Lucian lifted a brow at Peri as if waiting.
She smirked and flashed. “See, I didn’t zap her for that ridiculous question. I’ve practically reached sainthood.”
Chapter 6
“That’s it. I refuse to do any more chapter headings. I’m done. You two armchair psychiatrists can handle them all from now on. Take your interventions and toss them on the ground like little plastic building blocks and then do an Irish jig on them.” ~Jen
“We are in the middle of a complete global crisis—albeit one that humans don’t really know about—and I am still able to focus completely on my own issues, somehow making them the center of my universe. There are other things that are so much more important. What does that say about me?” ~Jen
“How many times do we have to tell you not to minimalize your feelings?” ~Sally
“How many times do I have to tell you to quit interrupting my chapter headings. Wait for your own damn chapter headings to bitch at me.” ~Jen
“You’re right. It’s worse than we realized. It’s time for an intervention.Again.” ~Jacque
Jen stood in the bathroom, her hands resting on the counter. She lowered her head until her chin nearly touched her chest. Her body trembled. Emotions flooded her body, and she tensed every muscle so tightly she thought they might break through her skin.
She, Decebel, and Thia had eaten dinner together, just as her mate had wanted. Afterward, Decebel sat on the floor and played with their daughter, making her laugh and tossing her in the air until Jen was sure Thia would puke up her dinner all over her daddy’s face. Then he’d given her a bath, all the while talking to her in Romanian. He did that as much as possible, pointing to objects and using the Romanian term for them. He wanted Thia to be bilingual and to appreciate both sides of her heritage. Jen loved that. She loved that he took so much joy in caring for their child. Even when he was tired and stressed, he didn’t leave it to Jen to do everything.
The evening should have been enjoyable. Her smiles should have been genuine and her laughter real. But inside, her soul was anything but at peace. The confidence she had in their relationship, which had always been so rock solid, was cracking. The emotions she’d felt coming from Decebel in the hall had been like sharp pebbles flying at a car windshield, causing those little spiderweb cracks that would inevitably grow bigger and bigger until the integrity of the entire glass was compromised and the window needed to be replaced.
Bile rose in her throat, and she gagged. Would she need to be replaced if she had too many cracks? Could she really expect Decebel to put up with her many faults? “Bloody hell.” She breathed out, trying very hard to keep herself together and failing miserably. She slammed her palms down on the countertop and let the pain radiate up her arms, jarring her teeth. It wasn’t enough. Jen stood up straight and shook out her hands as she paced in a circle. “Get it together, Jennifer,” she muttered. But she couldn’t. The divide that had started between them in the morning when he’d told her she wasn’t going with the pack to take down Alston had grown to an abyss the size of the Grand Canyon, and she didn’t know how to close it. Jen felt as if she stood on the edge of that chasm, and the smallest breeze would send her tumbling into the darkness.
She grabbed a towel, balled it up, and shoved her face into it. Then she screamed as loud as she could. Jen screamed so hard she felt her blood rising to her face, heating her skin, causing sweat to bead up on her neck. Jen screamed until she was out of breath and then she sucked in another and screamed again. She walked forward until her hands, holding the towel, were against the wall and she could press her face even harder into the material. Jen didn’t know if it would muffle the sound enough that Decebel wouldn’t hear her, but she hoped it would. She’d shut down the bond, even though it felt like a knife to her heart to do so.
Jen’s shoulders shook, and her feet stomped over and over as every ounce of emotion erupted from her body. If anyone saw her like this, she’d likely throw herself into the abyss instead of falling accidentally. She was Jen-freaking-Anghelescu, control freak, tough chick, and all-around badass. But at the moment, she felt like a fraud. Screaming like a child into a towel and stomping her feet definitely did not denote badassness. Her actions revealed a hurting woman, desperate to fix what she’d destroyed in her marriage. How the hell did she get to this point? Did she get married, mated, whatever, too young? Absolutely. Would she change that? A couple days ago she would have said no. But now? After ripping her mate’s clothes to shreds like a wild animal driven only by her instincts, she now questioned if they should have waited. That thought alone nearly dropped her to her knees. There was no way she could have been around Decebel andnotmated him. The hole that had existed inside of her where he belonged would have eaten her from the inside out.
