“Endings are painful. They usually mean there is some sort of loss to be felt. They bring change that, even if welcome, means saying goodbye to something else. But endings are also beginnings. Interestingly enough, beginnings aren’t always joyous, hopeful, or wanted. They are simply inevitable. Every day is an ending, and every new day is a beginning. As soon as a new life is brought into this world, it has already begun marching toward its ending, leading to its eventual death. So, perhaps it isn’t only endings that are painful. Beginnings, too, come with their own bit of anguish.” ~Lilly
Lilly entered her chambers and closed the door slowly behind her. Her eyes were on the floor, her mind lost in thought. It had been two days since she’d killed Lysander, and the other clans had once again assembled in her mountain. Since Lysander had conveniently left them in the dark, they had to be informed of all that had happened, and they needed to be present to witness Clan Lowthorne’s appointment of a new leader.
The meeting had been a success. Eliminating Lysander had proven to the other clan leaders and the warlock people Lilly could andwouldlead them, especially in this uncertain time of dealing with the Order. Without hesitation, they’d all pledged their fealty to her. The queen was grateful. She was humbled. And even with the presence of Perizada, who represented the fae, and Lucian, who spoke for the RomanianCanis lupus, Lilly still felt alone. She continued to wonder how she was going to do this.
“You are never alone, Lilly. I haven’t lost sight of you.”
Lilly raised her head at the sound of the goddess’s voice. The Great Luna stood in the middle of the room, her glory painful to look at. Lilly dropped her eyes as tears formed in them.
“Your heart hurts,” the Great Luna said.
Lilly nodded. “It does.”
“I know your pain. I’ve cried every tear with you.”
“Can I ask why?” Lilly said, her voice filled with the pain that was her constant companion even now, over two months since losing her love. “Why him? Our time together was too short.”
“Would it ever have been long enough?” the goddess asked.
Lilly laughed, though it was humorless. “No,” she answered, shaking her head. “An eternity would not have been enough.” Her stomach clenched as thoughts of her mate assaulted her mind. She missed him with every cell in her body.
“There is no answer I can provide that will give you peace, Lilly. It was Cypher’s time to come home. Every one of my children has an appointed time. What I do, why I do it, will not always make sense to you. You can only see a piece of the puzzle, while I see the entirety. What I can offer you is my love and knowledge that I always have your best interest at heart. That since I formed you, my thoughts and plans for you have only ever been for your good.
“It might not feel like it now, but the pain will get better. He will forever be a part of you, and one day you will be reunited. His tasks are finished. Yours are only beginning. And you are going to do great things, Lilly of the warlocks. I have placed you where you are for such a time as this. You shall lead your people. You will keep them focused on the path I have set for them, and they will be a light in a world filled with darkness. Let nothing cover that light. Let nothing put it out. And never forget that I love you. I have loved you since before you were born, and I will love you when I call you home.”
Lilly felt arms around her as the warmth of the Great Luna’s presence faded. Cypher was there. She cried harder and wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her tightly against his body. “This is it, isn’t it?” she whispered into his chest.
“I told you I would be with you for as long as you needed me,” Cypher said, his lips touching her hair as he spoke.
“I will never stop needing you.” Lilly clung to him, as if she could somehow keep him with her. “Never.”
“You are so much stronger than you realize, my precious Lilly.” Cypher released her and cupped her face in his large hands. He tilted her head back so she was looking up at him. His unusual yellow eyes, which now matched her own, stared intently at her, searching for something. “I’m never truly gone, beloved. My soul is a part of yours. You carry a piece of me inside of you, and I will be waiting for you. But I can’t keep you stagnant when you must move forward.”
Lilly wanted to tell him he wasn’t holding her back. He wasn’t tying her down. He was keeping her going. But she knew in some ways that was a lie. She lived every day waiting for nights so she could be with him.
“Life is more than simply waiting around on what we want,” Cypher said as he pressed his forehead to hers. “It is every single moment we experience. It is past, present, and future. The joy of life is walking, step-by-step, on the path your Creator has set before you. For a time, we walked hand-in-hand on that path. Now you will continue with our people, Jacque, Peri, Slate, and all those whose time is still in this life.”
Lilly reached up and ran her fingers across his face, memorizing every line. She pressed her lips to his and tasted her own tears. She wanted to be strong. And one day she would be. But tonight there was too much pain. She was losing him all over again. “I love you,” she whispered against his lips.
“Always,” Cypher whispered back, and this time she felt his tears. He pressed his lips to hers again, his hands holding her face as if she was precious glass that might break at any moment. When he pulled back, his lips turned up in a small smile. “I lived a very long life, and every second with you was the brightest part of it. I waited a long time for you, Lilly Pierce, and I would wait all over again, even if all I received was a single day with you.”
She nodded. “Me, too.” And she would. Even knowing the pain she was feeling now, she wouldn’t change a thing.
“It’s time,” he said, and she could hear the pain in his voice. “Promise me you will live, you will love, and you will accept the will of the Great Luna. Promise me.”
Lilly’s jaw clenched, but after several heartbeats, she relaxed her face and nodded. “I promise.”
“Until I see you again. I love you now and always.” Cypher kissed her forehead one last time and then, with her hands on his face, he slowly faded, like a shadow as the sun set. Finally, he was gone, and she was left standing with her hands in the air, holding only a memory.
She turned her hands over and looked at how empty they were before slowly dropping them. Lilly knew she would never see Cypher again, at least not in this life. She’d been angry the first time she’d laid eyes on his soul because she’d so badly wanted him to be alive, to be returned to her. Then she’d just been glad to have what she could of him, even if that was only the manifestation of his soul. Lilly had known it wouldn’t last. She knew it would hurt when he left again.
As if in slow motion, her body sank down. She landed on the couch and pulled her legs up, curling her arms around them just to have something to hold on to. Her body shook as sobs wracked her. Lilly was sure she was splitting apart at the seams. At any moment, she was simply going to fall apart. The pain started on the surface but continued to sink deeper and deeper until her very bones ached with her loss. It was easy to say time would heal the wounds. It was easy to say that one day she’d breathe and no longer feel like she wanted this breath to be her last. But to actually believe those things would happen felt as likely as the sun ceasing to rise.
Lilly felt arms come around her again but knew instantly that they weren’t her mate’s. These were smaller, though they held her just as tightly. “Crying alone sucks.” Peri pulled Lilly close to her.
“What are you doing here?” Lilly asked through her tears, her voice quivering as she tried to compose herself.
“My friend needs me. Where else would I be? There are different kinds of soul mates, Lilly. I might not have lost Lucian, but I know the pain you’re feeling. I lost two pieces of my soul. No one who is feeling what we feel should be alone.”
