Tilly reaches into her pocket and places an envelope on the table. “Roger gave this to me yesterday,” she says, pushing it next to our hands.
I stare down at the ivory paper, noticing the ink smeared from tears. “Do you want me to read it?”
“I want to share it with you. Although the words are meant for me, I think they’ll do you just as much good as they do me.”
I touch the paper, running my fingers over her name. “Are you sure?”
She nods. “I’m going to prep a few things before we get started. Finish your coffee and read it.”
“You don’t want to stay with me?”
She shakes her head. “I can’t. You’ll understand why when you read it.”
I give her a small smile before releasing her hand as she stands. “I won’t be long.”
She glances at me over her shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving me alone. I stare at the envelope as I drink my coffee, wondering if his words were meant to be shared. It feels almost sacrilegious for me to read his private thoughts and last words meant only for his wife.
I slowly unfold the letter and start to read.
My dearest Tilly,
There’s not a moment in the eternal blackness that I’m not thinking of you. I never meant to leave you so soon, I planned to spend my life loving you and sheltering you from pain.
Roger was instructed to give this letter to you after you finally took a step forward, going on your first date. While a part of me hopes you waited at least a few years, I pray you didn’t wait too long.
There’s nothing more important to me than your happiness. You are a creature that was never meant to be alone. You’re strong, Tilly. A constant source of strength for me since the day I laid eyes on you. I need you to find that strength to move on, to go forward, and find your piece of happiness again.
I can never be fully at rest knowing you’re alone. I’ve never loved someone as much as I loved you and never will again. But you’re alive, Til. Don’t forget that. Don’t let your soul die along with my body. Let your heart experience joy and love again. Let yourself be free.
Move on knowing I’m with you, watching over you, and doing everything in my power for you to find that happiness. Don’t think of a new relationship as throwing away a piece of us or cheating on the memory of our love.
I hope the man who has the good fortune to make you feel again is worthy and kind. Move forward without guilt or remorse. Live and love for me…for us.
There’s no greater joy than love. Follow your dreams and your heart. Love fiercely. Don’t be afraid when faced with the prospect of happiness again.
To honor my memory, to honor our vows, love again and live for me. Live for what we could’ve had and carry a piece of me with you, but don’t let it take away the lifetime of happiness you deserve.
Find someone who will treat you as I did. Who will love you harder and deeper than me. Go forward without guilt, knowing I’m smiling down on you, finally able to have peace wherever I am.
I will always be yours, but you are no longer just mine to have. I love you more than you’ll ever understand.
Move forward, baby.
Love again and never look back.
Eternally Yours,
Mitchell
15
Tilly
Strong arms wrap around me from behind as I stand at the prep table in the kitchen. He doesn’t speak as he holds me and burrows his face in my neck. I close my eyes, missing the comfort of being in someone’s arms without having to say a word.
He links his fingers near my stomach as his warm breath skids across my neck. “I’m sorry, Tilly,” he whispers as he tightens his hold, pressing his front flush against my back. “I can’t take your hurt away. I can’t bring him back. The only thing I can do is be here for you, knowing everything you’re feeling.”
Emotion bubbles up inside me as tears start to form in my eyes. “Do you feel lucky to have been able to say goodbye?”
