“There’s no point in even getting into bed. I can’tsleep.”
“I’m sure Rachel could help or perhaps Alina could give you an Alpha command,” he said, a suggestion Costin had made before and she’d yet toaccept.
Sally shook her head. “I don’t want anyone messing with my mind. It’s had enough damage done to it.” She turned and scurried toward the safety of the bathroom. At least there she could lock the door and wallow without anaudience.
“Sally, don’t shut me out,” Costin toldher.
“It’s safer this way, Costin,” she said as she stepped into the bathroom and turned to face him. “You don’t want to know what’s in my head. Ipromise.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m your mate, your husband.” He nearly growled. “I not only want all of you, dark thoughts and memories included, but I deserve all of you. I have a right to all of you. You cannot do this alone, and no one expects you to, least of all me. It’s only been a week, Sally mine. Give yourself time toheal.”
“It’s not like I have the flu,” she yelled back. “My body hasn’t been injured. No amount of time will fix what’s been broken. Don’t you get it? I’m.Broken.”
“Even broken things can be put back together,” he said as the fight seemed to drain out of him. His eyes continued to glow, but he took a step away from her. “I’m not going anywhere, Sally. I’m going to help put you back together. I understand you’re hurting and maybe things seem hopeless, but if you’re expecting me to just let you lay down and die, then you don’t know me as well as I thought youdid.”
Tears had begun to flow down her face at some point while he’d been talking. She could hear the sincerity in his voice. She knew in her soul he was going to stay by her side, but it was her mind that was questioning everything she once knew to be true. With nothing more to say, she shut the door. His eyes never left hers, and she knew he was still staring at the door after itclosed.
Sally turned and pressed her back against it and slid to the floor. For the first couple of days, she’d been able to be close to Costin. She’d allowed him to touch her and allowed herself the same liberties with him. But then the nightmares started, and the fragile healing that had begun was ripped apart. All that was left were her emotions, raw and exposed. After the fifth night of troubled dreams, death started looking like a pleasant alternative to the hell in which she wasliving.
* * *
The clickof the lock felt like a blow to his gut. Costin stared at the door that separated him from his mate and fought the urge to rip it off the hinges. He wanted to roar and rage, but doing so would solve nothing. His frustration level was at an all-time high as he began to realize there was nothing he could do to fix the mess in which they’d found themselves. He was well and truly helpless. The only other time he’d felt anything close to this was when he’d been in the In Between. But this was reality, not magic induced hallucinations. And it was so much worse than anything he’d endured in the InBetween.
Costin had been trying to give her space over the last few days. He hoped time alone would help her work through her emotions. He didn’t want to smother her, but she seemed to be getting worse instead of better. There were things they still needed to talk about, like the fact that he’d killed someone, but he was still fighting the darkness that had grown so much in him while his mate had been captured. He kept all those thoughts tucked away to be dealt with later. He had to focus on his mate. Costin could feel the darkness inside of her. She was living on the fumes of anger, guilt, and hopelessness. She wouldn’t let him in her mind, and he had no doubt he would be very angry by what he’d find if shedid.
Sally didn’t realize that, despite being unable to hear her thoughts, he could feel her emotions loud and clear. The things she was feeling were so strong they often took Costin’s breath away. He didn’t know how she could stand under all that weight, and he longed for her to let him bear it with her. But she wouldn’t. Not only did she refuse to open their bond, she wouldn’t let him touch her. And she’d made no move to touch himeither.
His wolf was hungry for her. Any touch, no matter how small or innocent, would be coveted. But she kept distance between them anytime they were together. He knew why she wouldn’t allow it, but even knowing did not stop the insecurities from filling him. He worried she was no longer attracted to him or maybe he didn’t compare with the wolf that haunted her memories. He tried very hard not to give that thought any consideration because it nearly caused him to lose control of the beast inside him. But how could henotcompare himself to the only other man she’d ever beenwith?
Memories, her memories, flashed in his mind, and he felt the blood in his veins begin to warm until it was like burning lava flowing inside of him. It wasn’t her fault; it hadn’t been her choice. He told himself this over and over, but it didn’t change the fact that it hurt to know she’d been with another. Her memories weren’t that of a female fighting off an unwanted male but that of a woman lost in passion. He knew her attraction to the other male was a result of the be-spelled bracelet, yet he couldn’t stop himself from morbidly wanting to know if she enjoyed her time with him. It was like a horrible train wreck, mottled with savaged bodies. No matter how gruesome the scene, he couldn’t look away. He couldn’t unsee the things he’d seen in Sally’s mind before she’d shut down theirbond.
With one last look at the door behind which his Sally was hiding, he turned and strode through the suite. His steps were long and purposeful, covering the distance to the door in half a second. He needed air. The walls of the rooms were closing in on him, and he felt as though he couldn’t breathe. By the time he slammed the door behind him and was standing in the corridor, he sounded as if he’d run amarathon.
“Do I want to know why you’re breathing that hard after just having left your suite? Because we both know you don’t have any exercise equipment in there,” Jen said as she stopped midstride. She placed a hand on her hip and titled her head as she stared him down. She shook her head. “Never mind. That is definitely not the panting of a well-satisfiedmale.”
“Jennifer, why are you talking about panting and satisfied males with Costin?” Decebel asked as he stepped up behindher.
“Pump your brakes, B. I’m just trying to figure out why Costin came practically running out of his suite this late atnight.”
“Why are you roaming the halls this late at night?” Costin countered, hoping to take the attention offhimself.
Jen’s smile was sly. “Because I’m a vagabond and prone towander.”
Costin’s frown deepened. “What?”
She waved her hand at him. “Nothing. I’m spouting nonsense because you’re pissing me off by avoiding the issue. Why are you out here”—she pointed to the hall—“and not in there?” she asked, and then pointed to the door behindhim.
“Jen, love, remember that thing we talked about … the boundaries?” Decebel askedher.
She snorted out a laugh. “Yes, B, I remember. Sally doesn’t get boundaries. She’s practically a sister. And since she doesn’t get boundaries, neither does dimple boy. Now…” She narrowed her eyes on him and took a step forward. “What is goingon?”
Costin was practically shaking with the need to run. He didn’t want to talk about what was going on between him and his mate. He felt like a failure already. he didn’t need everyone in the pack knowing just how badly he’d screwed things up, even though he didn’t have a clue what he’d donewrong.
He looked up to Decebel, hoping his longtime friend would see in the brief glance that he needed the man’s mate to backoff.
“I think I hear Thia calling you,” Decebel said as he gripped Jen by the shoulders and began tugging her back. “I’m almost positive she’s yelling that she needs hermommy.”
Jen rolled her eyes. “First of all, she can’t even speak in complete sentences, and second, she only knows one word—daddy. She constantly babbles it because she’s a punk.” Jen tried to shrug her mate off, but Decebel wasn’t lettinggo.
