Within a year, she would be champing at the bit to get away from me.
I must restrain myself from taking her virginity because once Lexi truly understood what it meant to live my life, she would leave.
And I wouldneedthat annulment from the church.
The imperative echoed in my head.
If Lexi wasn’t the woman with whom I would have children, then Ineededan annulment so I could marry someone who would be.
No reasons, justdriving insistencefilled every damned cell of my being.
And again, Lexi would not be able to tolerate the security bubble in the long run.
My situation was one of the reasons Hannalore had listed when she’d broken things off with me. Hanna could live with servants and staff, but not with ongoing restrictive security protocols.
That, and I didn’t seem capable of love, a fact that neither of us had mentioned over the quiet lunch, but we’d both acknowledged it in the prior months.
CHAPTER 20
never again
LEXI
Iwalked into the bedroom of Nicolai’s hotel suite at the Billionaire Sanctuary club, believing that those were the last few minutes of my life when I would be a virgin.
Surely, what had happened in the car, what we’ddone,how he’d touched me,surelythat was a prelude tosomething.
Right?
Opulent pale blue velvet and silver cords draped the king-sized bed and tufted the plush headboard.
I sat on my side of the bed and stared at the empty doorway, waiting, shivering, or maybe shaking.
The night before I was supposed to marry Jimmy Johnson, Jimmy had sent me a picture of himself sprawled on the bridal suite bed at the Monaco Hotel and Casino because he’d been staying there before our wedding. White nylon netting poofed like clouds around the wide bed on the platform, a virgin wedding-night theater set.
The insinuation wasHere’s where I’m going to take away your virginity.
Whereyouwill be changed.
Byhim.
Butnow I was in a different suite.
In a different hotel.
With an altogether different husband.
With someone Iwantedto touch me, not just get it over with.
I kicked off my shoes, the bones of my feet shifting to settle flat on the thick carpeting. My ankles and hamstrings stretched so good.
In the car, Nicolai had wanted me, too.
I waswanted.
I wasn’t loved. I understood that.
But at least, for now, finally, at least a little, I was wanted.
