“What?” Myanin asked. “I thought we were just shouting out past unrequited loves.” She glanced at Gerick. “You got one you want to add?” She paused and then shook her head. “Never mind. You better not say anyone’s name lest I decide to hunt her down and act like a jealous girlfriend. I’ve never wanted to be that girl. But I've done a lot of things lately I thought I'd never do. Becoming a clingy, psycho girlfriend might be next on the list.”
Lilly coughed, and Myanin narrowed her eyes at the warlock queen’s hand, which was trying to cover a smile.
“Again,” Myanin amended. "I never want to be that girlagain.” She waved her hand at Lilly. “Now, go on. Why did you mention Thadrick?”
“He’s the history keeper,” Lilly said, her excitement returning. “I’m sure he probably has a record of all prior uses of cold fire stored away in that supernatural, cavernous brain. Wouldn’t he be able to tell us if anyone has ever survived?”
Myanin considered patting the female on the head to ease the crushing blow she was about to deliver. “You forget, Queen, that Thadrick’s history keeping is a tad jacked up because of yours truly.” If there was ever a time in her life when Myanin wished she could go back and make different choices, it was right then. Because of Myanin’s choices, she had completely messed up Thadrick’s mind. She didn’t know if it would ever return to normal, but she was sure of one thing: he wouldn’t be able to tell them about cold fire.
“Are all the historical records in his head messed up?” Lilly asked. “Or just the stuff since you had your little tantrum with it?”
Myanin might have laughed if her soul didn’t feel like it was withering away inside of her. “Little tantrum” was a kind way to describe the ridiculous stunt she’d pulled.
“Perhaps,” Gerick spoke up, “instead of speculating, we should simply call the djinn.”
Myanin met his eyes and tried to see if she could detect any anger there. They’d not known each other long enough for her to be able to discern his expressions with any accuracy, but that didn’t stop her from trying to read something into every wrinkle on his face. Regardless of all the kind things he’d said to her, she still had moments of insecurity. Myanin wasn’t sure she’d ever truly believe herself deserving of love after what she’d done.
Lilly nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“Wait. What?” Myanin sputtered, realizing they were both serious. She didn’t have feelings for Thadrick, not anymore. And yes, the Great Luna had shown a massive amount of grace in how she’d dealt with Myanin’s transgressions. But that didn’t mean she wanted to talk to her prior flame, especially while she was in such a vulnerable place. Her emotions were volatile, to put it mildly. If he wasn’t able to help them, there was a high probability she might stab him out of simple frustration.
“Everything will be okay with Thadrick,” Gerick said as if he could see into her mind. She'd found that he tended to do that a lot. Even though she had difficulty reading him, Gerick seemed to know what she was thinking without her even saying a single word. To say it made Myanin unsettled was an understatement. In her mind, it was the equivalent of being naked with nothing, not even a conveniently placed houseplant, to hide behind. Maybe it was an intimacy she should welcome. Perhaps she could find peace in someone who seemed to know her, and accept her, so completely. But after all the sins she'd committed, Myanin didn’t know if she could ever open her heart to such exposure.
She took several deep breaths and reminded herself that she wasn’t the person she’d once been. Despite the stain she still felt on her soul, the Great Luna had wiped the slate clean. She was a new person. Even though she must deal with the consequences of her actions, Myanin was no longer a slave to the sins she had committed. She could stand before anyone and know that, in truth, they were no better than her. Everyone had skeletons in their closets. Some were simply more visible than others.
“Fine,” she conceded. Myanin shifted on her feet and slipped her hands into her pockets. “When are we doing this?” At the same time the words left her mouth, Lilly’s phone rang.
The warlock queen pulled the phone from her back pocket and glanced at her screen. Her brow rose as she looked to Myanin and then Gerick.
“Speak of the devil,” Lilly said as she answered the phone.
Myanin turned her back away from the queen. She walked toward the workout equipment, heading for the punching bag that had endured so much of her abuse the past couple of weeks. But before she could reach it, Gerick wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back to his chest.
She was tall, but he was even taller, which she loved. Myanin rarely felt feminine, but the few times he’d held her, he'd always managed to make her feel like a lady.
“Talk to me,” he said gently, his warm breath ghosting across her ear. She forced herself not to shiver or to turn in his arms and bury her face in his chest the way she wanted to. What was the point? No amount of comfort he could offer would bring back her friend.
Myanin’s shoulders fell as the air whooshed out of her. For the most part, as long as she was sparring with someone, she could keep her feelings locked away. But when everything was still, when there was nothing to distract her, then the lock would break and all the pain would come surging out. This was one of those moments, but she wasn’t about to let that happen.
Myanin bit her lips so hard that she tasted the sharp metallic tang of blood.
“Hey,” Gerick said more sharply. He released her waist and took her arms in his hands, turning her until she faced him. Then he reached up with one hand and raised her chin until she was forced to either stare at his neck or grow a pair and look into his eyes.
Myanin knew what he would see because she’d seen it many times in the mirror.
“There is nothing set in stone yet,” he said, his hand still under her chin. “Until we know for sure that Tenia is no longer with us, then we will continue to have hope.”
“What if that's a waste of time? A waste of my emotions?” Myanin asked, unable to quell her natural instinct to be a pessimist. Tenia would have pointed it out to her and probably made fun of her. Bloody hell, she missed that. “What if there is no point in any of this? Talking to Thadrick is probably a waste of time, too. What if I just need to accept Tenia’s gone and move on?”
“Is that what you want to do?” He took a step back as if he understood that she needed some breathing room.
“Yes,” she blurted out and then pinched the bridge of her nose. “No. Seven hells, Gerick, I don’t know what I want. I mean, I want her to have kept her ass out of the damn compound. I want to have gotten Torion out sooner. We shouldn’t have waited. We bargained her child’s life, and for what?”
“There was no way for you to know that,” he pointed out. “The leaders of the Order are ruthless and unpredictable.”
“Apparently it wasn’t them we needed to be worried about,” Myanin said. She could hear the bitterness in her voice. “We should have paid more attention to a certain unhinged high fae with a vigilante issue.”
She could hear the soft murmur of Lilly’s voice behind them, though without her supernatural abilities, she couldn’t make out anything being said.
