“Psht,” Lisa scoffed. “This isn’t comfort food, and you know it. This is ‘my heart is hurting’ food, and I want to fill it with cookies so it won’t feel empty. You made me make them for you when your dad made you get rid of your cat.” She opened the fridge and pulled out the milk, then a glass from a cabinet. As Lisa poured a large amount, she continued, “And it was a total dick move for your father to do that. Your heart was shattered. I didn’t think you’d ever stop crying.”
Tanya remembered that, and though the pain had eased a decade later, it still made her sad to think about. She had been so miserable that her mother had allowed her to come stay with Lisa for a couple of weeks. Their friendship was unlikely, considering Lisa was human and much older than Tanya. But from the moment she had met Lisa when she had visited the Colorado pack, they had hit it off. Kindred spirits, Tanya’s mother called it.
Tanya took the offered glass and snagged four cookies from the stack before heading for the table. She slipped into a chair and set her goodies down. “I still don’t understand why I couldn’t keep her. No one would have eaten her. She was someone I could talk to without it getting back to my dad. I love him, but I swear he tries to control every aspect of my life, even though I’m a freaking adult. That he let me go on this hunt is a miracle.”
“Why did he?" Lisa gingerly sat down across from Tanya.
“Mostly because Daniel went.” Tanya took a bite from one of the cookies and hummed. “So good,” she said as she chewed.
“The loyal beta.” Lisa nodded. “And yet, he brought you here, with something bigger than a lost cat tearing you up inside.”
“I have no illusions that he won’t contact my father.” Tanya took a gulp of the cold milk. “He may be my friend, but he’s the beta of our pack first.”
Lisa nodded as she took a bite of her own cookie. “Mm-hmm,” she said as she chewed. Once she’d swallowed, she added, “That may be true, but he brought you here when, I’m guessing, he was told to come straight back to the pack. Which means he cares, and whatever has you all tied up in knots is bad enough that he wanted to do whatever he could to help.” Lisa continued to eat her cookie but remained quiet, leaving her words to hang in the air.
Tanya knew her friend was done talking and would now simply wait her out until she finally spilled her guts. She finished two more cookies before deciding to give in. She had, after all, come to Lisa for this reason. That, and she really had missed her friend. Talking on the phone was a poor substitute for the real thing. Might as well rip the band-aid off. “I met my true mate.” There. She’d said it and managed not to puke. That was something, right?
Lisa’s face lit up, and her eyes filled with joy, but a moment later, it was gone, and her smile dropped, the creases in her eyes falling along with it. “Alright, I’ve been in the pack life for quite some time, and I’m pretty sure this is something we’re supposed to be celebrating. Yet you look like you’d rather have your fingernails pulled off.”
Tanya bit the inside of her cheek. She hated crying. And she wasn’t about to shed a tear for that cheating punk. Good grief. Couldn’t she come up with some better insults? She could, but her wolf was holding her tongue, even her mental one.
“Go on.” Lisa motioned with her hand. “Let it out. I will not let you have any more cookies until you get it off your chest.”
Tanya narrowed her eyes. “Holding cookies hostage is not what BFFs do.”
“It is when said BFF is acting like a hardheaded toddler.”
She flopped back against the chair and folded her arms across her chest, suddenly feeling very defensive. Tanya knew she had every right to be angry. Didn’t she? Yes, she most definitely did. “It is supposed to be something that we celebrate. It’s supposed to be amazing.” Tanya’s stomach twisted into knots as a fresh wave of disappointment crashed over her. She felt something pushing at her mind and knew it was him. The strength of her emotions was making her walls weak. She quickly reinforced them. Tanya wasn’t ready to deal with Dillon. She didn’t know if she ever would be. “I met him at a gas station in Nowhere, Texas. I mean, what a bizarre place to meet your mate. And”—she held up her finger—“he’s not even in a pack. He’s rogue.”
“Is that what he told you?” Lisa’s brow rose.
Tanya pursed her lips. “Not in so many words. But—” She quickly continued when Lisa opened her mouth. “He made it clear that there were no other wolves around.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s a rogue.” Lisa rested her hands on the table. Tanya noticed the dark spots on them and hated that her friend was aging.
