He sighs heavily. “It wouldn’t be a big deal if it wasn’t just one of many efforts on your part to exclude us from your life.”
“Exclude you?” I draw my brows together with surprise.
“You’re full of secrets and evasions, and frankly, I’ve had it. Your mom and I want to know what’s going on with you.”
I laugh bitterly. “I learned secrets and evasions from the best, Dad.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
Another sigh. “Since when do you disrespect me this way?”
“Since I figured out that I don’thaveto accept whatever scraps you’re willing to throw me.”
“Scraps?” His offended tone makes me roll my eyes. “I’ve always done my best by you, Kennedy. You know that.”
“No, actually, I don’t. I know that I grew up feeling ashamed of who I was. Worried that someone would find out the truth and it would hurt you.”
“It would have hurt a lot of people,” he says wearily.
“Yes, it would have. But all because ofyourbad choices.”
“What’s the point of doing this now? I have four children, and I love all of you equally. I’ve been calling because I’m concerned about you. Why throw things in my face this way?”
A lump burns in my throat, and I swallow it. “I’ve never gotten to say anything to you that you wouldn’t like. Do you get that? Do you get what that feels like? No angsty teenage drama or complaints about you not being there for holidays? I wasn’t allowed to tell you how I really felt. I had to keep it all inside, smile and take what little time I could get from you. Oh, and I either had to either hide in my house with you or pretend you weren’t really my dad if we were spending time together.”
“I’ve never been ashamed of you.”
“But youwere,” I say, my voice breaking. “You were ashamed of all of us. You never would have owned up to the truth if you hadn’t gotten busted.”
There’s a long pause before he says, “I might not have. I don’t know. I never claimed to be a perfect man, Kennedy.”
“There is a huge difference betweenperfectand what you’ve done. You never truly loved Mom or Reagan and Abby’s mom because if you did, you couldn’t have done that to them. You would have done anything to protect someone you loved, not cheat and live a lie that lasted decades.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry you’ve been holding this in for so long.”
My shoulders drop as I exhale and lean back against the bench. “I didn’t mean to jump on you so hard, it’s just…you accusing me of being secretive hit a nerve, I guess.”
“I can understand that.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you about everything being fine, Dad. I’m a twenty-something living in New York City, and calling my parents isn’t at the top of my mind.”
“Do you like it there?”
“I do. I love it.”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
I smile as I picture Nix in bed, his hair rumpled and his eyes alight with mischief. And by mischief, I mean a desire to fuck me in some creative and mind-blowing position he hasn’t tried yet.
“I kind of am,” I say.
“That’s great. And Kennedy, your mom and I want you to know that we support you no matter what. Whoever he—or she—is, we just want you to be happy.”
“She? What are you talking about, Dad?”
“I just mean that if you’re gay—”
