She frowns at me, those glossy lips going thin.
“Don’t panic, Dana. I’m not here to hurt you, but I have to do this.”
Dana gives me a puzzled look as I walk to the front glass door. I lift my foot and kick with all my strength, sending my boot through the plate glass. It shatters into pebbles but doesn’t fall to the floor. Safety glass. I guess that’s a good thing.
I turn and point at Dana. “I’ll be back tomorrow,” I promise, then I pull the door open and walk through it. When I slam it closed behind me, then the glass crumbles, falling to the floor like a million marbles.
When I get back to the compound, I’m on fire. Fury burns through my body, sparking in my limbs and making me so furious I want to fight something else. I go to the back lot, where we have a shed with gym equipment. I work out hard, punching the bag, doing pull-ups, and lifting weights until I’m dripping with sweat and spent.
I storm back through the compound and head to the bar.
“You need a water or something stronger?” Stella leans forward, putting on a show.
I look away. “Water,” I bark.
She hands me two bottles, and I twist the cap off one and take a long drink. I’m only slightly cooler, but she doesn’t deserve to be on the shit end of my wrath. “Thanks, Stel.”
I’m getting up off the stool with both waters in hand when she stops me dead. “Talked to Violet?”
I freeze, but I don’t answer.
“I didn’t get her number before she left,” Stella says, her voice practiced and careful.
I turn to face her, but Stella turns away, wiping the counter clean and chattering on as if this isn’t the first time in a month that anyone has brought up Violet James.
“I just thought, you know, when you talk to her next that you could tell her the girls say hi. She never really liked calling us bitches, so I’m sure she’d say something PG-rated like girls or ladies. She was sweet like that, don’t you think?”
She’s not looking at me, and I can’t decide whether to storm away or break something else. Since I can’t do either without looking like a pussy, I drop back onto the stool.
“I haven’t talked to her.”
“Oh.” Stella’s pouring on the fake surprise a little thick, but I let her.
I actually like having someone mention Violet to me. It’s a relief to get her out of my head where she’s lived constantly for the last month.
“You know, Shadow, you could do that. Text or call her. Just check in on how she is.” Stella cocks her chin at me. “Sometimes it’s nice to reach out when someone’s on your mind. Assure yourself that they’re doing okay. It doesn’t always have to mean anything or go anywhere.”
I don’t say anything, just glare off into the distance.
“Or you know,” she continues, “you could invite her over for a drink or dinner. Take her out, even. Maybe the phone call will lead someplace. I don’t think you’ll know unless you try. God knows I’d call her if I had her number. I think about her all the time. Don’t you?”
I surprise myself when I admit it. “I can’t get her out of my head. Not for one goddamn minute. My room smells like her. My books remind me of her nerd shit. I hate everyone and everything that isn’t her.”
Stella covers her mouth with her hand, but I can tell she’s laughing behind her fingers. “I miss her too,” she says. “And who knows. Maybe she’s as miserable without you as you are without her.”
I hold up my hands, the knuckles scarred and marked with bruises. “Our lives aren’t exactly compatible, Stel. I don’t really walk the straight and narrow, and she’s…”
“Nerd girl,” Stella supplies. “I know.” She leans back against the bar and sighs. “Shadow, you know people change. I’m not saying you’re ever gonna stop all this.” She waves her hand around, motioning toward the shelves of alcohol bottles, the dart board on the wall, or the massive TV. “But a lot of guys find old ladies. They manage.”
“Shades of gray don’t work,” I tell her, shaking my head. “In this world, you’re either good or you’re bad. You’re powerful or you’re weak.”
“Shadow, I can smell a line of bull like that a mile away, and you’re sitting in sniffing distance.” She shakes her head. “Black-and-white is for checkerboards and floor tiles. Real life, real people, aren’t like that. Love isn’t like that.”
I snort when she says the L-word. “It ain’t like that.”
“Okay. Maybe you’re not head over heels for this woman. Maybe you’d just be a little bit happier if you could see her once in a while. Fuck her brains out on the GTO and take her home at the end of the night.”
She gives me a look. “Life is hard, Shadow. The people around here know that better than anybody. But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a little happiness. A little fun. You had something with Violet. I think you owe it to yourself to at least see how she’s doing.”
