Before Zara could respond, Wadim and the fae, who’d stood there silently while they’d had their private moment, flashed from the room, and she was left to wait. Wait and wonder and worry. The three W’s every female hated.
Bethany stoodin the farthest corner of the armory. Alina had just flashed with one of the fae warriors, and the room was steadily emptying as more fae warriors took the fighters out to confront the enemy who had gathered at their door. She could see the room around her, but that wasn’t her focus. Her mind was centered inward, on the voice speaking to her.
“Are you safe?”Drake’s voice rumbled through the bond and filled her head. She trembled as she felt his touch on her face and wished he were right there in front of her.
“I’m in the weapons room with those in the pack who aren’t fighting.”She looked around and noticed Zara on the other side of the room.“Zara is here.”When the other woman glanced her way, as if she’d heard her name, Bethany motioned her over.
“I’ll be with you soon. I’m outside fighting with the others. I need you and our child safe.”
“I love you.”Bethany needed him to hear the words even though he already knew.
“And I love you. See you soon.”Then he was gone, and the bond closed.
“You okay?” Zara asked as she took a seat next to her on the bench.
Bethany started to answer, but the other female held up a hand to stop her.
“And I’m asking because I really want to know. I’m not looking for the sweet, simple answer that keeps me from actually needing to care about someone besides myself,” Zara continued.
The stern words of the girl, who looked to be a little younger than Bethany, made her smile. “Thank you, Zara. I appreciate your honesty, and yes, I am okay. I mean, as okay as any pregnant, dormant, newly mated werewolf can be.”
Zara laughed. “You sound like someone who needs to be on one of those outrageous talk shows. Imagine bringing out one of the pack members on stage. ‘I’m sorry, Mr. Werewolf, but you are not the father!’”
“We could keep one of those shows running for several seasons.” Bethany sighed and rested one arm on the table in front of her while her other hand laid on her flat stomach.
“Are you excited?” Zara asked as she nodded toward the resting hand.
“I’m not sure if excited is the right word.” Bethany narrowed her eyes a little as she realized that the woman she was talking to was the only other person on earth who could possibly understand what she was feeling. She sat forward, leaning closer to Zara as she basically word vomited everything that had been building inside of her since the moment Sally had told her she was having a child. “You thought you would die with them, didn’t you?”
“The vampires?” Zara asked and then quickly nodded. “Absolutely. I was trying to figure out a way to kill myself.” Bethany noticed the girl’s eyes widened as though realizing she’d admitted that out loud. “I mean, there was, I just—”
Bethany quickly interrupted her. “No judgement. We lived in hell, Zara. No one gets to judge our actions or decisions. I wanted to die, too. I thought I would. I never imagined I would see the light of day again, let alone another human being. So, to be honest, with this whole baby thing, I’m freaking out just a little.” She pinched her thumb and forefinger together as she said this but knew the look in her eyes made it clear that her freak-out had gone way past “just a little.”
“It’s okay to be scared.” Zara reached out and took Bethany’s free hand and gripped it tightly. “No judgement.”
Bethany smiled at the repeated words. “Then, I’m terrified as shit, and if you tell Drake I cussed like that, I’ll lie through my teeth and throw you under the bus at an undisclosed time.”
Zara threw her head back and laughed. The room that had been full of murmurs quieted down as all the eyes turned to look at them. Bethany glanced quickly around but then focused on the other she-wolf.
“The truth is, Z, I went into hell not much more than a child. I never expected to have anything. The thought of losing everything I’ve gained now is horrifying. And now that I’m pregnant, there’s a part of me that mourns the fact that if Drake dies, then I die. But then there’s the half of my soul that is a part of his, and I wouldn’t want to live without him either.”
“If something happens to Wadim, then the amazing life I finally have is just…” Zara’s words faded off as if she couldn’t bear to speak them out loud.
Bethany completely understood. She didn’t voice any more of her own concerns for fear that it would somehow bring them to pass. “You and Wadim seem to be a good fit,” she said.
Zara’s lips turned up just a bit. “Soul mates.” She chuckled. “Who would have thought they’re actually real.”
“Right?” Bethany smiled. Her mind went back to when she’d first met Drake. She remembered being in the room with the cage, seeing him pace back and forth, constantly staring at her as if he were scared she’d disappear. She recalled how reverently he’d touched her, and he still did. Sometimes he still looked at her as if she’d disappear if he blinked. Bethany felt his fear and his pure joy at having his true mate, at having her in his life.
“It’s too much to take in sometimes,” Zara said, interrupting her memories. “Their emotions are intense. All I felt for so long was hate. And then I bumped into Wadim, literally, and there was this happiness that wasn’t just happiness. It was pure and full of hope. I didn’t know how to process it, and I still don’t know how to sometimes.” She looked at Bethany’s stomach, and then her lips tightened. “I can’t even complete the bonding.” Zara’s voice was filled with shame, and Bethany didn’t like that. Zara had nothing to be ashamed of.
“No one can tell you when to be ready for marriage. And that’s what it is to them, the bonding, the Blood Rites. It’s theCanis lupusversion of marriage, and that’s a freaking huge commitment. Even though you know he’s your soul mate. You feel everything he does. You know his thoughts and he knows yours. None of that means you have to just rush up to the proverbial altar.”
“He’s been waiting for his true mate, Bethany,” Zara said softly. “They all have or still are. The males who aren’t mated, I see the way they look at Wadim, Drake, Decebel, and the others. They aren’t envious. Theyare awed and desperate for the same thing. It’s not a wicked look in their eyes, not a coveting look. It’s just so wanting, a longing that looks painful.”
Bethany knew what she was talking about. She’d seen it, too, in the unmated males, and it was difficult to watch.
“Wadim has his true mate, and yet at the same time, he doesn’t.” Zara sighed and slumped against the table. She rested her elbows on it and then laid her head in her hands. “I can feel his wolf’s longing. I can feel both of their needs, and yet I can’t get past my own fear. I know Wadim would never hurt me. But my mind…”
