Nebraska is really far from every ocean.
And yet,oceansweren’t the problem.
“As what,buddies? Roommates?”I demanded.
“Until we sort this out. You’re worth waiting for.”
Jimmy’s other woman had been standing in the crowd atmy wedding. They’d beenliving together.They’d obviously been sexually involved. “Evidently, I’mnot.”
“You were waiting to indulge until you were married.”
“We are married.”
“Don’t you want to wait for your real husband, the one you’ll spend your life with, not give yourself away to an inebriated bum you scraped off the sidewalk?”
Nicolai was watching me very closely this whole time, his eyes moving as his attention darted to every twitch of my eyebrows and mouth.
“How old were you, your first time?” I asked him.
His face blanked any sort of emotional expression, like he’d slapped a mask on. “I don’t see how that has any bearing on this conversation.”
“How old?”
He grimaced. “Fourteen.”
“You were—Jesus,Nico! Did someonehurtyou?” I was riled up and ready to pummel someone. “Did a teacher or a coach take advantage of you when you werea kid?”
His dismissive shoulder twitch mollified me. “It wasn’t a teacher. Mores are different at boarding school. She was my age. Well, she was sixteen, but barely, and I was almost fifteen. It was mutual. I didn’t date freshmen, even when I was one.”
He got an older woman.Figured.“Well, my point is thatyoudidn’t wait.”
“Of course not. I’m a—” Nicolai trailed off and pressed his lips closed.
I almost laughed at his sudden switch from natural arrogance to mortification at what he’d nearly said, but I went with outrage. “Go ahead. Say it.I dare you.”
He shook his head.“Absolutely not.”
“Fine, but I’m done waiting. I mean it. I don’t want to live half a life.”
He squeezed his eyes like this whole conversation painedhim. “Having sex isn’t everything. Not having it isnotliving half a life.”
“Says the dude who’s hada lotof it.”
“Come on, now.Mypoint is that you can do better than me.”
“Heh.That’s not what the girls at the Omnia said.”
He rolled his eyes a tiny bit, the smallest possible expression of disdain. “I have a standing agreement with a few of the women I went to school with. I pay them a thousand dollars every time they tell someone I’m a good fuck.”
I paused. “Really?”
Nicolai sighed. “No, it was supposed to be a joke. I should have said ten grand to make it believable. They wouldn’t evensaysomething for a mere thousand dollars.”
“Yeah, they didn’t look like they were lying or flattering you behind your back. I swear to God that Ottalie was almost crying when Clementine told her you really were married, saying she was going to miss your . . . sparkling conversation.”
The corners of his eyes contracted, a wince. “No one has accused me of seducing women with my sparkling conversation.”
Yeah, they were more interested in his magic D. “Look, the point is that I want to make my own decisions about my life and my body.Iwasn’t savingme.Jimmy sure as heckers wasn’t celibate. He didn’t wait forme.He had someone else. Jimmy had been savingmyvirginity forhiswedding night like he was hiding a bottle of wine in a cellar to celebrate his own triumph, so he could drink italone.”
