He flicks a look at Shadow, one of his dark brows lowering. He grunts, then looks at my hand and takes it. He shakes it once, then claps me on the shoulder. He looks into my eyes but doesn’t say anything else. Then he turns away from me, putting an arm over Stella’s shoulder.
“I’m going to make a real pain of myself and interrupt you to give Stella a hug goodbye.” I tap her on the shoulder, and she turns away from Phantom.
“Wait, you’re going?” Stella opens her arms and gives me a tight, fast hug. “Girl, you were just getting started.” She tosses a look at Shadow, but he just looks away. “Come back anytime to party. I’ll have a drink waiting.”
I smile and wave as a few more of the bikers and women wave back.
Then I feel it.
Shadow’s hand against my lower back. I lean into it instinctively and can’t help but wonder how many times after today I’ll miss the feeling of his hand right there.
I shove the thought away.
I’m sure he’s done this walk of shame with so many women before me. And he won’t give me another thought once I’m out of his hair.
We leave the compound by the back door, the same one I came in just two days ago. It feels like a lifetime, somehow.
I scan the parking lot and see all the cars are unscathed. Windows aren’t broken, but there is a ton of plant debris—branches, leaves, even small shrubs that seem to have been completely uprooted and blown about—all over the lot. There is so much trash—water bottles, papers, food wrappers, even used clothes. It looks like someone dumped over a public trash bin and soaked everything in the ocean. It’s distressing, and I hesitate for a moment. Maybe Shadow was right. Maybe the roads won’t be drivable. As far as I know, my condo isn’t ready yet, and who knows if it’s suffered any storm damage.
We walk toward my car, and I unlock it with the fob. The sun is out now, but it’s not really sunny. It’s just bright and stiflingly hot.
After tossing the overnight bag in the back, I squint up at him. I can’t make out his expression, and I lower my eyes. I have to go. There’s nothing left to say.
“Violet.” His low voice at my ear has me turning back. “My bedroom door is always open for you.”
I flush hot and try to think of something to say to that. Thank you? Goodbye? But I have no words. The last two days have been life-changing.
“If you can’t get where you’re going, come back. The road crews will be working to clean up for a couple of days, but it might be bad out there.”
I hear his words, but I can’t stay. I don’t know what it would mean for my heart, my body, my future if I did. I have to leave now or I know I won’t go at all. I’ll stay here and do what? This isn’t real life. This is a bump in the road. A pit stop. In a few hours, Shadow will have another girl in his lap.
I yank open the car door, refusing to meet his beautiful green eyes. I can’t say anything. I feel like half my body is still back in that bedroom with him. I don’t do one-night stands. I don’t do casual. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to leave.
Suddenly, his hand is on my wrist, and he’s pulling me from the car. He angles my hips to his and lowers his face to mine. He kisses me, softly at first, but then he opens his mouth, and I feel every ounce of his hunger.
I don’t know what it means. I don’t know what to do with whatever he’s trying to show me, but I kiss him back. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I don’t belong here—no matter how much I wish I did.
I want to memorize his taste, and I swear the way that he’s kissing me, it’s as if he feels the same. He grips my behind, tugs me close, and feasts on my mouth for so long that I’m breathless and panting. He’s so hard, I half expect him to bend me over the hood of my car and take me right here, but he doesn’t. He pulls away, his eyes blazing hot.
“Johnny Butcher.” I whisper his real name. I don’t know why I said it. Don’t know why I felt like taking away the sexy nickname, the tattoos, the scary exterior, and just whispering his name. But that’s what I do as I lace my hands together behind his head.
“Violet James.” He says mine, lowering his forehead to mine.
I have to go.
I have to go.
I can’t do this.
I turn away fast, get in my car, and slam the door shut. My fingers are shaking as I turn the key in the ignition. I don’t want to leave. Don’t know how to say thank you, goodbye, and what? Thank you for showing me the time of my life? For showing me fun and sex and friendship and…
No.
I have to leave.
I’ll unpack this when I’m alone. When I can trust my heart won’t lead me down a path I’ll deeply regret.
So, I don’t say anything. I just drive.
