Shit.Sierra was in her toy room.
“I have to go.” He hung up on Colin and ran to his door, turning to head to the spare bedroom, where he could hear his daughter crying in fear and his heart stopped for a second when he heard her scream “No, don’t touch me!”
Chapter 17
Sierra was suddenly pulled from a deep sleep. She felt like someone was watching her and she froze, her heart racing. She opened her eyes and gazed into a pair like her own. Kaitlyn took a step back away from the bed where she’d been observing her.
Her brown eyes were wide and her face pale, making the freckles on her face stand out even more. She had her father’s skin color but otherwise, Kaitlyn mirrored how Sierra looked as a child.
Slowly, Sierra pushed herself into a seated position, watching her daughter turn her back on her and walk to a nearby small table and chairs. She picked up her dolls and placed them in the chairs before she sat back down. Sierra just observed, soaking in that her daughter was now in front of her, and not just in a photo.
“You’re in my playroom.” Kaitlyn declared, picking up her teacup and the plastic teapot to pour herself some tea. Sierra pressed her lips together, noticing that Kaitlyn had angled herself to deliberately avoid looking at her. She knew it must be a lot for her, seeing her mom this way. Sierra understood she needed to go slow and be mindful of her approach.
“Yes, I know. I needed to take a nap too.”
“Why? Daddy and Marissa don’t take naps, and they said it is only meant for children.” Kaitlyn set the teacup near one of her dolls, pausing. “I don’t really believe that.” She scowled; Sierra smiled.
“My body doesn’t work like how it should and sometimes I get tired or don’t feel very well because I have to use a lot of effort and energy to get around for the day.” Sierra shifteda little, smoothing out the blankets on her legs. “Napping sometimes helps me to feel better and gives me more energy. Don’t you feel better after a nap?”
She nodded, patted the hair on one of her dolls. “Is it because of the accident you are this way?”
Sierra shifted on the bed, this time in emotional discomfort. Flashes of the accident tore through her mind; she shrunk back on the bed, from the hurt and pain she caused herself and Kaitlyn. She wanted to run and hide, but she couldn’t.
“Yes, it is because of the accident.” She admitted, her voice low.
“You were hurt bad, and so was I. But I was little when it happened, that’s what Daddy told me.”
Sierra moved closer to the edge. “Yes, I was hurt and so were you. Do you remember anything from the car accident?”
Swaying her little arms, Kaitlyn nodded, whispering, “You were mad at me and Daddy, and I got hurt in the car.” She took another toy cup off the table and poured the imaginary tea into it.
Sierra shook her head, even though Kaitlyn was looking away. “I was angry, and I took it out on you and Daddy.”
That’s when Kaitlyn turned and lifted her soulful brown eyes to hers. “Why?”
“Mom—” Sierra swallowed that word. “I was not in a good place and I didn’t treat people nicely. I took something that was bad for me and it made me worse.” Pausing because Kaitlyn only stared. “Do you understand what I am saying?”
Kaitlyn shrugged and went back to playing with her tea set.
Sierra’s heartbeat kicked up, but she tried to stay calm. “It wasn’t anything you did to make me angry. I—”
“Then why did you yell at me if I wasn’t being bad?”
She stood up, her legs shaking, and took a cautious step toward Kaitlyn. Her daughter tensed at her sudden movement, so Sierra froze in place.
“It wasn’t anything you did, sweetheart, it was all me. I was angry and hurt and selfish, and I was only thinking of myself. I took my anger out on you both.” Her muscles were shaking, but she dared not move. “Especially your father. I wanted him to hurt because I was hurting, and I should not have done that.”
Kaitlyn didn’t say anything, fiddling with one of the teacups. Sierra took a breath. “I should never had taken you with me that night to get back at your father; it had nothing to do with you. Even though saying sorry isn’t enough, I am so sorry for hurting you and your father.” Her eyes watered, tears blurring her daughter’s image.
“Is that why you are here, to say sorry?”
Sierra nodded, patting her eyes with her sleeve. “Yes, that is part of it but to also try and make amends to you and Daddy.”
She frowned, her tiny forehead scrunching in confusion. “What is amends?”
“Amends can be many things, but mostly you try and make it right with the person you hurt and show them how sorry you are.”
Kaitlyn nodded her head; she poked her tongue out at the side of her mouth, seemingly in thought. “Oh, kind of like when I took Cecilia’s crayon at Katie’s birthday party without asking and she cried. I felt bad.”
