“You’re right.” I look down at her. “She is fun.”
“She and I can play dress-up and eat cupcakes.”
There’s the food. There’s always food on her mind. I’d love for Tilly to be here, playing with the kids. They need a woman’s touch and love. No matter how hard I try, I can’t be all things at once. I’ve tried to be the mother and the father, but it’s nearly impossible.
I don’t think my kids are lacking in love. My parents and siblings shower them with so much affection, they never wonder if they’re loved.
“Do you think we can have cupcakes for breakfast when Tilly sleeps over?”
“Cupcakes are dessert.”
“Cupcakes can be anything we want,” she tells me like she’s the one in charge.
“We’ll talk about it when she’s here.”
She nods. “I really like Tilly, Daddy. Grandma likes her too.”
“Oh yeah?” I raise an eyebrow.
Tate’s probably heard more than she should have hanging around with my mother—and especially from Daphne.
“Grandma said she’s good for you.”
Good isn’t even the right word to describe everything Tilly is to me. She is better than good. She makes me want to be my best self. She’s reminded me that I still have the ability to love. I thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life, never meeting anyone who understood my pain until Tilly came into my life.
“She is, Tate.”
“She reminds me of Mommy. She’s always happy,” Tate tells me.
Marissa was never without a smile on her face. She would light up a room. All eyes would be on her, trying to soak up her goodness. Tate has the same gift, and every day I see so much of Marissa in her. It comforts me to know I have a piece of her with me always.
“I’m happy too.”
Tate laughs. “No, you’re not.” She twists her hands in her lap and glances down. “You are now, but you haven’t been.”
I feel like a shit father, but I’m not the type of guy that can hide my feelings. I tried my best around the kids. Did everything I could to shelter them from my rage and hurt, but clearly, I wasn’t as good at it as I thought I was.
I lift her chin, needing to see her cute little face. “I’m sorry, Tate.”
There’s been so much guilt since Marissa died. The sadness is always there, but the guilt sometimes can be suffocating. I know I could’ve done better. I should’ve been able to focus more on the kids and not on my sadness, but it took me a long time to get past the anger and hurt. Longer than I had expected or wanted.
“I love you, Daddy.” She smiles.
There’s nothing better than hearing those words.
“I love you too, baby.”
She wiggles free of my hold and slides down my leg. “So, how about we play princesses?”
I growl softly. I’d rather stick needles in my fingertips than play princesses, but I can’t break my kid’s heart. She’s playing me like a fiddle, knowing she has me right where she wants me.
“Sure,” I say. Who can say no to that face? I thought it would be easier to put my foot down the older she got, but I’ve failed miserably.
She’s my weak spot.
“Really?” Her mouth hangs open. “You can be Cinderella.”
My head jerks back. “What if I want to be Belle?” I tease.
