I wipe the tears away from her cheeks and cradle her face. “No one can fill your shoes. No one. I can never love another soul the way I love you.”
“Promise me,” she begs again, breaking my heart into a million little pieces. “I need peace.”
“I promise, Marissa.”
I’m an asshole for lying to my wife on her deathbed, but how can she possibly think I’ll ever love again?
Marissa exhales like the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders, and she buries her face in my chest, like she does every night before she falls asleep. I hold her tighter, careful not to hurt her, silently begging for a last-minute miracle.
“I love you,” I whisper over and over again, unable to stop myself. I rock her gently in my arms, inhaling the scent and softness of her skin. I’m memorizing every inch of her body, every smell that surrounds her, and soaking it all in for the moments I know I won’t be able to.
Her body goes still, and I don’t hear her breathing. My heart stops, and I hold my own breath, listening for any sign my wife is still with me.
She lets out a long, shaky exhale.
“Marissa.” I release my hold on her back so I can see her beautiful face. “Baby.”
Her eyes are glassy. She’s barely breathing and not moving. She’s staring in my direction, but it’s as if she’s looking right through me instead of at me.
“Marissa,” I say a little louder than before as panic sets in. She doesn’t even blink. “I love you,” I tell her again.
I resist the urge to scream, knowing the end is closer than it’s ever been before. I take another moment to stare into her beautiful blue eyes, praying she can see me and hoping I’m giving her comfort.
“You’re my everything.”
I want to tell her not to go, but it’s selfish. Her body’s shutting down, and she’s ready to leave the pain behind, even if I’m not.
I never will be.
I place my lips against her forehead, humming the song that played at our wedding. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane as I finally come to grips with the fact that my wife isn’t going to get better.
She’s leaving me.
Her breathing changes again as her body struggles to live and is fighting an unwinnable battle. There’s a rattle deep in her chest as her lungs fill with air, and she barely exhales. Her breathing is violent and scarier than I’d ever imagined.
“Baby, you can go. I promise to always love you and make you proud. I’ll watch over our babies and take care of them.” I barely manage to get the words out without losing control.
The world’s spinning, crashing down around me in the most horrific way.
“I love you,” I whisper again because I can’t say it enough.
When she takes her last breath, a piece of my heart dies too.
1
Angelo
“You need to go out, Daddy.” Tate climbs into my lap, blocking my view of the football game. She places her tiny hands on my cheeks, forcing me to look at her and talk about something I've been dancing around for far too long. “Are you listening to me?”
She’s so much like Marissa—so full of life with a side of sass, and her bossiness is off the charts too. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was twice her age. She grew up way too fast because of Marissa’s death, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shelter her from the pain.
I glance down and give her my full attention. “I’m listening, baby girl.”
She tilts her head like she’s about to lay shit out for me. “Brax needs a mommy.”
My head jerks back at the straightforwardness of her comment. “He has one,” I tell her, sweeping her hair behind her ear, wishing I never had to have this conversation with her.
“She’s not here anymore, Daddy. Brax needs one, and so do I.”
