“What? What are you talking about, Valeur?” But Sierra had a feeling she knew, and panic tied her stomach in knots.
“Sierra, your daughter Kaitlyn is very sick and has leukemia.”
“What!” Sierra felt suddenly unwell, and her head began to swim. She leaned her shoulder against the wall.
“I’m sorry. If I hadn’t extended my vacation, I could have brought you this news earlier.”
Sierra shook her head, even though Valeur couldn’t see the gesture. “Valeur, is she dying?” She whispered as if death could hear her. Her hand shook as she held the cell phone. She moved in a daze toward her bed, sitting on it as her legs became weak from the news.
“I’m not sure, Sierra.” Valeur’s voice felt far away, even with the phone pushed against her ear. “I’m not a doctor; the only other thing I can tell you is that she was admitted to the hospital and placed in treatment, according to my source.”
“Okay, okay, anything else?” Taking deep breaths, Sierra tried to steady her racing heart before she passed out.
“No, sweetheart, that is all I have so far. I will call my contact in the morning to see if they have further information.” Valeur paused again, the silence only broken by the howling wind. “You are going to have to reach out to your ex.”
Sierra’s stomach plummeted. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face him again. Learning to navigate her feelings for him was still too fresh; opening up those wounds could be disastrous. But her daughter was ill and she needed to try and be there for her.
Keeping one hand on the phone, Sierra walked over to her dresser, retrieving photos she had of her daughter from the top drawer. Most were from when she was a baby until she was three. There was one taken more recently, which showed up anonymously in the mail one day. She supposed she had Valeur to thank for it.
Her daughter looked so beautiful, her smile radiant and happy; one of her front teeth was missing and Kaitlyn had a cute gap from it being gone. Her brown eyes were alight with such joy and love that she knew her ex was the one in front of the camera. The bond between them from the first time he held her in his arms was undeniable.
Regret ate at her every day for taking this beautiful little girl for granted. She deserved to have a better mom, so she walked away, certain Jacob and his family would love and nurture her in the right way.
The alcohol had taken a hold of her and wouldn’t let her go. The last year leading up to the accident was a blur. She had begun drinking all day long and would fall into bed in a drunken stupor. Her memories of that year were fuzzy and the nanny that Jacob got to help spent more time taking care of Kaitlyn than she did.
It all came to a head when Jacob had to fly out of state and stay a couple of days, meeting yet another potential client. She’d been constantly calling him, feeling alone and abandoned;eventually he stopped picking up. The day he was due home; he left her a message that he had to stop first for another dinner meeting before coming home and not to wait up.
She’d been enraged at the thought that he was not coming straight home to her and when she finally got a hold of him, just to hear a woman’s voice laughing in the background—Sierra lost it.
Sierra then drunkenly dialed one of Jacob's female clients, thinking it was her she'd heard on the phone, and accused the woman of being in bed with her husband. The woman had hung up, and not long after, Jacob called; he was so angry he could barely speak at first.
They argued and he’d finally had enough, blasting her with his truth over the phone and that pushed her over the edge.
They argued and he’d finally had enough, blasting her with his truth over the phone and that pushed her over the edge.
She’d just hung up the phone and in her drunk stupor she decided to leave him again but this time for good. She wanted him to hurt like she did and took Kaitlyn, packing her in the car. Then she dismissed the nanny and let her go home for the night. She knew that the nanny would call Jacob in a panic, telling him what transpired. Good, she wanted him scared and worried about her and Kaitlyn. And now he was going to have to pay attention to her. But it had gone so horribly wrong.
Sierra stepped in front of the mirror, looking at the scars scoring her face. Mostly minor, tiny ones that she could hide with foundation, but the big one was displayed on her face as her punishment and a warning for her to not go down that path again.
Valeur said her name several times before Sierra muttered a sound of acknowledgment. “Sierra, I can book you ona flight leaving in the morning; you just have to get back to the city. Is there a boat leaving any time soon? And I will book you a hotel room near the hospital.”
“Which hospital is it?” Shoving her memories aside, Sierra opened more drawers, searching for clothes to pack.
“She is at St. Benedict’s in Boston; they have a very good pediatrics wing.” The distinct clack of a keys from a keyboard echoed through the phone. She hit the speaker button and threw the phone down on the bed. Shuffling to her closet, Sierra pulled out her luggage, placed it on the bed and threw it open; she stuffed in anything she could get her hands on. Her mind raced with what she needed to do and take with her.
“Valeur, let me call you back.” Sierra straightened up from her opened luggage. “I have to call the caretaker of our home to come and lock up the place until I get back and tell me when the next boat is coming today, if it hasn’t already. Not sure how long I will be gone, probably be sent right back on the next boat.” And in an instant, doubt and trepidation took over.
“No, don’t think like that. This not about him or you. She needs you.” Valeur said fiercely to her.
Sierra bit her lip, her shoulders slumping. “I would like to think that, but it’s been a year and a half since I’ve seen them. They look happy and you know what maybe I should just—”
“Don’t you dare!” Valeur’s voice cut through the phone; it was unlike her to sound so harsh. “It’s time you went and saw your daughter and try to make amends. Especially now. You owe her and yourself to at least try.”
Sierra nodded, her lips trembling as she said. “Yes, you are right.” A wet sensation splashed against an exposed part of her chest, where her t-shirt didn’t cover. She looked down, surprised but not surprised. Tears falling was a welcome releasefrom all she was feeling. However, if she didn’t keep moving, she knew she was going to excuse herself out of going. She wiped her face with her hand and cleared her throat.
“Thanks, Valeur.” She said gratefully.
“Okay, go make your calls and when you call back, I should have a list of hotels near the hospital ready for you.”
