Myanin wondered if Tenia had felt the evil in the prisons. Had she been affected by the darkness that seemed to abide in the very walls of the building? She shook her head, trying to dislodge herself of the memory of the last prisoner. The malice left from when he’d spoken to her still clung to her mind. Just thinking about it sent chills down Myanin’s spine. It didn’t help that she no longer felt the indignation she had when he’d accused her of being like him.
She followed Tenia into the building and watched the fae speak to the human behind the desk. Tenia gave the man the human currency that she always seemed to be able to come up with. When she walked back over to Myanin, the fae held up a plastic, rectangle card.
“Why did you pay him?” Myanin asked. “You could have made him give us the room.”
“You know why, or you should by now.”
Myanin mentally rolled her eyes. She really wasn’t any better than the Order. She’d always had a superior attitude toward humans, even though she never wished them ill will. But she knew Tenia was saying that compelling the man to give them a room would be akin to stealing. Shedidknow that. She’d just never thought of it as being wrong. It wasn’t hurting anyone, was it? But it was wrong. Stealing was wrong. In any form. Damn this whole self-improvement crap was exhausting, not to mention nauseating. Seeing herself in a new light was only making her want to turn tail and run back to the oblivion of darkness. In the darkness Myanin didn’t have to see herself. She didn’t have to view the imperfections she knew were there but were able to be forgotten because they went unseen.
“Anyway, we’re good to go,” Tenia said, drawing Myanin from her inward reflection, thank goodness. The fae’s eyes drooped, and her shoulders slumped forward. She looked ready to collapse.
“What is that?” Myanin motioned to the card.
“It’s the room key.” Tenia led Myanin further into the building.
It didn’t look like any kind of key Myanin had seen before, but then she’d never seen the cotton candy either, so what did she know? “Not as much as I thought” was becoming the resounding answer to almost all of her questions.
After a few moments of walking, Tenia stopped in front of a door and slid the card into a slot. The door beeped, and a little light on it turned green. Tenia pushed the door open, and Myanin thought it took much more effort from the fae than it should have.
“Pick a bed.” Tenia motioned to the pair in the room.
“I’ll take this one.” Myanin chose the bed closest to the door. She suspected Tenia might not be able to get up fast enough to fight off an intruder should one come upon them in the middle of the night.
Tenia nodded and without a word took off her boots, removed her knives from various pockets, and laid them on the table beside the bed before climbing under the blanket. “Get some sleep, Myanin. I think we’ve both earned it.” Less than a minute later, Tenia’s breathing had slowed, and she was fast asleep.
Myanin left her boots on. She removed her swords, setting them on the floor beside the bed, but she kept her knives in place. As she laid down, her own lethargy set in. But despite her exhaustion she could feel the heat Tenia had pointed out. The burning of the magic that was not her own beneath her flesh. Myanin wasn’t sure what to do about it. Was she having a crisis of conscience? She could confidently say yes. Was she ready to give up the power she’d taken? What if she could use the power for good? What if she could turn the purpose she’d originally taken the magic and make it helpful to the good guys? Could she really justify keeping it?Damn all these questions.She reached up and ran her hand down her face. Her skin was damp with sweat. She let out a sigh. She was so tired. Myanin continued to stare up at the ceiling, trying to shut out all the thoughts and questions that were eating at her. Finally, her eyes drifted closed.
The next time her eyes opened, Myanin was no longer in the motel room. Instead, she was standing in a ruined forest. The trees that had once stood tall and proud had been pushed over as if they were no more than twigs. The ground was charred black. There were remnants of blood and the smell of magic surrounded her.
“Where am I?” she asked out loud.
“This is the battlefield where my chosen fought and many died,” the Great Luna’s voice said from behind her.
Myanin quickly turned and immediately dropped to her knees. Who could stand in the presence of the goddess’s glory? “Why have you brought me here?” she asked, her voice trembling.
“So you can see what true anguish looks like,” the goddess answered. “This is the result of the pain from my faithful one, Perizada. She watched as her beloved friend was killed. As the battle raged around her, she saw the heart of my alpha female ripped from her chest. Her suffering and rage was such that she leveled the forest, leaving it a burnt mess without so much as a thought. Andheranger was justified.”
Myanin stared at the blackened earth. She reached down, sunk her fingers into the ash, and fisted it. The ash crunched. She released it and watched the dust fall back to the earth.
“Stand, child,” the Great Luna said, her voice gentle but firm.
Myanin pushed up on shaky legs that felt as if they wouldn’t hold her weight.
“Look at me.”
The djinn raised her head slowly until she was gazing at the Great Luna. It was uncomfortable to look at one so pure, especially with the transgressions that Myanin carried inside of her. The guilt and shame that had begun to thoroughly eat away at her was overwhelming in the face of her Creator.
“There is righteous anger, and then there is anger that is corrupt and unjust,” the goddess said as she held Myanin in her gaze. “Your pain is real. But the anger and the actions you took because of that anger was unjust. And it eats at you because you know it was wrong. And you know what the Order is doing is wrong. You have no peace because you continue to follow the wide path that is full of self-gratification and indignation that you think you have a right to.”
Myanin felt sick. She didn’t understand why she was here. Why did the Great Luna keep coming to her if she was lost?
“Because you are mine, Myanin of the djinn. You have been lost, but I found you. I will always find you. Your heart has not yet hardened to the point that you no longer see right and wrong. Already your eyes are opening to the reality of what your actions have done, not just to others, but to you as well.”
Myanin’s hands trembled as she wiped the tears from her face. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to give me your heart. The one that beats in your chest now beats only for yourself. It cries out for that which does not belong to you. It rages at what you perceive to be unfair treatment. It seeks only to protect your own interests. Give me your heart so I can give you a new one. When you give me your heart, all that is inside of you that does not belong to you or in you will leave. You will be a new creation. ”
Myanin’s breaths came out in sharp pants as she tried to understand what the Great Luna was saying. How could she give her the heart that was inside of her? There was a part of her that wanted to rip it from her chest and beg the goddess to take it because she was so tired of the pain and anger. But she didn’t know how to let it go.
