My brain stuttered, and skidded, and stopped.
Why didn’t he have to do that?
I didn’tlikeviolence.
No, I wasn’tsupposedto like violence.
Thoughts connected into a string.
I wasn’t supposed to like it when someone defendedme,because I was supposed to defend their values and beliefs, but askingto be defendedin return would cause too much trouble.
I wasn’t supposed to cause trouble.
I wasn’t supposed to ask anyone to do anything forme.
I was only supposed to give.
And to work.
For them.
I was sick inside. “I don’t care about Jimmy anymore. You don’t have to punch him because I don’t care about him.”
There was truth in that.
“I likeyou,”I told Nicolai. “I likedthis.”
His hand stroked my back in big sweeps, a gentle and gentling caress. “Yes, angel. Me, too.”
“But you said wecan’t.You said I can’t evenkissyou anymore.”
Nicolai sighed deeply into his stomach, his tough muscles rippling under my cheek, and he grumbled, “We really need to negotiate that pre-nup.”
Horror dumped icy water on me. “You’re going to say that we can’t do this anymore, aren’t you?”
“It’s so late, angel. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”
“Nope.Now.You’re going to put in the contract that we can’t do this anymore. That ifIkissyou,that ifIhugyou,that ifItouchyou,thenI’vebroken the contract.”
I wassogoing to get taken advantage of.
My body craved him. I flattened my hand over the ridges of his abdominal muscles, feeling the hard cobbles under my palm and fingers, and then I turned my head on his chest to look up at him. “I don’t want to sign a contract like that.I won’t.”
Nicolai stroked down my arm to my hand with my wedding rings on it, lifted it to his mouth, and kissed the backs of my fingers. “We should establish boundaries. Obviously, abstinence isn’t going to work. It never does.”
“It worked for me,” I mumbled.
“It isn’t working for you anymore.”
“Good point.”
Nicolai pursed his lips for a moment, then said, “My suggestion is that, if you are sure that you want me to introduce you to what your body can do, can feel, we indulge. Sex is one of life’s few diversions.”
His long stroke down my arm and over the curve of my hip was an exclamation point on his sentence.
“If you mean doing more things likethat,I’m in. But Iwant you to teach me what to do to you, too. The point of this isn’t just to—todo things.I want to begoodat doing things. I want guys to say the things about me that those girls said about you. I want them to say that I have a... a magic ...P.”
I swear to God that Nicolai’s eyes widened a fraction, and the tan on his cheeks pinkened. The dark circles of his pupils definitely expanded in his eyes, stretching into the teal-blue of his irises like a hunting cat. “If you insist.”
