Turning away from the mirror in Guilia’s bedroom, I hold my arms out to the sides and do a slow three-sixty.The beaded lace draped over the sleek, full-length ivory satin is heavy, but the beads and pearls sparkle and gleam in the brilliant sunshine flooding through the window.I got a sunny day for my wedding.At least one thing is going my way.
“Stunning,” Emilia assures me.“I only hope I look half as beautiful on my big day.”
“It’s a shame you guys couldn’t have a double wedding,” Guilia points out as she emerges from her bathroom after putting the final touches on her makeup.She’s so fresh, effortlessly pretty, and sweet.She’s loved by everyone who knows her.And Emilia somehow managed to make Luca fall so deeply in love that he was ready to burn the world down for her sake.What I wouldn’t give to know that kind of love.
“Everybody deserves their wedding to be only theirs,” Emilia replies, winking at me.I can smile at her kindness, but really, I wish a second wedding would take a little of the attention away from this farce.At least she and Luca arereallyin love.I’m left with the other brother—the Grinch.
I know what that feels like.On a day like today, I wish I didn’t.I can only imagine it would make everything a little less heartbreaking if I didn’t have genuine memories to look back on.To compare this to.
“You must be out of your mind if you think I would allow you to marry that nothing!That nobody!” My nostrils flare while Dad’s voice echoes in my memory.He was so cold, so cruel.He couldn’t have cared less that I had fallen in love, that he was breaking my heart and crushing my spirit.Four years, and the wound is just as fresh and painful today when I think ofwhat might have been.
Which is why I need to stop thinking about it.
“Do you want me to go down and get your mom?”Emilia asks, crossing the room in a long, lavender dress that floats around her legs when she moves.“In case she wants to take one more look at you before the ceremony?”
If she cared, she would be up here.“I’m sure she’s in the middle of a conversation with some important person or another,” I reply as lightly as I can, since it’s embarrassing enough that she can’t be bothered to help me get ready the way a loving mother is supposed to.Then again, what do I know?I’m going off clichés here.
“Want me to take your flowers down for you?”Guilia offers, and I nod with a grateful grin.We decided against bridal parties for this—Dante couldn’t find anyone willing to be a groomsman.Granted, I’m only guessing that, but I would bet money on it based on our interactions.I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be his friend.He’s got the personality of a doorknob.
Congratulations.You get to be his wife, instead.It’s a ludicrous thought and enough to make me blurt out a soft laugh before leaning in closer to the mirror so I can make sure my pearl and diamond earrings are set firmly in place.The delicate pearl bracelet on my left wrist belonged to my nonna, who would definitely hate everything about this day if she were still alive.She stuck up for me, she saw me, she let me cry on her shoulder for hours after Dad forbade Enzo from ever seeing me again, much less marrying me.The only thing I ever really wanted in this world.
Stop.Don’t.Over the years, it’s gotten easier to take those memories and block them away, but today, somebody threw away the key, and the door keeps swinging open.I came so close to having the world, didn’t I?Maybe a close call is all I can ever hope for.Most people never get their heart’s desire.
A quick rap on the door makes me jump.It opens before I have a chance to say a word, but it isn’t Mom, and it’s not Isabella or one of the girls.
At the sight of my tuxedo-clad father, I flip the mental switch that allows me to pretend to be happy.Satisfied, at least.A practiced gesture.“Dad.What do you think?”Like I did for the girls, I give him a slow turn, gritting my teeth in the closest thing to a smile I can come up with.I’m not going to cry and ruin my makeup.My tears would only make him angry, anyway, and there’s nothing in the world more terrifying than watching blank rage fill his eyes and knowing there’s nothing to do but brace for impact.He might be ill, but I know better than to underestimate him.
“Very nice, very nice.”Yeah, he’s less than disinterested, pulling out a handkerchief and rubbing it over his bald head.“It’s warm out there.We should’ve had this thing indoors.”
Exactly the kind of loving words every girl wants to hear from her daddy on her big day.“The ceremony won’t be long, and then we can go to the tent where it’s shaded.”The grounds of the Santoro estate have been completely taken over by waitstaff, wedding planners, and florists.A massive tent covers practically half of the available lawn behind the main house, while the ceremony will take place on the other half.
“I made sure it would be short,” Dad confirms as he tucks his handkerchief away.I don’t see why.He’s only going to need it again for the fresh sweat beginning to bead.“The shorter, the better.I can’t be sitting out in that hot sun for too long.”
This is not the man I knew when I was a little girl.The dad I grew up with might not have been loving, but I adored him anyway.He could do anything and was my own living, breathing superhero.The strongest, the smartest.Always energetic, magnetic.
All I see in front of me now is a sunken-eyed husk in a tuxedo.“I guess we should get down there, get it over with,” I suggest.“Then you can rest a little before the reception.”
“Just one thing…”Is this when he’s finally going to be my dad?There I was, thinking I was a grown-up, but nothing can keep me from holding my breath, hoping he can do better for me today.Just this once.But I know the answer before he says a word.I know it when his eyes harden before he lowers his brow.“Make him happy.Don’t ruin this.I need at least one of my kids to do right by us.”
So much for that.It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.“I’ll do my best.”
It’s not the first time today I’ve thought about Alessandro.My only brother, and he won’t be here.I had the same hero worship for him that I did for Dad when I was little.He was so cool, always making me laugh and promising rides in his beautiful cars.He would give me piggyback rides to the house and never get tired, no matter how many times I begged for more.
But time changes things too.I can’t pretend he is who I used to imagine when I was a kid.I don’t even think it would have been a good idea for him to show up here—he would’ve hated the thought of me marrying a Santoro.He probably would have picked a fight with Luca or one of their cousins.
This is it.
Walking down the stairs on my father’s arm.
It’s all a blur, every moment mixing with the next until all that really lands on my awareness are impressions.Flowers everywhere.The photographer, capturing our every move as we walk through the main hall leading to the rear of the house, while two Vitali guards follow close behind.Even now, Dad can’t be too careful.
There’s no turning back.I’m standing in front of French doors that will open onto the back patio, then lead down to a white runner.At the other end stands my foggy, uncertain future.
“Everybody’s waiting,” Dad reminds me as my gaze sweeps over the hundreds of people sitting in long rows, anxiously awaiting my appearance, all surrounded by countless flowers in lush arrangements.
They aren’t the people who hold my attention when the doors open and everybody turns.It’s the black-haired man at the far end of the runner.A man whose chiseled face shows none of the joy or love I always imagined I would see at this crucial moment in my life—a stranger.
One whose brief peck on the lips after a lightning-fast ceremony serves as the most anticlimactic thing imaginable.
