Bethany shook her head. “No. Not at all. Dude wrapped me in a sheet and safety pinned it. Then let me waddle my naked ass here to the library for a girls’ night. But then I found out I was pregnant and suddenly he was here carrying me back to our suite and couldn’t keep his hands off me.”
“They like pregnant.” Jen nodded. “Totally gets them hot.”
“Like, seriously intense,” Jacque agreed.
“I can’t get pregnant if he won’t touch me,” Zara pointed out.
“But you can get naked,” Peri said. “In fact, I could work some magic where clothes literally won’t stay on your body. You put them on,and they just disintegrate away.”
Jen’s head whipped around so fast Zara was surprised it didn’t roll right off her shoulders. “I want that,” she pointed at Peri. “Why haven’t I had that?”
“Because you have no trouble keeping your clothes off.” Peri raised a brow at her.
Jacque nodded. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her naked more times than I’ve seen her clothed.”
“Don’t pretend you didn’t like it.” Jen grinned.
“It’s just better not to engage with her.” Sally sighed. “You know it just encourages her.”
“So, Z,” Peri looked at Zara, “you want me to make you naked?”
“That just sounded so wrong,” Crina said and then shoved a cookie in her mouth as if she was trying to keep from saying more.
Zara thought about it, like seriously considered it, but she didn’t think she could just strut around naked. Her body had too many scars, too many things she was already worried would turn her mate away from heroncehe saw her in the flesh, not just in her mind like she’d shown him whenthey’d first met. Finally, she shook her head. “No offense”—she glanced at Bethany—“but I don’t have the lady balls for that. Let’s just say that I didn’t leave the vampires with my female confidence intact.”
The room suddenly becamecompletely silent. Zara glanced around at the surrounding faces. She didn’t see any pity, thank goodness. She saw understanding from Bethany and Sally. Peri, Jen, Jacque and Elle looked ready to kill someone. Crina and Rachel both seemed to peer at her in awe.
“You’re a fighter,” Rachel said.
“You didn’t let them break you,” Sally added.
“Wadim has never made me feel unwanted.” Zara’s voice shook. “He’s been so easy to talk to. I’m trying not to question him. But I can’t help but wonder ifhe’sthe one that’s not ready. He knows how my body was damaged. Maybe he’s worried he won’t be attracted to me.”
Every single female in the room shook their heads at her.
“Nope,” Jen said.
“Couldn’t happen,” Jacque agreed.
“You could be bald, boobless, covered in leprosy, rolled in tar, and then dipped in sewage, and your mate would still desire you,” Crina added. “There’s a reason no other man can love you the way your true mate does.”
Peri leaned forward, resting her arms on her legs as she narrowed her eyes on Zara. “I’ve been around for a long time—”
“Understatement.” Jen coughed.
Peri ignored her and continued. “I’ve been an ambassador to the wolves for most of that time. I’ve been around them, learned their ways, and watched them with their mates. Of all the races, both ordinary and supernatural, there arenone more devoted. You share a soul with your male. You are more precious to him than every breath he takes. There is nothing you could do to change that. Not a single thing in your past, your present, or your future will ever change that.”
Tears welledup inZara’seyes. She was so sick of crying. Every time she was away from Wadim, she had to choke down the painful emotions. It was the pain of rejection. “You guys don’t understand.I am not like you all. I mean, if I took my clothes off, you would not see a complete woman.” She was trying so hard not to lose it. Zara didn’t want to tell them exactly what she meant. It was just too embarrassing. Even now, shewas ashamedat how her body had been forever mutilated. “It’s humiliating,” she whispered, her hands fidgeting in her lap as she tried to keep them from shaking.
“This is obviously a very traumatizing thing for you to talk about,” Peri said slowly, as if picking her words carefully. “You are a dormant, which means there might be limits to how your body deals with trauma. Wolves usually heal faster than humans, and they typically don’t carry scars from injuries unless the wounds were inflicted by a fae blade,” she explained. Peri took a deep breath before she continued. “Was such a weapon involved in your … ordeal?”
Zara shook her head. “I have no idea.” She licked her lips and swallowed. She reached for her wolf’s courage to try and talk to these women who had become more than friends. They were family, pack. They wouldn’t judge her or shame her. “Mostly, he bit me. But he did cut me as well. I have scars everywhere. But he also did something else. Something that makes it almost impossible to look at myself in amirror. I’ve tried to get past it. Wadim has reassured me over and over that it doesn’t change how he sees me. But I feel incomplete.”
The high fae stared at her for a long time. Then she finally spoke again. “I can try to help. But I’ll need to know what was done, and I can’t make any promises.”
Zara’s heart sped up. She felt a sliver of hope begin to blossom. Maybe it was wrong of her to want to change herself. Her mate assured her he still found her attractive. But in reality, she knew it wasn’t completely about Wadim. It was about herself. It was about the fact that she’d lost something that made her a woman. Did men have them? Yes, but they didn’t serve a purpose. They didn’t have the ability to sustain the life of their child. Men didn’t see them as a substantial body part that made them feel complete. She wanted that back. She wanted it for herself, not for Wadim, but because it was how she was created. A woman. Equal to a man but different. And they were good differences,necessarydifferences.
Zara clenched her jaw and then finally answered. “If I ever had a child, I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed them.”
