occupied with tossing books and papers aside, I don’t look at Rosie, but I segue for her. “Rosie, tell him.”
“Hey Grant.” She holds the first word for effect. I think she’s trying to lighten the mood, but my hands are shaking the longer I search and find nothing. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Sorry it’s like this.”
It’s instant how his voice changes, panicked and jumpy like I am. “What happened? Is Liliana okay?”
“She’s…” Rosie trails off. I’ve already searched through half of my desk with nothing to show for it, my breath quickening again. “She’s kind of panicking right now.”
Not kind of. I am. This is the worst thing that could have happened.
My parents explained I would still be their pride and joy if I fail this class. Anxiety and dread aren’t piling up because of my need to impress them.
Arguably, it’s worse. After sitting with the thought of being happy for myself, and chasing success because I want it, seeing it slip away so quickly rips me apart. The meaning behind this grade changed. For the first time, this accomplishment was supposed to be forme.
I’m trying my hardest not to hyperventilate. I should focus on breathing steadily, but I can’t while rummaging for a sign that the work wasn’t for nothing.
“What’s wrong? Do you need me to come there? I’ll leave right now.”
“Wait!” Rosie answers quickly. “Okay, so, Liliana might have lost her USB with her final on it.”
“The short story?!”
“Yes. She can’t find it.”
There’s only one more drawer to check, and anxious tears are rapidly descending onto the carpet.
I can hear Grant’s soft voice dripping in worry. “Lily?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s the one you tossed at me, right?”
I halt. Turn back to Rosie on my bed and grab the phone out of her hand.
“Oh my gosh you’re right. I had a vague memory of having it at your place, but that’s it. That’s the last time I saw it.” I start to breathe again. I know where it is, so I can grab it from him, and it’ll be fine. “Do you think I can go over to look?”
I expect him to happily invite me over, but he sighs from the other side of the phone. Rosie’s brows stitch together, and my breathing becomes irregular again.
“I’m so sorry, baby. But I cleaned the entire apartment yesterday. It’s not there.”
Hope dies as quickly as it came. My ears are ringing. “How can it not be there? I don’t have it.”
Rosie gently takes the phone away from me and holds it between us. It’s the first time I notice how much I’m shaking.
“Where did it go after you tossed it?”
