“And I you.”
ChapterEleven
“I want to run to you. I know that in your arms I will find safety, acceptance, protection, and love. I want to hear my name on your lips. I long to be near you. But I fear I have lost my right to ask for such things. Sometimes the consequences of our actions are just too terrible. They take us past a boundary from which we cannot return.” ~Perizada
Peri bowed her head. Lucian’s words filled every empty place inside her. She let her mate’s warmth invade her. His pain had hit her out of nowhere and sucked the oxygen from her lungs. Once she’d caught her breath, she realized it was the fae bond that had forced them to connect. She’d kept that bond closed to Lucian because of how vulnerable it would make her to him. She’d been a fool to think he wouldn’t one day find out about it.
Peri allowed herself several minutes of solace that came from the brief contact with her mate. She didn’t deserve his comfort, but she took it anyway. Since traveling to the sprite realm and delivering the message given to her in a dream, all she wanted to do was go back there. For a few seconds, she’d been in the presence of her pack, her family. She’d felt her mate through the bond and had fought the need to reach out to him. If she’d stayed even a second longer, Peri knew she wouldn’t have been able to leave. Instead, she flashed back to the draheim realm and wandered aimlessly while her thoughts continually jumped back to her conversation with Serapha.
When in my long past was I saved? Why?
What could have possibly been happening to cause Peri to be in need of help from another? Why couldn’t she have saved herself? Question after question filled the high fae’s mind, and she couldn’t ask the damn draheim. Serapha was nowhere to be found.
With the risk of her own thoughts potentially driving her mad, Peri returned to the cave and to the three supernaturals now in her care. Perhaps she could find a way not to screw this up.Don’t hold your breath.Pushing away thoughts of Lucian that would weaken her resolve to stay away, she turned her attention instead to Skender.
“Does anyone else know of your history?” Peri sat in the cave they’d claimed as their temporary sanctuary. Tenia was still unconscious, and Peri used her magic to keep the woman clean and nourished. But she didn’t know what else she could do for the female fae. So Peri sat against the wall on the other side of the cave and watched as Skender did the best he could to care for her. He and Torion took turns brushing her hair, washing her face with warm water from a spring nearby, and even moving her limbs. Though Peri told him none of this was necessary, the wolf seemed toneedto do something for Tenia.
Upon hearing the question, Skender’s eyes grew large and darted to where Torion sat. It was obvious the wolf was worried about the boy realizing Skender’s story was about himself. But Peri didn’t care. She would shield no one from the truth, and she would not pretend for Skender’s benefit. Torion seemed absorbed in a one-sided conversation he was having with his mother. Skender’s eyes left the child and met Peri’s. “If my history was yours, would you go around sharing it?”
Peri shrugged. Maybe he had a point. The wolf had a checkered past: convoluted, painful, and embarrassing. “Probably not.”
“So forgive me if I do not broadcast my failures to the world.”
“But some of this you didn’t know or didn’t remember,” Peri told him. She thought back to the sound of Skender’s voice as he’d spoken, the inflection and pauses, as if Skender seemed to be learning his story as much as Torion was. It had been very apparent to Peri that the wolf was shocked by the revelations coming from his own mouth.
“That doesn’t change that it happened. It doesn’t change what I did.” Skender’s voice was thick with regret.
Peri never thought she’d see a day that she could relate to the wolf who’d caused such pain to Sally, but here they were. Both of them looking back at the terrible pain they’d caused, unable to change it and drowning in the aftermath. “You might as well get it all out.” Peri motioned to Torion. “And give up the pretense that this story is about anyone but you. The boy is smart and resilient. He can handle it.”
Skender’s face darkened as he stared back at her. Clearly Peri’s interference was not appreciated. He’d get over it.
“I already know the story is about you, Skender,” Torion said. He shifted his body and faced them. “You’ve slipped up a couple of times.”
Skender pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a defeated sigh. “I wish you were wrong, but I want you to know the truth, and I don’t want you to find out from anyone but me.”
“Okay,” Torion said simply.
Peri settled back against the wall and focused all her attention on the wolf across from her. She would let the new information about Skender’s story distract her from another wolf. At least for now.
Skender clenchedhis jaw and considered all the ways he could slant his story to make himself look less like a dirtbag. None existed. Everything he’d done was just as it appeared—horrible. “When I arrived back at the Order,” he began, picking the story up where he’d left off, “I helped Alston do something vile.” He waited to see what Torion’s reaction would be. The boy simply sat there listening, his eyes soft. Skender saw no judgment lurking in their depths, so he continued.
“I helped him capture a healer that is a member of the Romanian wolf pack. Alston took her memories, her life, and erased it. He gave her a new life, one without her true mate, her friends, and her family.”
“Why?” Torion asked, his face screwed up in confusion.
“Because he wanted to gain her magic for the Order. He thought if he removed all her knowledge of the supernatural world and then reintroduced it to her from the Order’s viewpoint, she’d be willing to join them.” Skender felt disgusted as he remembered watching Alston work his power on Sally. How the hell had he let himself be a part of that?
“What happened to the healer? Is she okay?”
Skender grimaced. “She is now. But her experience, I’m sure, has left scars, the kind you can’t see. Scars on the inside.” He ran his hand down Tenia’s arm, gathering his thoughts. Then he forged on. “I lied to my pack. I purposely tried to mislead them in order to get what Alston wanted. I helped him steal the children of pack members. I fought against my own family. Even once I realized what I was doing was a mistake, I couldn’t leave. By that point, I’d felt the pull of my mate. It was the realization that I had a mate, and that she was so close, that seemed to snap me out of the trance I’d been in. I didn’t even realize that’s what it was until the fog lifted.
“I’m not making excuses for what I did, Torion,” he added quickly. “No matter how or why it happened, I hurt people, and I can never take it back.”
“Not going to lie, wolf,” Peri said. “Hearing it out loud from the mouth of the guilty is making me a little zappy.”
Skender cast his eyes to the ground. “I wouldn’t blame you if you killed me where I sit, Peri. Though I would ask you to wait until I know with complete certainty that Torion and Tenia are safe.”
“Don’t kill him.” Torion’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “Please, Perizada. Skender made mistakes. I make them all the time.” His small voice wavered as he spoke.
