Skender’s heartpounded painfully in his chest. His eyes never left the door his true mate had just walked through. She was only feet away from him, but there was nothing he could do about it, at least not yet. Any move he made would terrify her, or worse, cause her to try to de-man him.
How long have I been searching?
Much like Fane, Skender had come to the US to find his mate. He’d felt her call, and that call had led to America. The wolf had known without a doubt that she was out there, but no matter how hard he searched, he simply couldn’t find her. Skender had wound up with the Order because his parents had ties with the Order. They’d sucked him in with their arguments, laying the groundwork Alston would later use to convert him. Since joining, he’d made many choices he’d come to regret. He was the reason his former alphas were dead. He’d shown Alston where the stronghold was. He’d handed the Order the Romania wolves on a platter. Now, after seeing into the mind of his mate—his pure, kind mate— he not only regretted his actions, but he was disgusted with himself. She hated him on sight simply because he was a part of the Order. If she knew the things he’d done, she wouldn’t just hate him. She’d likely try to kill him. And Skender would let her, without lifting a finger to defend himself. By aligning with the Order, Skender had sided with everything that was the opposite of her. The fact that Alston was using Tenia’s young to control her only made Skender’s decision even worse. For some reason Skender thought that fae young were safe from Alston’s evil hands. He seemed like a purist. The type that would find his race superior to others and therefore wouldn’t want to harm their young, but that was just Skender showing what a fool he was.
Skender had picked up a great deal from Tenia’s mind before she’d shut him out. Despite what she thought of him, he would use none of it against her. He could never betray her, even if he wanted to. His wolf would not allow it. Even now his beast was fighting him, urging him to kill Alston for doing what he was doing to their mate and her young, which his wolf was already claiming as his own.“We can’t,”Skender told his wolf.“We can’t let Alston know what she means to us or he will use her against us, against the other packs.”This seemed to help calm his wolf, though the beast still paced inside of him.
Skender’s hand, the one that had grabbed her arm, was shaking as he remembered the way she’d felt. The minute he’d touched her he hadn’t wanted to let her go, ever. But he had no right to touch her. He gave that right up when he became a traitor. He lifted his hand to his face and took a deep breath. She smelled of holly berries and honey.
He’d known the second he’d looked at her, the second their minds had connected, that she was his. That knowledge had nearly driven him to his knees. Only decades of hiding his emotions had kept him in control. No one could know she was his. It would put her and Torion at risk. He would not allow that to happen.
Skender ground his teeth together, trying to keep his emotions from overwhelming him. He’d done so many shameful things. And in the name of what? He’d been looking for his mate and willing to do anything to find her—even work with the Order if that might bring him closer to her. But he’d never considered what that might mean when he finally did meet her. He hadn’t contemplated what she might think of his actions. Now he knew. Tenia would never be able to forgive his betrayal. And he didn’t blame her. He, too, had found it very hard to live with himself for the past month. His pack bonds had nearly been completely severed from Vasile and Alina by his own betrayal, but he’d still felt their deaths. And that feeling had almost destroyed him because he’d played a part in it. The alpha pair had done nothing but show him love and loyalty. By right, Vasile could have killed him on sight when Skender returned to the pack, yet the alpha had spared him. There’d been many occasions over the past few months when Skender had wished his former alpha had made a different choice.
But now? Now the wolf was glad Vasile hadn’t killed him. Even if he could never be with his mate, maybe he could at least protect her and her pup. If nothing else, he could figure out a way to shelter Tenia and Torion. He wasn’t certain how, but he would die trying, of that he was sure.Great Luna please, show me what I can do to help her.Skender leaned his back against the door where his mate and her son slept. He assumed they were sleeping because his wolf hearing no longer picked up their soft voices. He wanted to be as close to them as he could, and this was as close as he knew Tenia would ever allow him. It was better than never knowing her at all, but it was also torture. A sweet torture, but torture nonetheless.
* * *
“Should I trust them?”Lilly asked Cypher. Again, she knew she wasn’t really speaking to her former mate. But whether it was his soul come to visit or just a hallucination, she didn’t care. He was here, as he had been for the past five nights. She’d decided she was going to enjoy every second she got with him, no matter what that meant for her future emotional state once he stopped showing up.
“What does your gut tell you?” Cypher asked as he played with a piece of her hair. They were laying on their bed. Lilly was on her side, elbow bent and her head propped up in her hand. Cypher mirrored her pose. Much like he’d done in life, this vision of Cypher was constantly touching her, running a finger down her cheek, or playing with her hair.
“My gut tells me they’re being truthful,” Lilly said. “But shemurderedsomeone, Cy.”
“I’ve murdered lots of people,” he replied. Cypher scooted closer to her and took a deep breath. It was weird when he did this because … well ... he didn’t need to breathe.
“Not in cold blood,” she countered.
“Yes, in cold blood.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead and Lilly groaned. Dammit, she missed him.
“You killed people in battle,” she argued. “That’s different.” Her hand lifted without her permission and rested itself on his chest. He felt strong and real, though there still was no body heat. He was simply a solid object. She’d not allowed herself to touch him much. Most of their touching had been instigated by him.
“Murder is murder, my love,” Cypher murmured as he ran his nose down her jawline and neck. She felt his lips press gently to her collarbone. Her breath caught as his teeth nipped at her skin.
“Why do you do that?” she asked, breathless from his touches.
“Do what?” His voice was a masculine purr that caused her stomach to drop.
“Touch me, sniff me, kiss me?”
“Because I miss you,” he said, his voice filled with so much pain it was a physical ache inside of Lilly’s soul. “You keep insisting that I am something your mind has conjured. But I am the other half of your soul, Lilly. Your soul calls to me and I answer.”
Her eyes widened. “I’m the one doing this? I’m keeping you from being at peace?”
“Who said I wasn’t at peace?” His hand ran up her calf to her thigh, across her hip, and up under her top to rest on the flesh over her rib cage. “I currently feel quite peaceful.” His lips turned up in the sexy smirk she loved.
“Why do you only come to me at night?” she asked, finally giving in to her need to touch him as much as he touched her. She let her fingers trace his strong forearm, up his bicep then his shoulder.
“Because it’s when you need me most,” he said. “And when I need to be with you. I miss holding you at night when we slept, feeling your body against mine.” His voice deepened as he pulled her closer to him. “Look at me.”
Lilly’s eyes rose to meet his. He was going to kiss her. And right or wrong, she was going to let him. She didn’t know if it made her a creeper that she wanted to make out with the soul of her now-dead mate, but she didn’t care.
Cypher’s lips touched hers, first softly, but when she moaned in response, he pressed closer. The air around her seemed to grow hotter, or perhaps it was simply the heat of her own skin as Cypher’s hand ran up and down her body. He nibbled at her lips until she opened her mouth and let him in. As soon as her tongue touched his, Cypher groaned and rolled, pulling her on top of him. He buried both his hands in her hair, crushing the strands in his fists. He turned her head so he could deepen the kiss. Lilly could barely breathe as she let herself get lost in him. His chest was hard against hers, his legs powerful as he wrapped them around her, as if he were trying to trap her and keep her from getting away.Like I’m actually going anywhere.
“Cypher,” she breathed out when he let her up for air.
“Beloved,” he whispered against her lips just before he pulled her down again.
Tears ran down her cheeks as she moved her hands up his neck to his face. When he pulled back and saw her tears, he gently kissed each one, whispering to her in his people’s language.
