“Willow.” When he says my name, he sounds pained. “I suck at running my business. My books are a mess. The only thing that stops me from getting the utilities shut off is the friends I have who work for the city. They know I’ll pay when they remind me. I always do. But I just can’t even get ahead of the thousand things there are to do.”
He tugs on the ends of his hair and paces long strides through the empty kitchen. “I want to be as good as I am at food with everything, but I’m not. I can’t be. I fucking suck at everything that is not food.” His voice rises, and he sounds like he’s unburdening himself as he vents. He points at me. “That community development grant? The one Mags is pissed at me about? I desperately need the money. No lie. I don’t have the cash for a new roof. And if that roof makes it through the winter, it’ll be a fucking miracle. If it doesn’t, then what? Health inspector shuts me down?”
As I watch him pace in increasingly frantic circles through the massive kitchen, my heart catches in my chest. I have heard this same complaint time after time, year after year. People who love the passion of the work but not the drudgery of it. I get it. I understand it. All that other stuff is actually stuff I’m great at. My entire career has been filled with chefs like Benny.
What my entire career hasn’t been filled with is men like him. Men who make my heart tighten in my chest with a look. Men who would bring me home to their parents, walk in on those parents having sex, and stick around for coffee and conversation. Men who make kale ravioli so delicious, I knew from the first bite I would never taste anything like it and I would never tire of it.
Benny leans back against the counter, dropping his shoulders in defeat. “I’m in so deep, Willow. Not debt, thank God. I don’t overspend, but I’m right there, right on the edge. I make enough to cover my people, my rent, and my costs. But extras? What restaurant owner has the time to take off to spend with their families, friends? I don’t have that kind of flexibility, let alone the money to go on vacation, take a real break. But I’m missing out. Life is passing me by. I know I’m only thirty-one, but when I thought for real my pops could be sick…” He rubs his eyes hard, like he’s holding back tears. “I haven’t spent enough time with him. I don’t want to lose my family even though I’m right fucking here. And I don’t want to lose my restaurant.”
I join him, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my face against his warm chest. The heat of him radiates through his flannel shirt and puffer coat, and I breathe it in. He’s talented—more so than me, I’m sure of that. I was never a great cook. I just loved doing it. That’s why I found my place around food and not in a kitchen of my own.
None of this should ever work, but a small part of me sparks with an idea. But first, I need to tell him the truth.
“I went to Cleveland yesterday to meet with a roofing contractor,” I say, my voice low, my cheek pressed to his chest. “I wanted to see if I could use any of my connections to negotiate a lower price on a roof for you.”
Benny puts his hands on my shoulders and moves me away from him, not in a rough way, but so he can look into my eyes. “You did what? Why? Why would you do that?”
I give him a small smile. “Because I knew you weren’t going to apply for the grant, and I know you need the roof.” I shrug. “I didn’t get very far. I was able to get one of the contractors working here to pull the last permit on the roof you have now.” I sigh, because what I have to tell him, I’m sure he already knows. “Your landlord kind of screwed you. The roof that you’re supposed to replace should have been replaced eight years ago. When you signed your lease, he probably knew you’d need to replace the roof before the lease was up.”
Benny’s mouth drops open. “I had a lawyer look it over,” he says. “I even had an inspection…”
I nod. “I’m sure it’s all aboveboard. There’s a lot of wiggle room in this stuff. A couple of warm winters and maybe that roof would last five years longer than expected. But with the last couple of years you’ve had here in Ohio…”
I press my hips to his and cup his face in my hands. “The contractor I met with yesterday is booked solid through July. He said with how bad the last few winters have been, he can give you a discount and get you on the schedule, but if anything happens this winter, you’ll be looking at a patchwork job. Maybe closing the restaurant until it’s up to code. Hard to say, but with how wet the fall has been, he didn’t want to commit to getting a job that big done as a rush. And definitely not cheap.”
I lean forward and place a light kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry. I tried.”
Benny’s eyes darken, and he lowers his brows. “You did that for me?”
I nod. “Well, I didn’t do much but look into the options. I didn’t solve anything.”
Benny then takes my face in his hands and strokes my lower lip with his thumb. “You went out of your way to help me. You got your contacts involved. You put yourself out there for me.”
I lower my chin so I can kiss his thumb lightly. “It’s what all of us who care about you would do,” I tell him. “Mags, me, Jasmine, Sassy, Rita, your parents. You’re surrounded by a lot of love, Benny. Sometimes it might just be hard to see it for what it is.”
He smirks that sexy, confident smile that sends my heart into my stomach, and heat floods through my body. “You think Mags and Rita love me? I mean, I know I’m the sexiest single man in Star Falls, but…” He strokes my cheek. “I have the only woman I want.”
I look up into his face. “I don’t know what to say, Benny,” I whisper. “I love spending time with you, but I’m a short-timer. I’m leaving soon. And I’m more than ten years older than you. You really think this could work out? I mean, like, long-term? What about kids? You mean you don’t want to give your parents more little Bianchis to look after?”
I feel tears burning the backs of my eyes now. I don’t regret any of my decisions. I never wanted kids. Not after the childhood I had. And I never believed I could want a man who wanted anything different from what I wanted.
But now, I don’t know.
Maybe I could want the man. I just don’t know where that leaves the things that he might want.
“Willow, family is about so much more than kids.” He holds my face so our eyes meet. “Don’t get me wrong. If the right woman came along and she wanted a ton of babies, that’d bea decision that we’d make together. Time, money, all that shit would go into it. But if the right woman came along and kids were not on the table, you think I’d throw away the woman I love for something I don’t even know if I want?”
I back away. Whoa. Love. Love… He said it, and it’s far too soon for that.
“Slow down,” he says, stepping close to me. “You look like I probably did when I saw my dad’s dick.”
I am trying to relax. Trying to let my brain work this out.
He leans down and kisses me on the lips, a light, sweet kiss. “Baby, I’ve known you were special since the moment I met you. I am falling in love with you.”
“Benny, it’s been…”
“I know,” he says. “But tell me something. How did you feel when you ate my ravioli?”
