“Then I think you know that I will do exactly as I threatened.” Kara stepped up beside Sally. “Make your choice, Alice. We want you to be with us because it’s where you belong. But we won’t force you.”
“If I choose him, I’m choosing to be your enemy. That’s how Fane will see it, won’t he?”
“You will be held to a different judgment because you haven’t killed anyone or abducted anyone,” Sally answered. “But yes. If you choose Cain, you are an enemy of the Romanian pack.”
ChapterSix
“In all my decades upon decades of living, I have never felt more conflicted than I do now. I’ve never questioned who I am or what I am. She has changed everything. I don’t know if I like it.” ~Cain
Cain stared broodingly into the flickering fire, turning the glass of blood in his hands, swirling it like a fine wine. He should feel triumphant. His plans were coming to fruition. Slower than he wanted, yes, but he was almost there.
Instead, he felt … unsettled, restless. He was keeping something from Alice, and he felt guilty about it. Why? Keeping secrets was commonplace for a vampire lord. But he didn’t like the idea of keeping one from Alice. Not anymore.
Cain dragged a hand over his face. These tangled emotions were foreign to him, and they were threatening to break the veneer of numbing detachment he’d built up over centuries. After he’d lost his first Alice to the werewolves, he decided that he’d never allow himself to become attached to a female again. He preferred the simplicity of wanting, taking, having. Clean, transactional, no bothersome entanglements. At first, he’d been sure that he wanted this new Alice as his mate. The prospect had seemed fun. But that was before any genuine emotions got involved. Now the idea ofnothaving her left him feeling violent. That should be reason enough for him to cut her loose. She could easily become a weakness for him, something for an enemy to exploit.
So why did part of him ache at the idea of losing Alice’s comforting presence? He’d tasted her blood, and yes, she tasted divine, but that wasn’t reason enough for him to be so attached. Admittedly, when he’d experienced it again, following Claude’s near-fatal attack on her, Cain fully realized the extraordinary nature of the gypsy healer’s blood. Was it then that Alice’s fate was sealed? “No,” he said roughly. “There’s more to it.”
He craved more stolen moments curled up together with soft conversations that flowed easily. She’d slipped past his defenses, leaving him off balance. He’d kept her in the coma-induced state by using the sire bond, mostly because he wasn’t sure what would happen when she woke. But then he’d come to love the way she trusted him, even if it wasn’t real. He hadn’t wanted to let it go. And now, because of his selfishness, she might never trust him again, not that he blamed her.
A log shifted in the fire, sending up a burst of sparks. Cain watched them whirl upward, only to gutter out. Chaotic, brief flashes were soon swallowed again by darkness. Much like any bonds he tried to form.
Perhaps it was for the best that Alice had awoken before he grew even more attached. Cain had walked a solitary path too long to share it now. His goals required sacrifice, a willingness to use people for his ends, then discard them when convenient.
Still, he couldn’t shake the lingering regret that Alice coming into his life put her in danger. At first, she’d just been a pretty yet necessary nuisance. But then he’d gotten to know her. She was smart, brave, determined, inquisitive, and kind—despite having a jackass for a father. And then he’d tasted her, and her blood had given him something he hadn’t felt since before he was made a vampire. True fulfillment. His hunger, the constant need for the next drink of blood, was gone—at least for a little while. When it came back, he simply took a small sip from her again and the hunger was completely appeased. “Dammit.” She deserved better than him. She deserved honesty, at least. But the instinct for secrecy and manipulation ran deep in vampires. Trust did not come naturally to his kind.
Cain thought back to their last confrontation in her mindscape. The way she’d looked at him there with such wariness, such disappointment.
“Don’t act like you don’t know I was visited by a healer and a high fae while I was in whatever stupor you put me under. I saw you there.And stop pretending you actually care.Iknow what you’ve done to me. Keeping me unconscious, invading my mind. It ends now.”
She’d been deceived and let down too many times already—by her father, Claude, and finally Cain himself. He couldn’t fault her for wanting to protect herself, for refusing to play the puppet any longer. She was owed that autonomy after so much was taken from her.
Perhaps he should just let her go, stop this fruitless pursuit. She would find her true mate eventually, a wolf who could give her the openness and equality she deserved. Not remain shackled to a manipulative vampire obsessed with power.
The very thought twisted Cain’s gut. With sudden clarity, he realized he didn’t want to lose her. His life seemed unbearably bleak without her quick mind and shy smiles. For the first time in forever, he yearned for a connection not built on lies or control.She’s a gypsy healer,he reminded himself,not meant for you.Cain ignored the reminder.
Was it even possible at this point, after so much damage? Could he change enough to be worthy of her? The long abandoned human part of him wished desperately it were so. But the vampire scoffed at the idea.You are Death’s soldier. Any light you touch turns to ash.
Cain stared sightlessly at the dwindling fire, turmoil raging inside him. Perhaps it was already too late to turn from the path he’d chosen so long ago. Some stains could never be erased.
But he found himself unwilling to relinquish this fragile spark of hope Alice had ignited in him. He would try, at least, to become someone she need not fear. Even if he must eventually relinquish her to another, he could make this effort. For her sake … and perhaps his own. But what did that mean for his hybrids? Could she come to accept this part of him? He chuckled to himself, a humorless sound. “You’re a fool, Cain,” he said into the quiet room.
He needed a distraction. Cain pulled out his phone and sent a text to Willis. The man was a brilliant scientist. But beyond that, he was simply food. Wouldn’t Alice love to hear him say that? He shook his head, attempting to dispel her from his mind for just a little while.
A hesitant knock interrupted his brooding. “Come in,” he bit out.
Willis edged into the room, a look of trepidation on his face. “You, uh, wanted to see me?”
When Willis had first come to work for Cain, he’d been goofy, a little naïve, and unaware of what was going on around him most of the time. But now he was like a damn mouse in a room full of elephants.
Cain motioned for the scientist to close the door. He never thought the day would come when he’d willingly talk to his food and actually want their opinion. What the hell had she done to him? Mentally cursing himself, he stood up and swallowed his considerable pride. He had to confide in someone before he lost his damn mind.
Pacing to the window, Cain crossed his arms. “I find myself at a crossroads. For the first time in recent memory, I’m unsure which path is best.”
He turned to pin Willis with an intense stare. “Tell me, do you think a man can change his nature?”
Willis’s eyes widened slightly at the philosophical tangent. “Well, I suppose over time, with effort?—"
“No.” Cain sliced a hand through the air. “Not over tedious years. I mean a fundamental shift in one’s character. Is such a thing possible?” A voice in the back of his mind laughed at him, but Cain shut it out.