“Are you okay?” Tanya smelled something on the woman other than Lisa’s usual scent, but couldn’t put her finger on it.
Lisa shook her finger at her. “Oh no, you’re not getting out of this. We’re not talking about me. This is all you. Keep going.”
“Ugh, this is a disaster.” Tanya gritted her teeth. “I heard his thoughts. His mind was in mine, and it was this intimate connection I’ve never felt before. Goosebumps ran all over my arms, and I felt like electricity lit me up from the inside out. It was amazing.” Tanya heard the awe in her voice and wished that she could end the tale there. “But then, I saw something I wish I could unsee.” She closed her eyes and allowed the female’s face to fill her mind. But it wasn’t just her face. “There was a woman in his mind. Not just any woman.” She bit her lip again, holding the tears back. “The emotions he felt when he thought of her made me want to throw up. Even just remembering them makes me nauseous.” She shuddered.
Lisa reached across the table and rested her hand on top of Tanya’s. She pulled it away from her, uncrossing her arms until their joined hands rested back on the table. “You feel betrayed.”
Her eyes snapped up to Lisa’s. “Of course I feel betrayed. He did betray me. I’m his true mate. There is nothing more sacred in our race. We’re taught this from childhood.” She shook her head as she felt her hand tremble beneath Lisa’s. “To seek out someone else when you know you have a true mate out there, the one person who will complete your soul? It’s… Well…” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s wrong! It’s just wrong. I feel like a part of me has been shredded. Like my heart has been ripped apart, and I didn’t even know it could be so thoroughly devastated.” She was breathless as she finished her emotional word vomit. Tanya wanted to find a deep hole to crawl into and hide. She felt exposed, and dammit, she had tears running down her face.
Lisa squeezed her hand but didn’t say anything right away. She simply sat there, giving Tanya quiet support as she tried to gather herself. But the longer she sat there with Lisa’s tender eyes staring at her, the more her chest seemed to rip open. She felt as if a hand had pushed past her ribs and wrapped around the beating muscle, attempting to squeeze it until she couldn’t breathe. Tanya sucked in large breaths, needing to get air into her body, but it was as if her windpipe had completely closed. How had this occurred? This wasn’t supposed to happen, not to her. “I don’t know what to do.” Her voice cracked as she swiftly wiped at the tears that simply continued to flow. “I don’t want him and yet—”
“He’s yours.” Lisa’s gentle tone of her voice gutted Tanya all over again.
“But I don’t want him,” Tanya said again, her voice rising with her agitation and anger. “How could he do that to me?”
“I wish I had wisdom to give you, but as a human, it’s hard for me to relate to the Canis lupus true mate bond.” Lisa told her. She patted Tanya’s hand and pulled hers away. “We don’t have soulmates. At least not how you all do. There are many people who love deeply, lose their spouse, and then find another and love them just as fiercely as the first one.”
Tanya’s eyes widened in horror. “How could they disrespect their first mate that way?” Tanya couldn’t comprehend the human way of mating. Their feelings seemed so finicky. One minute, they declare their love, and in the very next breath, they tell the person they no longer love them and want to separate. They court one another in this ridiculous ritualistic way where they dress up for one another, always attempting to look their best, only to then stop doing that once they are mated. Why are they so changeable? Don’t their pre-mating rituals still matter? If you cared enough to do it while you’re courting, then why would you not care enough once you’re mated? Tanya would never get it. She’d watched tons of human television shows and still couldn’t understand their emotions and how they shift like an unstable foundation. The rumblings of a volcano were more reliable than the emotions and commitments of a human. How could anyone live that way? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship if there was such a high chance that the other person would one day decide they no longer wanted you?
“To love another after your spouse has passed away is not disrespecting them. It doesn’t change the fact that you loved them in life. Your love doesn’t die just because they did. Our hearts are very big things with lots of room for love, Tanya. Love for people, love for animals, love for creation, love for life and even death.”
Tanya frowned. “How could you possibly love death?”
