I give Pops a hug and am about to make a joke, when it hits me. My father’s okay. He isn’t hiding a health scare. He’s not sick. He’s doing pretty fucking great, actually. The reality fills my chest with relief, and I hold him for a long time. “I’m so grateful you’re all right, Pops,” I say, my voice low. “I just wish I didn’t learn you were okay by seeing your dick out.”
I pound Pops on the back, and he laughs again, seemingly unfazed by how scarred I am. He puts a hand on my shoulder and meets my eyes. “I will never leave my bedroom naked and aroused again, son.”
“Oh my God, Pops.” Gracie fake-retches again, and now I know Pops is enjoying this.
Ma brings Willow into a three-way hug, balancing Ethan on one hip and squeezing her tight. “You come back Sunday fordinner,” she tells Willow. “Even if Benny is working and can’t be here. Our home is always open to you. And if you don’t have plans for Thanksgiving, you’re invited. And Christmas. We don’t usually do a big meal for New Year’s Eve because the kids like to go out or do their own thing, but you are always welcome.”
I swoop in and tug on Willow’s hand. “Let’s say goodbye to Pops before Ma gives you a house key and invites you to little Ethan’s high school graduation in about sixteen years.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” Ma asks.
My pops gives Willow a quick hug, and I hear him apologize again. Whatever he says has her flushing with real laughter.
“I won’t, I promise,” she says.
We walk hand in hand toward the front door, put on our shoes, and then stop because Gracie meets us at the door.
“Bye, asshole,” she says, giving me a “what the fuck are you doing” voice. “What am I? Chopped liver? No goodbye for your sister?”
I kiss my sister’s cheek, and Willow gives Gracie another hug. As we’re walking out the door, I call behind me, “Ma, Pops, make sure y’all are careful. We don’t need any more siblings.”
Willow and I run to my car as they assault us with laughs and the sounds of Grace’s fake retching.
16
WILLOW
“Soooo,”I say as Benny navigates the SUV away from the curb. “Your parents seem nice.”
Benny looks at me and then widens his eyes. He’s got both hands gripping the wheel, and I can tell he’s seriously shaken by what we just saw. “Lemme tell you,” he says. “They are the best people ever. But that…” He clears his throat. “That was way too much for a first meeting.”
Way too much.
A first meeting.
It was a lot, but Benny’s parents are everything I would have expected. And more than anyone could ever ask for. Warm, loving, and welcoming. I felt immediately at home in their house, and worse, I didn’t want to leave.
“If this is what your parents pull out on a first meeting, I’m not sure I can handle Thanksgiving and Christmas,” I tell him, something low in my belly gnawing at me. A part of me desperately wishes I’d still be here for either of those holidays. Was there a part of me that had already picked out the corner of the condo right near the windows where I’d set up a tree?
I feel like the last two months have been a fever dream of sex and pretty lies. But I’m sure now that the pretty lies had nothingto do with Benny and everything to do with me. How I feel about never staying in one place for very long. How I feel about fresh starts and new adventures. How can I love something so much and grow tired of it at the same time?
I try to add a smile after my words because the truth is unfolding inside my heart faster than I can stop it, and I feel like I might cry. As we pull away from his parents’ house, I’m really conflicted about leaving.
“Where to now?” I ask, trying to sound bright. If Benny has to work this afternoon, we only have a couple more hours together. I want to enjoy every last minute.
“You’ll see.” He tightens his fingers through mine but doesn’t meet my eyes. He stares straight ahead at the road as he tells me about his family.
By the time I realize where we are, Benny has run through his entire family tree. He pulls the SUV to a stop in an empty parking lot and cocks his chin at me.
“I must have the wrong place,” he says, sounding confused.
My heart swells to nearly bursting, and the words lodge in my throat. “No,” I say. “This is it. The future home of Pancake Circus. How did you find it?”
Benny shifts in his seat and faces me. “It’s important to you,” he says quietly. “And even if I hated the idea at first, I want to be supportive. This is what you do. Why you’re here.”
He’s quiet then, as if he’s thinking what I’m thinking. It’s why I’m only here for a short time.
“Looks pretty quiet. I expected contractors and construction and shit.”
