“So, what’s next, librarian? Where’s home when you’re not riding out a storm at the compound?” Stella’s question is innocent enough, but it brings the reality of the situation back in a rush.
I give her the simplest answer, swallowing down a mouthful of salad, my throat suddenly very dry. “I’m hoping the condo I’m renting is ready.”
She gets dragged into some conversation by Penny. I finish my dinner in silence, just listening and watching the women chat. There are curses and laughter, shouts, and even smoke as someone lights up something that definitely isn’t a cigarette.
I feel someone looking at me, and I glance up to meet Shadow’s intense stare.
He’s frowning, and that expression only deepens when he sees me looking back at him. Is he ready for me to go? To get out of his hair and stop freeloading? I haven’t eaten or drunk that much, and they’ve all been really generous about feeding me, but I wonder if I should offer to pay for my food or something. There is still so much about this place and these people I don’t fully understand.
As much as this place shocked and terrified me at first, one thing I do believe is that it’s a home. There are people who care about one another here. Meals and shared experiences, games and love. Lust, I correct myself. Lust.
What Shadow and I have sure as heck can’t be anything more than that. But these people share a certain kind of love with one another. And I feel fortunate to have been included in it for as long as I have.
When we’re done eating, I clear the table with Penny and one of the prospects, Jizzy.
“You all right?” he asks me. “After today?” He looks nervous. He either doesn’t think he should be talking to me, or he doesn’t want to bring up what happened.
I smile at the kid. “Thanks for asking. And don’t worry. I told Shadow I forced you to let me outside.”
“Shadow’ll get over it. What matters is that you’re safe. I kept you inside when it mattered.”
He wanders off toward the kitchen, his arms full of dirty dishes. I follow him and am rolling up my sleeves to start loading up the dishwasher with Stella when Shadow appears in the kitchen. He doesn’t say anything. Just leans in the doorway and watches me. I look at him sadly, until Stella nudges my hip.
“Go on,” she says. “We got this.”
“I don’t mind—” I try to argue. I’m happy to help. After all they’ve done for me, it’s the least I can do, but Stella points.
“Go,” she says. “You cooked. No need to clean up too. Cammy’s just trying to get out of her turn.”
“Shut up, bitch.” Cammy is suddenly at my elbow, giving Stella a smirk before turning to me and holding out her hands. “Now, give me that plate, and go fuck your man.”
I flush hard. My man. I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that, so I don’t. I just hand Cammy the soapy plate, give Stella a sad smile, and walk to Shadow.
He doesn’t say anything, just turns, and I follow him back down the corridor toward his bedroom. Once we’re in his room, he shuts the door. The lights are off, and he slams my body against the closed door, locking me into place with an arm positioned above me.
“Violet James,” he breathes.
“Johnny Butcher,” I say.
We don’t say anything else. He lowers his mouth to mine and snakes a hand under my hair, pulling my face toward his. His lips tease mine, kissing lightly, slowly.
It’s like he’s imprinting the memory of how I feel on his brain. I think that’s what he’s doing because I’m doing it too.
I run my hands along the sides of his neck. I stroke the stubble on his throat, cup his chin, and hold his bearded jaw close to my face. I savor the taste of him, the mellow sweetness that will always remind me of whiskey. I memorize the way his tongue probes my mouth, tasting, tangling, dancing with mine.
The kisses grow more intense, and I feel Shadow’s erection as he presses his hips against mine. I don’t know how many times I have had sex with this man, but tonight, I want to make love to him.
I have to leave this place soon. Nothing is holding me back now. The roads, my condo, Clive. I can make every excuse in the world, but what matters is that Shadow’s and my time has come to an end.
This is goodbye, and I want to make it count. I try to ignore the sting of tears that burn through my nose and behind my eyes. This is stupid. I’m still here, and this is a fling. Fun, right? This is what people my age do. We meet people, we connect. Story over. Chapter complete.
I’ve never been a casual person, but what future is there for me and a man like Shadow? I fumble with the zipper on his pants.
“Will you tell me about your tattoos?” I ask, my lips just inches from his. “I want to know all your stories.”
If he’s feeling anything about my question, he doesn’t reveal it.
“One last game?” he asks. “I don’t have any whiskey.”
