“I don’t feel like I have a right to be this upset,” Jen said. “Other women lose babies and they… They have to actually go through the delivery process, or have the child cut from their bodies. They have a tiny body to bury. I cannot imagine.” She sucked in a deep breath. “But I’m still sad because I have nothing. There is nothing in my arms to hold, and yet I feel the emptiness as if I’d clutched our baby to my chest. I haven’t been cut open, and yet I feel gutted.” Jen covered her mouth with her hand and tried to hold back the sobs. “There was so much blood, Dec. So much. And it hurt so bad.” She closed her eyes and tried to will away the images that would forever live in her mind. Sally had tried to keep her from looking, but Jen hadn’t listened. As soon as her stomach had cramped, Jen knew something was seriously wrong. She’d collapsed to the ground and felt a warmth between her legs that shouldn’t have been there. “Sally begged me not to look,” she said. “She pleaded with me. But I had to see. I had to know for sure what was happening.”
Decebel held her tighter, and his tears fell onto her shoulders. “I am so sorry you endured that without me. I should never have let us be separated.”
Jen shook her head. “No. It’s not your fault. My foolish pride and pigheaded will is why I’ve lost our child. I justhadto go, instead of staying here with our daughter and keeping our unborn child safe. I will never forgive myself. Never. If I hadn’t been in that forest with Alston, he wouldn’t have hit me in the stomach. And our baby would still be safely tucked away inside of me. “
Decebel grabbed her face and tilted it up until she had no choice but to look at him. She knew he wouldn’t release her until she did.
“This isnotyour fault, and you will not carry this like a weight around your neck. Things happen, Jennifer. Things that are beyond our control. It sucks—no, not sucks. It is fucking horrific.”
Jen gasped at his words. Her mate rarely cussed and never usedthatword.
“I don’t know why it happened,” he continued. “I don’t understand the point of it. But I know there’s nothing we could have done to change it.”
“How do you know that?” Desperation filled her body. She needed an answer, something that would make sense.
“Because the Great Luna’s will is not ours. Her ways are not our ways.” Decebel cupped her cheek and ran a thumb across her lips. “Everything she does is for our good. Even when all we feel is sorrow and pain, thereisa reason. Right now, I have to grasp onto that like a life raft in the middle of a hurricane, because if I don’t, I will fall into the abyss of bitterness. I will latch onto the anger that is threatening to eat me alive. Resentment would be my guide. And that, my mate, would be a dangerous thing for the world to experience.”
“I’m not there yet. I don’t want a life raft. I want to sink to the bottom of the ocean and allow the quiet darkness of the sea to embrace me.” She pressed her forehead to his sternum and bit her lip until she tasted blood. “I want my baby, Decebel. I don’t care if it was just blood and tissue. To me, it was the promise of a life—a life I was entrusted with. It was half of you and half of me and another hellion to drive us insane, but the best kind of insane. I wantthat.” She grabbed onto his shoulders and held him with all her strength because she needed him to keep her in the here and now. “I don’t care about Alston, or Cain, or that damn Order. I just don’t care.”
Decebel locked down every ounce of anger growing inside of him as his mate poured out her heart to him. Through their bond, he’d experienced every second of what had happened from the moment she’d seen Alston in the clearing until Sally forced her to sleep. Decebel’s wolf was on the verge of forcing him to phase, but there was no enemy to fight. However, there was the idiot sprite who’d opened his mouth and uttered the shittiest thing a person could say to someone who’d lost a child. Decebel wanted to kill him. His wolf liked that idea.
He held his mate as she cried. Her fist pounded against his chest, and she pressed her face into him and screamed out her despair. And through it all, Decebel simply held her. She didn’t need his words. She just needed him to be there for her while she let go of every ounce of emotion that threatened to ruin her. He wouldn’t let that happen, but for now, he would let her grieve in whatever way that was.
He did not know how much time passed until she finally slumped against him, exhausted and spent. She slipped into sleep, and Decebel was thankful for it. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and sent a text. A few minutes later, Jacque and Sally came into the room, both their eyes red with tears.
“Stay with her.” He eased her onto the bed.
“Of course.” Jacque hurried over. “Where are you going?”
Decebel looked at Jennifer and ran a hand down her blonde locks. “I need a minute.”
Sally climbed into the bed and wrapped an arm around Jen while Jacque took the other side. They enveloped his mate, holding her tightly to them, and he knew they would care for her while he dealt with his wolf’s emotions. He was dangerous at the moment, and if he was going to be available the way his mate needed him to be, then he had to get his beast under control.
