She snorted. “No pressure.”
He was silent again, and Maddie could almost feel the storm churning inside him. She wondered just how much Roan was holding back, if it was anger, or fear, or something else—something tangled up in all those times he’d hovered too close, or glared at anyone who dared look at her twice, or snapped at her for getting five feet ahead on their journey.
“So, the Kingdom of Venom,” she prompted. “Is it true they drink blood and eat their young, or was that just a rumor?”
Roan let out a sharp sound. “Where’d you hear that?”
“I didn’t. I’m just trying to make conversation,” Maddie grinned to herself. It was a little too fun getting under his skin.
“Every kingdom has its rotten apples, just like humans. The bad apple in KOV just happened to have a lot of power. Azure’s ambition nearly destroyed the balance between the kingdoms. And considering the mess we’ve found ourselves in, he actually might have succeeded. I don’t know if he was successful in killing Katy, using her to finish making the human women into animi.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for the reminder.” Maddie’s mind caught again on Lola and Katy and their own predicament. The two girls whose pain she’d felt like it was her own. She closed her eyes, fighting the emotions. “We should have gone with them. You could have helped. We could have waited for this whole ‘new shaman dog show’ until after Azure was taken care of.”
Roan’s voice turned rough. “We have no idea how your powers are going to manifest. In a stressful situation like having your best friends' lives at risk, you could go volatile and accidentally kill someone.”
“True, but I hate not knowing if they’re okay,” she muttered.
He was silent for a heartbeat, then, “They will be. Gage will allow no other outcome, nor will Callon. Any male worth his salt would do everything in his power to protect his female andeveryone she holds dear. Just as I will protect you, even from yourself.”
His words sent heat racing up her neck, anger, and something softer mingling in her chest. “You’re bossy, you know that? Overbearing, annoying, and incredibly frustrating.”
“You’re reckless, stubborn, and impossible to reason with,” Roan shot back, but his tone was warm.
Maddie grinned in the dark. “So, we’re even.”
The hours dragged on in the sticky dark, Maddie’s anxiety and Roan’s brooding presence filling the silence between their banter. Every so often, Maddie would ask a question—about the other kingdoms, about magic, about what shamans actually did—and Roan would answer, sometimes with a word, sometimes with a grunt, never with the whole truth. He was a puzzle she wanted to solve and a throat punch she wanted to give in equal measure. Had one arm not been wrapped behind him and one arm shoved between them, she probably would have tried a throat punch.
At one point, Maddie asked, “Why did you really bring me to Silk first?”
Roan hesitated. “Lyric’s a female shaman. I thought . . . you’d be more comfortable.”
She huffed. “Great call, boss. Ten out of ten, would not recommend.”
He grunted, but she could feel the tension in him, the way he held her even tighter, as if he could shield her from the world by sheer will alone.
Sometime later, the darkness grew heavier, and Maddie’s eyelids began to droop. She fought sleep, afraid of the dreams that might come, afraid of what might happen if she let go.
Roan’s voice, soft but iron-edged, cut through her drowsiness. “Get some sleep,Nushawani.I’ll keep watch.”
She wanted to argue, but his tone brokered no debate. She let herself relax, just a little, surrounded by the warmth of him, the comfort of his stubborn presence.
For the first time since they’d been cocooned, Maddie felt almost safe. She drifted toward sleep, the sound of Roan’s heartbeat steady in her ear, and wondered—just for a moment—if maybe, just maybe, he cared about her as much as she was starting to care about him.
Roan listened to Maddie’s slow breathing, felt the tension bleed out of her muscles as sleep finally claimed her. He didn’t let himself relax, not for a second. His mind raced—calculating, planning, listening for every scrape of claw and whisper of silk in the dark.
He hated this. Hated being helpless, hated not being able to fight his way out or protect her if not with magic than with brute strength. Maddie was infuriating—a force of nature, all sharp edges and stubborn pride—but she was his to protect. Even if she’d never admit she needed it.
He glanced down at the top of her head, feeling something twist in his chest—a sensation he’d only started experiencing since she crashed into his life. He’d never wanted a serious relationship. Not with anyone. He’d always told himself that if it wasn’t something as pure and wild and true as what the Damarian shifters had with their mates, then he didn’t want it. He’d seen what half-measures did to a man—and to a woman. He’d watched his own parents destroy each other, a slow unraveling that ended in bitterness and blood. He’d sworn he’d never even try, unless it was that kind of forever.
Then Maddie had shown up—blunt, reckless, infuriatingly stubborn, and so alive it made his teeth ache. At first, she was just another responsibility. The new shaman. TheNushawani.His job was to protect her, nothing more. But the longer he’d spent with her, the more she’d wormed her way under his skin. The more she’d filled up the quiet places inside him with her laughter, her endless questions, her wild courage.
He could remember the exact moment it hit him. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen her in the diner. His attention had been so focused on Lola, because it had been obvious she was an animus, that he just hadn’t given her a second thought. Not until he’d shown up at Lola’s house in hopes of keeping Callon in control. It had been like a punch to the gut. He’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted her. Never wanted anything to matter this much.
And it scared the hell out of him.
He didn’t know how to be what she needed. Roan had spent so many decades as a single male, only having relationships occasionally and none of them serious. He had no idea how he’d balance his life with a romantic attachment. All he knew was that the very idea of her hurt or in danger made his blood boil. Her willingness to do anything she needed to for her friends was admirable, but it also felt like someone was carving pieces out of his soul. He wanted to protect her, shield her, keep the world from ever touching her—and at the same time, he wanted to let her run wild and watch her burn through life, just to see what she’d do next.
He didn’t know how to say any of this. Didn’t know if he even should. Maybe it was better if she never knew. Maybe it would be safer for both of them.
