She kicks off her shoes and motions for the kids to join her. “Come on, Jax. Dance with your grandma.”
Jax looks at me like Mom has lost her mind. I call out, “Mom, that gate locks so people don’t wander in from the beach. If you go out, someone’s got to stay back here to let you in.”
Mom’s got her heels in one hand, and she’s already working her hips, moving closer toward the water intime with the music. “Don’t care,” she says. “I put dinner on my room, and I’ve got a room key.”
Jax looks to me for permission, which I give, and to my surprise, he takes off onto the beach with his grandma. He kicks off his shoes and runs back and forth, picking up shells and wiggling his toes in the surf.
Phantom looks at his kids. “What about you two?”
“What about you two?” Daisy mimics her dad’s gruff voice, and I burst out laughing.
He lifts one brow at her and growls, but she just takes her sister’s hand and says, “We’re going.”
Holly, to my surprise, lets her little sister drag her onto the beach. Daisy immediately starts dancing with Mom, kicking up her arms and legs like a loon. Holly has the good sense to look embarrassed for about five seconds, but after glancing around and seeing there’s only a handful of people in the restaurant and our family dancing on the beach at sunset on a cool, late-fall night, she grabs Jax’s hands and starts spinning him in circles.
Mom is a one-woman dance party out there, leading the kids in what looks like a lot of fun. I sip the last of my wine and watch them, absently rubbing my finger over my tattoo.
“I can’t decide if I want to join them or ditch ’em,” Phantom says as he looks out over the beach.
“Same,” I laugh.
The stars sparkle over us as the night grows later, the sky as dark blue and brilliant as Phantom’s eyes.
“Both?” he asks. “One dance then back to our room before we get dragged into the game room or a movie?”
I get up from the table and take his hand. I kick my heels off once we hit the sand, and Phantom toes off his motorcycle boots. We leave them by the restaurant gate, and Phantom puts his hands around my waist. I wrap my arms tight around him and rest my cheek against his shoulder.
We sway to the music while our kids jump and dance around us. Mom’s white hair glitters under the moonlight.
I look up at the stars and, instead of imagining Michael, see midnight-blue eyes. The deepest smile. A black beard that tickles my cheek when he lowers his lips to kiss me.
I say a little prayer for Michael. I hope he’s at peace. I hope he knows that, just like Holly and Daisy saying goodbye to their mother, goodbye doesn’t mean you stop loving the person. Not having them in your life every day doesn’t mean there isn’t still room for them in your heart.
I must let him go. Once and for all. I have to release the love I once had and embrace the love I do have.
This isn’t goodbye forever, I think.This is just what it looks like to finally heal.
By the timewe get up to the room, even the wedding music has stopped. My toes are sandy, and the kids are sweaty. Mom agrees to let the girls watch a movie in theroom she’s sharing with Jax, and she assures me she’ll get Holly and Daisy to bed after the movie.
She lets the kids get off the elevator first, holding back a little while the girls and Jax run off toward their connected rooms. She turns to Phantom. “I’m learning to be a little more like you,” she says. She gives him a long hug. “Sometimes you don’t need to say anything, but you’ve communicated so much.”
When she pulls back from the hug, she reaches up and cups his face, nods, and then turns to me. She gives me a hug as well, and I thank her for everything.
When she pulls back, I see something in her eyes. Tears. “This may not be the life I pictured for you,” she says, “but that’s okay. It’s better than even the best I could have imagined. I’m proud of you.”
Then she runs, still barefoot and holding her heels, down the hallway after the kids. “Wait up,” she yells. “Grandma Lori smuggled in microwave popcorn!”
Phantom looks at me, his eyes wide.
I just shake my head.
“I have absolutely no words,” I tell him.
We hold hands and head to our room. Inside, we’re both quiet. Unusually quiet. I’m sure he’s got a lot on his mind with Shayla and sending her off to rehab. My mind and heart are full too. I wash off my sandy toes in the bathroom and change into a sleep tee and shorts. I brush my teeth, then join Phantom on the balcony. He holds me and looks out over the water.
“I love you,” he says quietly. “You know that, right?”
I nod. “I love you too.”
