“That’s a good way to put it.My first thought was he didn’t think I was strong enough to handle his pain. As if I’m somehow weaker. Then I was angry because I felt like he was hiding it fromme. The more I thought about it, the more hurt I became. And then I felt guilty he had taken so much of my sorrow. He’d just been giving and giving, and I’d been taking. I almost felt like I’d trapped him somehow, as if he didn’t have a choice but to keep his pain to himself. So, I set him free.”
“It felt like if you didn’t touch him, then it was easier to keep him from feeling your emotions?” Sallyasked.
Crina nodded. “And when he’s touching me, I’m constantly wondering if I’m the only one being honest through our bond. I mean, I don’t think he was doing it on purpose, but it just hurt so damn bad. On top of everything else, I’d failed my mate.”
“No,” Jacque said, shaking her head and squeezing Crina’s hand tighter. “You didn’t fail him. You’re both still learning what the bond between a fae and a wolf looks like. Of course, it was going to be a little different between you two, regardless of the mind link and the markings. That doesn’t mean either of you has failed the other one.It just means you have to talk, even though it’s uncomfortable as all get out. You have to be vulnerable, which sucks. And you have to tell him exactly what you need from him, which can be embarrassing.”
“Jacque, I’m not sure you’re helping herwantto do those things,” Sally said in her sweet voice that really meant she thought you were an idiot.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” Jacque challenged.
“She’s not wrong,” Zara said. “Even I know that much, despite my lack of dominance bedroom games. Just think of the conversation I’m going to get to have with my mate. I’ll probably hide under the bed while he talks.”
Crina grinned. “Wadim is blunt. That will be an interesting conversation.”
“Right?” Zaracocked her head. “Why is he so blunt? He just says whatever pops into his head,and there it is.”
“He was alone too long in his library dungeon.” Crina laughed. “Starved for interaction.”
Zara sighed as her shoulders drooped. “Well, just think of me and my embarrassed self when you and your mate have the awesome talk. As Jacque has explained, it will make us all want to jump on the ‘be open and honest with your mate’ train.”
“I needto ban you from hanging out with Jen,” Jacque said, narrowing her eyes on Wadim’s mate. Then Jacque turned back to Crina. “I’m going to be bossy for a minute. You look like hell, and your wolf is restless and growly. I can feel her through this new bond I’m trying to adjust to. You and she both need your mate. You need his touch. Beat the crap out of him first if that helps, but then talk to him. Crina, he adores you. Anyone who has seen him look at you can see that.”
“Okay,” Crina said. “I miss him so much. I don’t think I would last another day without begging him to forgive me.”
Sally shook her head. “He’s going to tell you there’s nothing to forgive.”
“And he’ll be right,” Jacque added.
*****
Fane shifted from his squatted position and sat down next to Adam. The alpha leaned against him, his side pressed firmly to the fae. Decebel moved to sit on Adam’s other side in the same position.Touch. It was essential to their wolves. Owing to his relationship with Crina, it had become essential to Adam as well, but the fae didn’t realize it. Fane could feel a bond with Adam, though it wasn’t as strong as his bond with his wolves. The alpha could sense through that bond that the fae was starved for touch. Mostly for the touch of his mate, but also from those who loved him and Crina. He needed to know he wasn’t in this alone. He might be fae, but he had half the soul of aCanis lupusinside of him now.
Fane swallowed hard and forced his own emotions under control.Thepain had been breathtaking at times, literally.Jacquelynwould hold him at night and just let him go through whatever emotion consumed him in the darkness of their bedroom. He couldn’t imagine not having herthere, not having her touch open to him whenever he needed it. He wouldn’t have survived his parents’ death without her. Costin sat down at his feet, his leg resting on top of Fane’s. Lucian took on the same position, only his leg rested on top of Adam’s foot. To humans, it probably would have looked weird. But to their wolves it was normal and necessary. If they were in their wolf forms, theywould be piled in a pack tightly around each other, and probably laying on top of Adam.which, for a fae, might be strange. But the man was one of Fane’s pack, and Adam needed his mate and his pack mates.
“Can you feel her now?” Fane asked the fae.
Adam nodded. “Only just.”
“So, she hasn’t completely shut down the bond. That’s a good sign,” he explained. “When did she stop letting you touch her and to what extent?”
Adam shifted, and Fane could feel his unease.
“I’m not asking about your physical intimacy,” Fane explained. “That question is already answered if she’s not letting you get close. I want to knowhow muchof your touch she will allow.”
Adam cleared his throat. “At first, she sought me out.” His voice was full of longing as he spoke. “She wanted me close all the time. I loved it.” A wistful smile momentarily adorned his face, as if he wereenjoying thememory.“I never feel calm … or … I’m not sure how to explain it, but something ismissingwhen we’re not touching. But as soon as I hold her hand or wrap my arms around her, I’m whole again. I can breathe.”
Fane watched Adam’s expressions as he spoke. The alpha leaned harder against him as he saw the male’s eyes take on a glassy sheen. The fae would find no judgment here for a single tear he cried, especially not tears shed for a true mate.
“She would just sit in my lap with her head on my shoulder for hours,” he continued. He closed his eyes briefly, as if remembering those moments. “Sometimes, she would talk. Other times, she would ask me to talk, I think, to distract her. I could feel her pain.Occasionally, it was so strong that my body physically ached. At one point, when it got really bad, I tried taking some of it through the bond, so she wouldn’t have to bear it all.”
Fane and the three other males all made rumbling sounds, their wolves recognizing that Crina’s wolf would not have taken that well. It would have made her feel inadequate.
“I guessthat was the wrong thing to do?” Adam asked, looking around at them.
“We’ll get to that,” Fane assured him. “Go on with the rest.” Fanecould tell Adamneeded to share everything he’d been dealing with on his own. How many times had Fane’s father told him that very thing?He’d say, “You aren’t alone, Fane. Let those who love you be there when you need it.”Vasile’s voice filled his mind for a moment and then disappeared as quickly as it had come.
Adam let out a humorless laugh. “I guessthat’s about when it started. But it was slow. It wasn’t like one day I could hold her, kiss her, and love her, and then I couldn’t. It was subtle. I’d pull her to me, and she’d let me hold her, but gradually I noticed the amount of time she’d stay in my arms became shorter and shorter. Kissing her…” he whispered, his eyes filled with wonder even as a single tear slowly ran down his cheek, “I never knew it could be so addictive. I didn’t know it could be more than just lust. I didn’t realize I’d come to thirst for her taste. That sounds abnormal, doesn’t it?”
