Another wave of guilt crashed over Dillon. The wolf was right. But there was nothing he could do about it now. He couldn't go back and change his life with Lilly. And if he were honest, he wasn't sure he would. "What a coward I am."
The wolf huffed its agreement.
Dillon decided to test the bond. While he was gathering his things and writing the note to Lilly, he'd kept his mind tightly closed. Given her reaction, Dillon didn't think his mate would be trying to communicate with him, but still. Better to be safe than sorry. The last thing he needed was Tanya to appear in his mind as he was pouring his soul out in a letter to another woman.
He pushed against the bond a little, nothing too strong. Dillon didn't want to invade his mate's mind. He hit a wall as solid as granite.
Relief and frustration washed over Dillon in equal measure. Though he wanted to reach out to Tanya, he knew that he wouldn't be able to entirely hide his memories of Lilly. They'd been together for three years, and his feelings toward her were strong. That kind of thing couldn’t just be shunted aside. He couldn't just forget her, as much as he wanted to. And just like at the gas station, he knew Tanya’s reaction wouldn't be good.
"I told you so."
"You're not helping," Dillon snarled back at his wolf.
What kind of life am I going to lead? Dillon wondered. I cannot open my mind to my mate for fear of what she will see. He swore and slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.
Mile after mile passed in a blur. Dillon drove like a maniac, tearing up the miles north to Colorado. He wasn't sure what he'd find when he got there. It had been some time since he'd visited the Colorado pack. He remembered the Alpha being a tyrant, but not much else.
Dillon's pager beeped, jarring him from his thoughts, mostly because he hadn’t heard it beep in so long. For a moment, he panicked, thinking it must be Lilly. He'd been expecting to hear from her, gone over and over what he would say to her. He'd try to be as gentle as he could but firmly tell her he couldn't return. They'd talked about this at length. She'd always known this day would come. But having the pretend conversation in his mind and having to actually form the words to speak to Lilly was entirely different. He pulled over to the first gas station he found and headed for the pay phone. He steeled his courage as he looked at the number. It wasn’t a Texas area code.
He quickly dialed the number. "Hello," he choked out.
"Hello, old friend." A male's voice came through the phone. For a moment, Dillon was so surprised at hearing his friend Colin's voice, he couldn't speak.
"Hello? You there?" Colin asked.
"Um, yeah. Sorry, I dropped the phone.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I'm here. What's up, Colin? So good to hear from you." Dillon couldn't remember the last time he'd talked to Colin. Dillon checked in periodically, and Colin caught him up to speed on the news of the pack. But after he'd found Lilly, Dillon and Colin had spoken less and less.
"You don't sound happy to hear from me. You sound like you've just found out that someone died."
His gut twisted at the accuracy of his friend's observation, considering a part of him had died and needed to. "I'm sorry. I've just got some stuff going on here."
"Anything you want to talk about?
"No." Dillon breathed. "Not really."
"Okay, I understand, I guess. I've got some stuff of my own going on here." Dillon heard worry in his friend's voice.
"What's going on?"
"Two of our pack mates have been killed."
The words were like a gut punch. "Killed? How?"
"Shot. We're assuming by hunters. When Jagger went missing, the Alpha sent out a search party. We found traces of blood spatter in the woods, tire tracks. Looks like someone shot him in his wolf form, then hauled him off. Same with Link."
Dillon knew both of the wolves. They were men he considered friends. He wasn't as close to them as Colin, but still. Knowing they'd been murdered, especially in the same way his parents had been, hit harder than he would've guessed after all this time. For a moment, he wondered why he hadn't felt their deaths through the pack bonds. Then a realization hit him, another hammer blow to his already battered soul. He was no longer a member of the Montana pack. He'd been living as a lone wolf for so long, the pack bonds had severed themselves. Tears formed in Dillon's eyes. He lifted his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to pull his emotions together.
"Dillon, you there, man?" Colin's voice came through the phone.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm here. The news just hit me wrong."
"Everyone here is up in arms.” Colin’s voice was agitated. “Some of the pack wants to start going door to door, dragging humans out until they find out who did it. Others are a little more levelheaded, but the alpha is having a hard time keeping everyone calm."
"I can imagine." The Montana pack alpha was a just man, but losing pack members could cause serious unrest and, without strong leadership, a mutiny.
Colin breathed out a heavy sigh. "I know you've been gone a long time, Dillon, but I was hoping you might come and help us find out who did this. You were one of our best hunters. And"—he paused—“it’s time you came home.”
Dillon bit the inside of his cheek. It wasn't until this moment that he realized how much he missed his old pack. Living as a lone wolf had left him calloused, and more darkness than he’d known had spread inside of him. Lilly had been the only bright spot. He desperately wanted to be back with his old pack now, seeing familiar faces, hearing the stories around the fire pit again. He couldn't just refuse to help after two of his friends had been murdered.