The beta strode from the room and took a deep breath. He found the scent he was looking for and followed it, his mouth salivating as his wolf took over the hunt. Sprite was on the menu.
When he reached the large great hall, his wolf’s vision zeroed in on the male who’d so foolishly spewed reckless words about his child. There were only a few people in the room. It was late, and Decebel assumed everyone else was asleep. Good for him, but bad for the sprite.
The male sat at a table at the far end of the room. Decebel shoved chairs and table away as he walked toward the sprite. He didn’t pay attention to how hard he was pushing them. He heard crashing but didn’t turn his head to see what damage he might have done. Decebel only had eyes for the male who had hurt his mate.
When he reached the table, the sprite stood up so quickly his chair fell over backward. He held his hands up, and his eyes widened. “I swear to you, I didn’t mean to be careless with my words, Beta. I misspoke, and I am so sorry. I will apologize to your mate. I will—”
“You will die.” Decebel’s wolf growled. “That will settle the debt you now owe.”
Decebel started forward again, but before he could even take a step, his head snapped back as a fist connected with his face. He stumbled back from the force of the punch. He whipped back around and snarled, crouching down, ready to kill who had dared to get between him and his prey, but froze when his eyes met the ice-blue orbs of his alpha.
Power emanated from Fane. He stood tall, his wolf’s eyes glowing as they met Decebel’s. The beta tried to hold his gaze, but after a minute, Decebel looked over Fane’s shoulder.
“I know you’re angry,” Fane said, his voice rough with his beast. “I know you’re hurting for your mate and for the loss of your young. But this is not the answer. Killing a man who made a careless comment will not undo what has happened.”
Decebel lunged forward, but Fane pulled back his hand and punched him in the face again, this time so hard that the beta stumbled backward several feet. His alpha stormed after him. Fane’s body seemed to grow in size as he advanced on Decebel. “I am your alpha.” Fane growled. “If you need to fight, then you come to me. I am your brother. If you need to let your beast loose, then you come to me. I am your friend. If you need someone to stand by you and assure you that you will not bear this pain on your own, then you bloody well come to me. I am whatever you need me to be, Decebel.” He slammed his fist against his chest, emphasizing his words as he stalked closer to his beta. Then he pushed forward with both arms, shoving Decebel back. Fane moved so quickly that Decebel didn’t even have a chance to flinch before he felt a fist in his stomach, then one in his kidney, and another under his jaw.
“Fight me.” Fane roared. “You need to destroy something so badly, then destroy me.”
The beta dropped his shoulders and ran straight at Fane. He hit the alpha in the abdomen, driving him back until Fane slammed into the wall. The beta curled his hands into fists and pummeled his alpha’s stomach with punches hard enough to kill a human male. Fane didn’t make a sound, and Decebel let his wolf loose. He lost all sense of time as he attacked Vasile’s son—Vasile, whom Decebel considered a father. Fane simply took it. He absorbed every blow and seemed to embrace each hit. Regardless of who was actually standing in front of him, all Decebel saw was his mate’s anguish. He saw Alston hit her in the stomach. He saw her collapse to the ground and Sally catch her before Jennifer’s head could hit the floor. Decebel saw the blood between his mate’s legs and the horror on her face as she clutched her stomach and screamed, begging Sally to fix it. He heard her call his name over and over while she watched herself lose their child. He saw all the things he couldn’t change and yet would give anything to fix. His wolf howled inside of him as they released their fury.
Finally, Decebel collapsed, his legs giving way. His knees hit the stone floor, and a sharp pain reverberated up his thighs. He fell forward, but his face didn’t slam into the floor as he expected. Fane caught him. His alpha protected him, even after the brutal attack he’d just unleashed. Fane knelt to the ground and pulled Decebel’s head down until his forehead rested on his shoulder. He felt Fane’s hand on the back of his head as the alpha held him fiercely. Decebel couldn’t contain it any longer. He howled. All of his agony, his mate’s brokenness, his child’s life gone before it began, his helplessness, and his sorrow came out in that howl, filling the great hall. And Decebel didn’t care who witnessed it.
“I’ve got you, Decebel,” Fane said sternly. “I will always be here for you, whether it’s to stop you from doing something you can’t undo, or as a foe to fight when there isn’t one to defeat. I will fight for you until my last breath. Do you understand?”
