I nodded, mostly so I wouldn’t say anything else.
The bathroom door slammed open, and three gorgeous, slim, fashionable women strode inside, moving in a chevron like a fighter plane attack formation.
My body flushed and misted with sweat like the mean girls at Scottsbluff High had caught me alone in the girls’ room without my theater friends around.
Clementine grabbed my arm and shoved me behind her. “Ottalie, Charlotte.” Her voice dropped a few notes, and she almost snarled.“Poppy.”
The woman on the right raised her blond eyebrows at Clementine but didn’t answer.
“What do you need?” Clementine asked them all.
“Victoria said Nicolai Romanov got married last night,” the one in the middle said. “She said that he Vegas-married some woman he met in Italy a few years ago and has been keeping her asecret.”
Clementine lifted her chin and surveyed the three women confronting us. “It’s true.”
They wilted and covered their mouths with their hands like an atrocity had occurred.
The leftward one muttered, “Goddamn it.”
The middle one sighed.“Shit.The one guy withskills.”
Right-side chick said, “Ever since Hannelore broke things off with him, he’s been the onereliableguy to have some fun with. What are we going to do for rebounds now? For a quick fuck?Damn.”
Left-side said, “One of the few heteros left,gone.Just like that,gone.And the rest of them are all poster-children for themale loneliness epidemic because they wouldn’t know how to find a clitoris with a ruler and a YouTube instructional video.”
Right-side girl said, “He didn’t even fuckingtextme that he was off the market. For two years, I’ve jumped on a plane at his beck and call, running all over the world to slide into his bed whenever he slides into my DMs, andnothing.Not even a courtesy text that he was seeing someone seriously, or was engaged, or even that the booty calls were over.”
“Poppy,you couldn’t expect him to callallthe girlsindividuallythathe was fucking,” Clementine said. “It would’ve takenhours.Maybedays.AndOttalie,surely you didn’t think he was going to marryyou.”
Left-side girl, who was evidently Ottalie, glared at Clementine. “I was just in it for the dick. Half of those guys out there are fucking each other. Nicolai wasoneguy worth my time in bed. And I didn’t expect him to marry me. I wouldn’t want to marry a guy who doesn’t feel emotion.”
Clementinetskedher teeth. “That’s ridiculous.”
Charlotte nodded. “Hannelore thinks he’s a sociopath. She said hepresentslike he’s the perfect man, but when the son of the Duke of Atholl flirted with her, and Michael outranks Nicolai in the UK, you know, Nico just shrugged. They never fought aboutanythingbecause he didn’t care what she did. When she broke up with him, he waspleasant.His manners at lunch were perfect. He didn’t even drop his fork or pause before taking his next bite. Hannalore would’ve been insulted if she weren’tjustlike him.”
Poppy shook her head. “Nico is great for a night or a weekend, but I wouldn’t want to marry a guy who won’t evenpretendhe loves you at least a little, even if he does have a magic dick.”
Oh, wow.How many people thought Nicolai hada magic dick?Had they all talked about it and agreed on the terminology?
I didn’t have to worry about that, I insisted to myself. Nicolai’s previous sex life was none of my concern.
This marriage was a contract for a year and nothing more.
An interlude.
“I guess it’s back to the battery-operated boyfriend if I want to have an O.” Ottalie gazed off behind us somewhere.“Damn,I’m going to miss the D.”
Charlotte scowled. “It’s just the lack ofwarning,none at all. Just ‘So long, and thanks for all the fucks.’ Jesus Christ, I’m going to miss that giant dick of his.”
Giant.Not just magic, butgiant.
The bathroom floor bounced as my knees wobbled.
Clementine lifted her hands and swiveled her head like a mime in a box.“Please!I’m hiscousin!I do not want to know aboutmy cousin’senormous cock.”
Poppy half-collapsed, her shoulders rounding. “It was really his tongue. First the tongue, then the dick. Damn, I just wanted one last good-bye fuck, you know?”
Ottalie snarked, “Cosima Biggsly had just gotten on his list after seeing the recs in our group chat. She’s going to be devastated that she only got one turn at the trough.”
