I bolted from the bathroom and climbed into the bed onthe right side, the one closer to the bathroom door. I plugged my phone and charger into a power strip integrated into the heavy wooden nightstand.
Fancy.
The night before, when Nicolai had been off his rocker with drink, he’d staggered over to the left side of the bed like it was a habit, so that must his accustomed side. His phone was already plugged in over there.
But should I even be sleeping in the bed?
Last night, Nicolai had insisted that I sleep in the bed and not on the floor, offering instead to sleep on the floor himself, but he’d passed out in the bed right after he’d said that.
What would he think if he saw me hogging the bed? Would he be mad?
As I started to spiral, Nicolai strolled out of the bathroom wearing loose pajama pants and a tee shirt, and he wandered around to his side of the bed.
The blue-black ink of his tattoo sleeve emerged from his tee shirt and covered his left arm almost to his wrist.
When he wore a dress shirt, the sleeve and collar of the shirt barely but completely covered the tattoo. The top of the design swirled just over the crest of his shoulder and dipped to emphasize his pectoral muscle.
“I can sleep on the couch in the living room if you want,” I blurted. “Or on the floor. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor. They say it’s good for your back.”
Nicolai frowned at his phone, angling it as he looked, but set it down without swiping anything. “Is something wrong with the bed?”
“No. It’s fine.”
“Because I can have them bring up a different mattress if you’d prefer something softer or with more support.”
“Dear God, no! I just don’t know what you’re comfortable with.”
He sat on his side of the bed. “Have you changed your mind about what you want from me?”
Saying out loud that he could go downtown on me any time he wanted to seemed too forward, so I shook my head.
“Tell me the real reason.”
The real reason?
There were too many.
I might snore. Or kick. Or hog the covers.
Because I wasn’t used to sleeping with someone else because I never had, because Jimmy had never stayed over, because I had a twin bed in my tiny studio apartment, because I didn’t even have a cat to sleep with me, because Nicolai might not want to sleep in the same bed as me or anyone,because of all of it.
“This is a fake marriage, and we shouldn’t pretend it’s anything else because you’ll break my heart,” I blurted. “And I don’t want that to happen again. Because ithurts.”
Nicolai squeezed his eyes closed, and his head tilted downward. “Oh, my angel.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t know whether you should even call me things like angel.”
“It really was just a few days ago, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, and you’ve had years to get over from when Hanna broke your heart.”
He snorted a quiet laugh. “Hannelore didn’t ‘break my heart.’”
“But you were together a long time. You wereengagedto her.”
“Yes.”
I waited for him to say something else, anything else, about Hanna and him.
