“Ky, hold up!”
I could hear the thud of his footsteps behind me. Each step matched the quick rhythm of my heart as it slammed against my chest. He caught my arm near the little rope fence that separated the amphitheater from the back parking lot.
“Get off me,” I screamed, jerking away so hard one of the gold hoops I’d borrowed from Mrs. Amanda flew out of my ears.
He let go immediately, lifting his hands like he was surrendering. Under the glow of the security light, I could see his face clearly—brown skin, tight jaw, his breath visible in the air. The dark green hoodie he had on looked familiar. It was the same one I stole whenever he left it at Mrs. Amanda’s house.
“Kyleigh, please just listen,” he said.
I laughed. It didn’t sound amused at all. “Listen? You want me to listen? Everybody else just listened. The whole fucking town just listened!”
“That was an accident. They left the God mic on. Mr. Floyd already cussing somebody out. I’m sorry you had to hear that at all, but I swear?—”
“Just tell me,” I demanded.
He frowned. “Tell you what?”
“Deon! In the cafeteria that day, you walked up to me because he asked you to get me away from Taniyah so he could talk to her. That’s what Shayla said. That’s what he told them. Is that true?”
He closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, the guilt there was answer enough. At least he didn’t lie. What did Mrs. Amanda always say?Thank God for small blessings.
“It’s not like that—” he hedged.
“Yes. Or. No?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“Ky—”
“Yes. Or. Fucking. No, Jabali?”
He sighed. “That’s how it started. I’m not gon’ sit here and pretend I came over there that day thinking we was gon’ end up like this. He did ask me to?—”
“So, I was an assignment. Homework,” I said, my voice shaking.
“No,” he said quickly, stepping closer. “No. Stop that shit. That’s not what it was. That’s just how I ended up at your table. That’s all. After that, it was me. I sat there because I wanted to. I kept coming back because I wanted to. I kept texting you, calling you, sitting on your grandma’s porch because I wanted to. Deon ain’t have nothing to do with how I feel about you. That’s all me, Kyleigh!”
“How you feel about me? You mean how youpretendedto feel?” I argued.
“I mean how I feel. Right now. Today. I love you, Kyleigh. I know we young and that sound crazy, but I do. I been trying to figure out how to say it because I don’t want to scare you off. I know you worry about people sticking around, and I?—”
“Do not,” I whispered, my throat almost closing. “Don’t you say that shit to me right now!”
His eyes tangled with mine. “Why not? Because some nobody mean girls said something in a mic they wasn’t supposed to be touching? Kyleigh, you know me. You know my heart. They don’t know nothing about us. They not there when you fall asleep on the phone with me. They not there when you tell me about your parents and Houston and how you feel like you don’t fit anywhere. They not there when?—”
He stopped, and I picked it right up.
“When what? When you fucked me? Is that when you realized your ‘assignment’ turned into a real thing? Or was that just you doing extra credit?” I hissed.
He sucked in a breath like I had hit him.
“If all I wanted was to fuck, I coulda got that from anybody. I waited until you were ready, and I woulda been there if you were never ready. I checked on you after. I took that serious. I took youserious,” he said hoarsely.
“But you didn’t tell me. You knew. This whole time. You knew why you sat down that day, and you let me walk around here thinking you just… saw me. Out of nowhere. Like some story in a book. You let me believe that” I said. The cold air blurred with heat as tears finally spilled over.
“I was gon’ tell you. I swear, Ky. I was gon’ tell you. I just… every time I tried, it never felt like the right moment. And after Thanksgiving, the idea of you looking at me like this? Like I’m some kind of user? I couldn’t stand it. So, I kept putting it off. I know that’s on me. I know I messed up. But I’m telling you now.And I’m telling you, things changed.Ichanged. You not some assignment,” he said, voice cracking.
I wrapped my arms around myself so I wouldn’t reach for him. I had to focus on my other senses. The view of the packed parking lot. The smell of pine needles. The muffled sounds of the crowd. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I realized the play was supposed to start in a few minutes. Somewhere, Taniyah was probably looking for me.
“You ever been embarrassed before?” I asked quietly.
