Kayden: Yes, whoosh… It hit me as soon as I opened the mailbox. I’m almost speechless. No one’s ever been so thoughtful.
Me: No one’s ever sent you a card?
Kayden: Birthday cards, but not one just to make me smile… It’s all a double-edged sword.
He’d never had anyone treat him with as much thought and love as he always gave to them. I wanted to be different. I loved him. Everything about the relationship was a double-edged sword. I loved Kayden and wanted to be with him always, but the distance and our jobs wouldn’t allow it.
Me: I know, love. I just wanted to make you smile.
Kayden: You did, incredibly large.
Me: It’s a good day for you to get it. I know you had a shitty day at work.
Kayden: I love you so much.
My body grew warm and tingly. I could never get sick of seeing or hearing those words from Kayden.
Me: I love you, too. I want to make you smile every day. You work hard, and we are so far away. There will be more, mostly silly stuff. Now, stop smelling me. Get your shit done, so I can see you on Skype… I’ve waited all day.
Kayden: I’m going to put the Kleenex in my pillowcase. I want to smell you as I drift off to sleep.
I made sure to send as many packages and cards as possible. I wanted him to know that I was always thinking of him. I wanted him to know that he was loved and thought about…even if I couldn’t be with him. he was always with me in my heart.
20
Kayden
Sophia brought somuch joy into my life in such a short amount of time. I didn’t want to do anything to lose her. I always seemed to find a way to fuck things up. There was still so much I needed to share with her, things she didn’t know about my past. They were important details that made me into the person I was today. I had to find the right time to share everything with her, but would there ever be a perfect time?
She sent cards and packages a couple times a week. They gave me something to look forward to after a grueling workday. I filled my pillowcase with the Kleenex she sent me. I wanted to wrap myself in all things Sophia.
There were things I’d already shared with her that I regret. I never would have told her about the women I’ve fucked, the manner in which I handled those relationships, mostly my callousness when it came to love after having my heart broken so many times. I’d never thought we would meet, let alone fall in love with each other. She didn’t seem to hold any of it against me. I was thankful she was so forgiving
She made me want to be a better man. I wanted her to be proud of me. I would be the man she deserved and always wanted. She was the most unique woman I have ever known. She had a knack for always making me laugh. Even on hard days, she found ways to make me laugh.
Me: Hey, beautiful. Can you send me a picture of the two of us?
Sophia: Sure, give me a second to find one on my phone.
Me: Thanks, baby doll. I want something to remind me of our time together. I have plenty of pictures of just you, but I want some of us.
She sent one from our first evening together, sitting on the steps of a building on Bourbon Street. We both wore goofy grins and had drinks in our hands. A smile crept across my lips remembering that evening.
Sophia: Here’s one of us in the French Quarter.
Me: We have to take more next time we’re together.
Sophia: Yes, I don’t have a ton. We always get wrapped up in other things. We’ll definitely take more next time.
Me: I need one to put on my nightstand.
Sophia: Just remind me, please. Time seems to go so fast.
The photo popped up on my screen. The glow of the streetlights bounced off my shiny head.
Me: Wow! My head is shiny in that picture.
Sophia: I love how smooth it is, and I love running my fingertips across it. It’s why I have to wear my sunglasses all the time when I’m with you… The glare kills my eyes.
