“How can you be so sure?” Cyn asked. Her arms hung loosely by her sides, and she kept her shoulders relaxed. If she got upset it would only add fuel to Thalion’s already raging fire.
He turned his narrowed, sea green, eyes on her, and Cyn felt the certainty of what he believed.“I know because I know. Before the day I met you, I never felt complete. I never felt whole. I only felt empty. That all changed the moment I saw you. There is no other for me. I’ve told you time and time again, female, you were made forme. My soul recognizes you, only you.”
Cyn wanted to growl in frustration, but she kept her face relaxed and ignored the desire to cross her arms in front of her chest. She wanted to claim the same things he was sharing with her and part of her believed her soul recognized him as well, but what if she was wrong?
Thalion had repeatedly requested that she bind herself to him—that they perform a mating ceremony. Every time the subject came up, she withdrew, causing tension between them. It was a defense mechanism, she knew. It certainly was not a healthy way to deal with conflict, but Cyn couldn’t face the thought of giving her heart to him and then losing him. She thought if she ignored the possibility of a future with him, she could keep her soul closed off. Then it wouldn’t hurt as badly if she eventually had to walk away.
She stood there silently, her eyes holding his gaze. Cyn wanted to comfort him, but she was confused and unsure—two things she hated to be.
“Do you have nothing to say?” he asked, his tone now a tad gentler.
After a few moments, Cyn let out a sigh and finally spoke. “It’s been a month since the she-wolves were rescued from Reyaz and Peri found out she had a mate. I need to check in with her to make sure she doesn’t need my help.” Her words sounded lame even to her own ears.
“Running away again?” he asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a frustrated sigh of his own. “Am I not worth it? Are you not willing to fight for us?”
His words felt like a knife being plunged into her abdomen, and the pain in his eyes made her feel as though that knife was being twisted, shredding her insides. Her resolve to remain calm crumbled as the mighty prince of the elves fell back against the wall. He looked as if he’d been carrying a great weight and now his strength was finally depleted. The weight was about to crush him.
She took a step toward him but he held up his hand, causing her feet to freeze in place. She felt as if he was twisting the knife anew. Cyn was sure that any movement on her part would cause her to shatter just like the vase that Thalion had thrown.
“Answer me,” he commanded.
Her heart beat painfully in her chest as she tried to unjumble the words in her mind so that they might come out as something that resembled a coherent thought. The coldness Cyn was feeling inside must have been plastered across her face, looking all too much like the icy mask she so often kept in place. She could see Thalion’s hurt beginning to turn to anger.
“I’ve told you before not to look at me like that. Don’t hide from me. Don’t treat me like I am just any OTHER MALE,” the elf roared at her, pushing away from the wall as his anger breathed new life into him. “Scream at me, curse at me! By the gods, even throw something at me, but don’t hide from me!” His voice boomed throughout the suite they occupied in the elfin castle.
“If you would seal your lips long enough for me to gather my thoughts, then maybe I would share my feelings with you.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “You are more than worth it. I want to fight for us.” She paused, attempting to steel herself for the vulnerability she was about to expose. “I’m scared, Thalion. You and I are immortal. We stand before the edge of eternity. There may be no end to this life for us. To love someone, knowing if you lose that person, you will spend eternity mourning them, is a kind of scary I can’t even begin to express. How can either of us promise to give ourselves fully to the other when the future is so uncertain? A fae and an elf, Thalion. It’s never been done.”
“You’ve fought the feelings between us from the beginning. You’ve denied me for nearly two centuries. The woman I fell in love with doesn’t back down because she’s afraid of pain.”
Cyn felt her temper rise. The wall she kept in place had completely crumbled and she had nothing to keep her in check. “You know I’m not afraid of the physical pain,” she snapped. “Physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I would suffer if I lost you.”
“Was it mere coincidence that brought you to my doorstep, Cyn? You needed help. You needed elven weapons to fight the Draheim, but you could have gotten that help from any elf in my realm. Instead you came to me. Three decades had passed since I’d seen you. Had any part of you missed me? Or was I just a means to an end?”
“How can you ask me that?” Cyn nearly yelled. “Staying away from you was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of you. I wondered if you’d moved on and found a female of your own race to love. I was so scared I would find you in the arms of another, and I knew it would destroy me. I protected myself. Forever is a long time to live with a broken heart.”
Thalion pulled his shoulders back, rising to his full height. It was the prince that stood before her now, not the lover that adored her.
“Are you telling me that our relationship will never go any further than this?” He motioned between them. “You will forever keep a part of yourself from me?”
Well, when he puts it like that, it makes me sound like a heartless witch. “I’m saying that I need time to think. I need a little space to figure out what’s going on in my heart and head.”
“Do you know how long it will take?” he ground out through clenched teeth.
Shaking her head, Cyn squeezed her eyes closed and pushed aside the pain she was already beginning to feel at the thought of being separated from him. It didn’t matter that the isolation was self-inflicted. Apparently, she was a glutton for punishment.
Cyn felt his strong arms come around her though she hadn’t heard him move. She wasn’t surprised by this. Thalion’s race was every bit as agile as her own. She was, however, surprised that he’d chosen to hold her after what she’d said.
“I will give you the space you are asking for.” He began, as he placed his hand on the back of her head and guided her until her face was pressed against his chest. “I won’t like it. It will be painful, but I can’t force you to be with me.”
Cyn tensed. She knew what was coming.
“I need to be honest with you.” Thalion pulled back but didn’t release her. “I will not accept only a part of you. You must understand that by now. If I give you all of me, which I am more than ready to do, I expect the same from you.”
“All or nothing,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Cyn felt the bile rise in her throat as she considered a life without him.
“My race doesn’t possess the ability to love without full devotion. We are more similar to the wolves than we would like to admit. When we love, it is with our complete being. We do not know any other way. Once our loyalty is given, it cannot be revoked.”
His intense gaze was more than she could handle so she turned her head and stared out the window. The sky was too blue and the sun was too bright for the darkness she felt inside. Worry, fear, and pain were clouding her thoughts, pushing out any positive emotions. Cyn suddenly felt as though she were suffocating. She had to get away from his words. She couldn’t stand there any longer. She refused to hear him say that he would walk away. It was too much for her fragile heart.
