“Dad was messing with your head. It’s one of his tactics.”
His smile falters at the end. He recovers quickly and goes back to laughing to himself, but I caught those few seconds. Lily’s adamant claims that my siblings are the only people whoknow what it’s like being Keller McCarthy’s kids start echoing in my head.
I ask again, “What did Billie tell Liliana?”
Locke begins to calm, voice returning to the same even tone I’m used to. “It’s embarrassing.”
“I’d still like to know.”
Silence fills the car. Locke starts fidgeting with his glasses, and I’m sure now it’s his nervous telltale. He retreats into himself, shoulders tensing.
I can’t let the information fall past my fingers when I’ve managed to sit next to my half-brother, sharing thoughts and feelings. I’ve come too far.
“Liliana and I got into an argument over this She said the way I see you two isn’t fair, and that I make assumptions about your lives without talking to you about it. And it’s not as perfect as I make it out to be.”
Locke sniffles. “That’s vague. And accurate.”
“She’s passionate about this. She wants me to figure it out. She thinks it’ll be good for me to speak to you and Billie because you’re the only people who know what it’s like being Keller’s kids.”
I leave out the part where Liliana lectured me about my inability to forgive. I’m still trying to process it on my own.
Locke nods. He does that a lot. Whether it’s because he’s agreeing with me, or if it’s because he’s thinking. But to everything I say, he nods.
“She sounds like a great girlfriend.”
“She is. Whatever they talked about matters to her, and she went through a lot of trouble to show me I’m able to grow as a person.” I tap my fingers across my thigh impatiently. “But I need to know what I’m working with, so I can continue to grow.”
“I see.” He looks back onto the street. “Billie told her that we…” He coughs. “Really admire you. And it’s nice to have someone else who knows what it’s like to be dad’s kid.”
I breathe out. It’s not exactly what Lily has told me before, but it’s pretty close. There has to be more.
Locke glances at me nervously. “She also said that I…” He groans and drops his head into his hands. “Idolize you.”
I wait for him to correct himself, because I couldn’t have heard him right. When he doesn’t lift his head, shock and confusion drown me.
“I’m sorry. Idolize?”
“Please don’t repeat it.”
“Idolize is…” I laugh in disbelief. “A lot.”
He continues to talk, voice muffled through his hands. “That’s why I’m mortified.”
“Why would you idolize me?”
He throws his head back against the headrest. “Because. You’re so cool. You don’t take any shit from dad. You do whatever you want. You have a super-hot girlfriend-”
I snap my fingers and point at him. “You’re getting a little too comfortable with the compliments, Locke.”
He chuckles a bit but continues to stare at my car’s ceiling. “Dad scares me. I do whatever he wants. I always have. But when he tries with you, you don’t. You never fall in line.” If I wasn’t listening intently to every word he whispers, I would’ve missed it. “You’re the older brother I’ve always wanted.”
Shock courses through me. This isn’t even the opposite of what I thought. It’s in another dimension. It’s other worldly. My assumptions about Locke, Billie, and my relatives are backwards, and I press my hand onto my forehead.
“But when I’m around, you’re so quiet and fidgety, like you hate being around me.”
“I’m shy.”
I glance over at the passenger seat, and it’s like a new person is there. Shoulders slumped and falling into himself, the idea I’ve built of Locke crashes. He starts to speak again despite me struggling to get ahold of my thoughts.