Another flood of emotions rushed through her like a raging river, making her scream again. What the actual fuck was wrong with her? And did she just use theFword? She never used that word. That was the word she reserved for when the end of the world actually happened and there was no way to save it. Now, as if the apocalypse was suddenly happening in her damn bathroom, theFword flew out of her like a hailstorm. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” To her absolute horror, she pulled her head back and slammed it against her towel in her hands. Then she did it again, and again, and again, all the while cursing uncontrollably.
She didn’t hear the door open. How the hell could she when she was losing her ever loving mind? And even when Decebel’s firm hands clutched her shoulders and held her still, she didn’t stop screaming. She felt his breath against her ear.
“Shh, baby,” he whispered. Then he spoke soft words to her in his native tongue. Some she understood, but most she didn’t. His hands released her shoulders, and then his large arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her tightly against him, her back to his chest. Decebel kept his face pressed firmly to her neck and continued to speak to her. “It’s going to be okay, my precious mate. You haven’t destroyed anything. I could never replace you, nor would I ever desire to. Please, baby, open the bond. Let me bear this with you.”
Jen’s voice cut off abruptly. She dropped the towel and clutched his hands. She leaned her head back and pressed it firmly against him. “Please don’t give up on me,” she said, her voice hoarse from her screams. “I can do better. I can be a better mate, a better wife.”
He started to release her, and she dug her nails into his arms. “Don’t go. Please, dammit. I’m begging, which has to be a complete and total turnoff, but—”
“I willneverlet you go,” he said, his voice a deep rumble. “Even ifyouleft me, I would follow you like the creepy stalker you often call me. And I would have no shame in it.” He pressed his lips to her neck. “I want you to turn and face me. I want to look into your beautiful blue eyes. Let me see you, mate.”
Shame filled Jen as the silence in the bathroom suddenly made her feel naked. Seconds ago, the space sounded like a tornado was ripping through it because ofher. Decebel grabbed her waist and turned her until she faced his chest. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and her eyes immediately latched onto her name that was carved into his skin above his heart with a fae blade. This man who’d dealt with her temper tantrums, her demands, her schemes, and ridiculous antics had her name carved into his flesh. Why?
He cupped her face and tilted her head back so that she looked at him. “Because without you my heart would cease to beat. Not just because we are true mates and our fates are intertwined. Even if that wasn’t our destiny, if you left this world, I would not survive without you. No matter what faults you have, I have as many or more. No matter what failings you think you have, I have them in equal measure.”
Jen averted her eyes, but her mate wasn’t having it.
“Look at me.” This time, it was the wolf who addressed her. When her eyes refocused on him, the amber within was glowing like the stars in the night sky. “This will not be the last time we have an argument. It will not be the last time I say something out of anger, or the last time you will want to hurl things at me or hide from me. We are flawed, Jennifer. But that’s what makes us beautiful.”
She huffed. “How so?” There was no way he could still consider her beautiful after all she’d put him through.
“Because if we were already perfect, we couldn’t strive to be so. We wouldn’t be able to work toward better character, selflessness, patience, and love beyond ourselves. Because of our flaws, we have a chance to be better.” His lips turned up in a small smile. “To watch each other grow and applaud one another when we do. And when we fail at it, we encourage each other. I can come and hold you and tell you I love you and forgive you. That makes me grow as a person. Forgiveness isn’t easy.” He said shaking his head as if to emphasize his words. “It takes practice. And when I mess up, you have the chance to forgive me. We become better. Never perfect, but moving forward toward the goal the Great Luna has set before us.”
Jen wiped the tears from her cheeks and considered his words. She released the hold she’d had on the bond and immediately Decebel’s love flowed into her. His desperation to get to her when she’d been emotionally unavailable, as well as physically locked away in the bathroom, was apparent. Jen let go of the reigns on her own feelings and let her mate have access to everything that had filled her and overtaken her.
“Oooh, my love.” His voice was so filled with pain that the physical ache reached into her very bones. “I am sorry my words hurt you so deeply. I should have thought before I spoke. I let my frustration rule my actions, and for that, I am truly remorseful. Can you forgive me?”
His wordshadhurt her, but if she’d stopped and gathered herself instead of lettingheremotions control her, she would have been able to be reasonable. JenknewDecebel loved her. She knew he wouldn’t intentionally hurt her. “I don’t know that there is anything to forgive.”
“If you were hurt by my actions or words, then an apology is necessary. It is up to you if you have feelings that might cause discontent later.” His hands slid from her face to her neck. She loved how they felt against her skin. There was nothing, save the love she felt from the Great Luna, that felt as comforting as her mate’s touch.
