Her mouth twisted and she pulled the googles and cap off, freeing her hair. “I need for people to stop thanking me for doing what is right for my child.”
“Can you blame them?” Her father countered, his voice sharp.
She sighed. “No, you’re right, I don’t. I just wish they would think better of me.”
“Your past actions still proceed you.”
“Yes, I know and probably for a long time, but Dad, I really have changed.” She shifted on the lounger, and it creaked under her weight.
“I hope so for your sake and for Kaitlyn’s.” His dark brown gaze was stern.
“What about you?” She lifted her hand to touch him, but lowered it back, uncertain of how he would react to her touch.
“I don’t know. You were a horrible kid after your mother passed away.” He faced away, looking at the water in the pool.
“I blamed myself at first because I couldn’t reach you after your mother died. Nothing I did could make it any better for you that you lost your mother and best friend. I did try but you shut me out and then you changed. I didn’t recognize my little girl anymore.” He sound hurt and bewildered.
She sat there and listened, understanding that she needed to let her father express his pain and disillusion with her. After all, she was valid in her grief, but there was no excuse to offerhim to make this all better. He was right, she fell apart after losing her mother to breast cancer.
The ravages of her illness destroying her body until she was nothing but a shell from all the treatments and surgeries she had. Seeing her in her coffin and seeing a skeleton instead of her mom stayed with her. Sierra hadn’t known where to put all that pain and loss and anger, lashing out at others, preying on her father’s love for her to get away with whatever she wanted. She took her first taste of alcohol at thirteen, recalling the pain on his face when he’d smelt just the sip she’d taken on her breath.
“I thought the hardest part in my life was seeing you get out of control. I’d hoped with you being married and having a child, it would give you whatever it was you were missing, but even that you threw away.”
He turned with a pained expression on his features. “Do you know that seeing you on the hospital bed fighting for your life reminded me of your mother? It terrified me that not only did I lose the love of my life but our child too. And worse, you almost took Kaitlyn’s life with you. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be around to watch you someday end up on a slab somewhere and I chose to walk away.”
She sat there as guilt weighed on her shoulders for what she’d done to her father. “It’s okay, Dad, I understand.” She whispered.
“No, I don’t think you do!” He shouted. “A parent should not have to walk away from a child he loves in order for him to be okay, in order for him not to have to grieve her again driving a car drunk and this time not being able to walk away again.” It was like a dam burst and her father began to cry. Letting her see what she’d done to him.
“I am so sorry, Dad.” Tears coursed down her face at the enormity of his words; hearing his anguish was like a dagger to her heart. She remembered him always being a strong man, who never cried in front of her like he was doing now. She had been so blind and selfish and wallowing in her own pain that she didn’t see her father had needed her too. “I am so sorry,” she repeated, crying harder; she reached out for his hand, but he pulled away. Then he grabbed a hold of her, holding her tight in his embrace.
“Don’t you dare put me through this again. Promise me,” He demanded, his strained voice booming across the pool area.
“I’m not going to promise you, Dad.” He stiffened and began to pull away, but she held on. “I am going to show you.”
Before he could counter or engage with her statement, a child’s voice announced itself. “Grandpa, don’t be mad at Mommy, you are making her cry. She is here to make amends.”
Sierra loosened her grip so her father could pull away, and she let out a laugh. They turned to see Kaitlyn standing there, worry etched into her innocent face.
“It’s okay, love. Grandpa and I were just having a discussion. And you are right, I am here to make amends and that includes Grandpa too.”
“Is that why he is crying?” She walked up to the Senator’s lap and placed her tiny hand on his leg.
“Yes.”
“It will be okay, Grandpa, don’t cry, okay?” Gently, she set down a teddy bear onto his lap. “Here, Grandpa, you can hold him until you feel all better like he helps me.”
Sierra watched her father look down at his granddaughter with love and affection, comforted by his hands picking up thetiny stuffie and holding it to his chest. She remembered when he used to look at her that way and knew she still had a lot of making up to do.
“Come, Grandpa. Marissa is in the kitchen making grilled cheese sandwiches.” Kaitlyn pulled on his sleeve until he shifted the teddy bear to one hand and offered his granddaughter the other one.
As they stood up, Sierra placed her hand on her father’s arm. “Can you stay for lunch? I will get dressed and we can talk some more.” He nodded and left with Kaitlyn, while Sierra went back to change into her worn-out favorite pair of sweats. His eyebrows rose when he saw her, but he didn’t say anything.
Their lunch was together was relaxing. Afterward, Kaitlyn went to her playroom and Marissa went upstairs to tidy up, so they had a chance to talk more over coffee.
“So, my mother had a lover named Pat.” Her father’s eyebrows rose, and a look of surprise and humor graced his features.
She smiled in turn and then told him about Pat, how she’d met her grandmother, but also how she’d saved Sierra when she wanted to give up. It had been a rough transition, but Pat provided both stability and someone who refused to allow Sierra’s manipulations to work anymore. Pat had made a promise to her lover that she would help Sierra and would be damned if Sierra wouldn’t let her fulfill it.
