Being moved like cargo, like merchandise.
My stomach turns. "How many?"
"Six, they think."
Six children.
Six lives hanging in the balance.
Six kids who are counting on men like Gunnar to save them.
"And Gunnar's going."
"Yes. They all are. Fenrir, Runes, Tor, Hakon, Ulf—everyone."
Everyone.
The men I've known my whole life, riding into danger.
The man I love, risking everything again.
Just weeks after nearly dying from a stab wound.
"He almost died last time," I whisper.
"I know."
"What if?—"
"Don't." Mom's voice is firm. "Don't go down that road. It doesn't help anything."
"How do you do it?" I look at her—my mother, who's been an ol’ lady for longer than I've been alive. "How do you watch Dad ride out knowing he might not come back?"
She's quiet for a moment, sets the spatula aside and leans against the counter.
Her expression is thoughtful, careful, like she's choosing her words with precision.
"I pray," she says finally. "I trust. And I remind myself that the man I married isn't the kind who sits back while bad things happen. He fights. He protects. That's who he is. That's who he's always been. I fell in love with that, and I can't ask him to be someone else."
"But the fear?—"
"The fear never goes away. You just learn to live with it. Learn to breathe through it. Learn to function even when everypart of you wants to fall apart." She reaches across the counter, takes my hand. "It's the price we pay for loving men like them. Men who stand between the darkness and the innocent. It's terrifying and it's beautiful and it's the life we chose."
"I didn't choose this."
"Didn't you?" She smiles gently. "You chose Gunnar. You chose to love him. This is part of him—the protection, the violence, the willingness to risk everything for what's right. You can't separate the man from the mission."
I know she's right and I hate that she's right, but it doesn't make the fear any less real.
Doesn't make the thought of losing him any less devastating.
"Eat," she says, sliding a plate in front of me. "You need your strength. It's going to be a long day."
After breakfast, I wander through the clubhouse.
Restless.
Unable to sit still.
