It’s not that Heath doesn’t know my financial situation has changed. He just doesn’t care. And I’m thankful.
His solid shoulder bumps into mine. If we were standing, I’m sure it would’ve sent me off-balance. “Anything else going on? Besides art and school?”
I clear my throat and avoid eye contact.
“A lot.”
Like every time he asks this question, I lie.
“Really?” His frowns, the telltale sign he doesn’t believe a word I’m saying. We’ve been around each other so much, I easily pick up on these things. I don’t doubt he can do the same to me. “Interesting. How’s Derek, then?”
I sigh and roll my neck uncomfortably.
Lifelong best friends shouldn’t be an awkward subject. Not when you’ve been balancing each other since elementary school. Derek was the jock who was fawned over by parents, girls, and recruiters. I was the art kid in the back of the room who just wanted to draw. We were opposites, but we fit each other.
And even when Derek’s baseball skills took him to the west coast for college, and I stayed in Boston, our friendship didn’t falter. We stayed up-to-date with each other. A week or two of silence, at most.
Having him back in the city should have been good for both of us. Even better, he can see Heath and his family more often—or he could. If he answered any of our texts or calls.
I’ve made too many excuses for him. Heath didn’t believe them for long. I don’t think he’ll believe them now.
Still, for my best friend, I’ll try.
“Derek is good.”
“Yeah. Cause you would know.” My cousin chuckles, and I wonder why I thought I could lie to begin with. “If you ever hear from him again, tell him Clementine misses him.”
“I’ll hear from him soon.”
“I hope so.”
The grass I toss at Heath connects, even if it’s barely by a graze of his shoulder. He tsks and shakes his head.
“Your best friend—only friend?” He laughs and I roll my eyes. “Is still out of commission. Nothing else to report. So… aside from school, you have no life, then?”
“I have a life.”
“Besides drawing and painting all day?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Watching YouTube videos about defunct theme parks doesn’t count.”
“Well, it should.” I mumble.
Heath sighs before checking on Clementine. She continues to color chaotically on the page. A small pang of jealousy runs through me, realizing that even when she’s not looking, there’s still someone in her corner, watching after her.
These random stings of loneliness have been finding me more often, and I’m afraid if I let myself sink too far into my feelings, I won’t find my way out.
I don’t live off social interaction usually. This year, though, with my best friend being so close yet so far, and Keller’s suffocating attention, it’s felt more empty than usual.
Heath lingers on the subject longer than I’d like. Turning to me, he pries, “Seriously? Nothing?” I open my mouth to answer, then realize he’s caught every bluff before. There’s no reason to waste my breath. “No offense man, but you’re kind of a loser.”
“Okay, asshole,” I whisper, and hope Clem doesn’t hear. “I’m satisfied with my life, you know.”
I have a nice apartment, I enjoy what I do, and my skills are improving. I’m on the road to achieving my goals of illustrating children’s books. There’s not much more I can ask for.
My shrugs. “Satisfied and happy aren’t the same thing. I learned that the hard way.”
