If Anuva was offended by her response, he gave nothing away. The djinn’s face remained flat as he stared at her. “I am old enough to know that not everything stays hidden forever. Especially not with supernaturals.” Anuva’s voice stayed even. “Some of us live entirely too long, and that leaves us with surplus idle time. Our minds require stimulation. This need for the next diversion often leads us to search for things best left hidden.”
Nissa shook her head. She strode farther into the large room. Her robes swished around her legs, sounding like dozens of whispering voices. “No. Everyone has the right to know their past. We must if that knowledge could affect us in the present.”
Several tables were scattered throughout the dimly lit room, and Anuva walked over to one. He pulled out a chair, his movements deliberate and unhurried. As he took a seat, he motioned for her to do the same. “Please.”
Nissa’s mind itched with the need to know about her past, and Peri’s as well. Weeks ago, Wadim had mentioned that he’d found information about an incident when cold fire had been used by a high fae. It had been thousands of years ago when she and Peri were children. And even though it had been so long ago, the fae had very long memories. It wasn’t something she should have forgotten. Nissa fought the urge to pace the room.
She took the offered seat and rested her hands on the table, entwining her fingers, hoping this would keep her from fidgeting like a child.
“What do you believe you need to know?” the djinn asked.
“Several thousand years ago,” Nissa began, “Perizada and I were saved from cold fire by a draheim. I need to know what happened. Disir was aware of the incident though had no details. “
Anuva nodded but didn’t offer any information.
“The djinn are the history keepers of every supernatural race.” Nissa breathed out a frustrated sigh. “Thadrick’s memories are still damaged from Myanin’s meddling. But you are the history keeper of things long past. I know the job of history keeper rotates among your kind. But I also know some ancient memories are kept by other djinn.Youcan tell me what Disir couldn’t.” She watched him, waiting to see what he would say and tried to keep from holding her breath. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her palms began to sweat.
Anuva simply stared back at her.
Nissa fought the urge to slam her hands down on the table and demand he speak, but she would not resort to acting like a toddler. And she didn’t think it would get her anywhere with the venerable being in front of her.
Finally, he spoke. “Why do you feel so strongly that you need this information? What is it you hope to glean from the knowledge?”
Nissa lifted her chin and sat up straighter. “It’smyhistory,” she answered. “Whatever happened, it’s part of what made me who I am. Why wouldn’t I want to know that?” For a moment, Nissa second-guessed herself. Why did she feel so strongly about this? The knowledge hadn't affected her up to this point. Would knowing actually change anything? She shook her head, pushing away the uncertainty. “It could help us understand the nature of cold fire better. Not to mention explain why the draheim keep to themselves and choose not to have anything to do with the supernatural world.”
“Until recently,” Anuva pointed out. “They helped Perizada find refuge, and one of their young saved her life. Isn’t that enough?”
Anger flared inside of Nissa like a match being tossed on a puddle of gasoline. “Why are you hell-bent on keeping the information from me? What does it matter to you?”
For the first time since Nissa’s arrival, the djinn showed emotion. His jaw clenched, and his eyes narrowed. “Even the fae, ancient as they are, have limited understanding. My kind aren’tjusthistory keepers. Weprotectthe knowledge as well. Something that you have clearly forgotten. Why would the djinn be so powerful? There must be a reason. Knowledge of the past is important. It helps guide us as we navigate the present and look forward to the future.”
“Exactly,” she blurted. “That’s why—”
“It can also,” he interrupted, “cause damage to those who could use that knowledge to their own gain.”
Nissa opened her mouth to speak again, but Anuva held up a hand. “There are some things, Nissa of the high fae, that are not foreveryoneto know. This is true, despite your involvement in the record of it. Your kind and mine are long-lived, and sometimes forgetting is the safest thing for us all.”
The fae female felt as if someone had punched her in the gut. It was clear the djinn would not be swayed. He wasn’t going to tell her anything. Tears of frustration and anger formed in her eyes, but Nissa clenched her jaw and blinked them away. She suddenly felt as if a part of her would always be missing if she didn’t find out what happened to her and Peri.
Nissa pushed up from the table and straightened her long silver gown. She kept her mouth closed until she was sure that she wouldn’t say something disrespectful. It wouldn’t do to insult the djinn. There was nothing she could do to force him, and one simply didn’t go around provoking all-powerful beings, regardless of how angry they might be.
“Thank you for your time.” She locked down the whirlwind of emotions raging within her. “Please understand before I depart that I disagree with your assessment, and I leave this place without a boon that you could have provided.”
The djinn stood and bowed his head to her. “Iamsorry that I cannot give you the knowledge you think you need. But I assure you, only pain would come from it.”
Nissa breathed out and made a growling sound in her throat. “The avoidance of pain has never been something that guided my steps, Knowing One. I am led by my convictions about what is right and wrong.”
“I am aware.” A small smile formed on his lips. She heard respect in his tone, but that didn’t blunt the sting of his refusal. “The integrity you have shown in your life shadows your steps. Take solace from this. The information you seek forms the beginning of the noble person you have become.”
Nissa flashed before her emotions could get the better of her. Far from providing solace, the djinn’s final words had only fueled her desire to uncover her lost memories. If she’d stayed around any longer, that so-called nobility would have become a thing of the past. She didn’t want to lash out at the djinn who was simply doing his job. For all she knew, he might have been commanded by the Great Luna herself to keep the information secret.
She reappeared in front of the sprite compound but stood in the shadows as she gathered her composure. For now, she would have to accept Anuva’s decision. Perhaps after they’d dealt with their current threats, with Peri’s help, she could attempt to access her memories. She couldn’t just let it go, no matter what the djinn said. Nissa had to know why she and Peri had been saved and by which draheim. And more importantly, she needed to know why the memories had been hidden in the first place.
* * *
“You’re avoiding talking to me.”Decebel closed the door to the playroom, where all the kids were safely tucked away with Rachel and Gavril. He and Jen had been spending time with Thia before they would have to go their separate ways on missions from which they might not return.
Damn, I’m just a ball of warm, fuzzy thoughts.Jen mentally growled at herself. One second, she was elated that she’s pregnant. And then in the same damn breath, it was as if someone had ripped all the happiness from her world, and it would never return. She never felt like this when she was pregnant with Thia, at least not that she remembered. Granted, during her pregnancy with Thia they had been in the middle of a different crisis, but then when were they not? Maybe she had been too distracted to realize that she was a walking emotional hurricane.
