Camden lays his head on my shoulder, and I’m sure he can feel the tension in the air. Keeping one arm wrapped around Camden, I place the other hand over Baker’s, where it rests on his thigh. He laces our fingers together, and we both seem to relax at the small touch. His hand is warm and calloused, and his grip is firm.
“She didn’t tell them.” His words are so soft, I almost didn’t hear him.
“I’m sorry.”
“No.” He shakes his head, turning his hazel eyes my way. “Don’t apologize for her. I’ll never understand. I guess maybe she just didn’t want to be a mom, and that’s okay, but I hate it for him.” He nods toward Camden. “I hate that he’ll never know her.”
“I know this is going to sound really bad,” I say, keeping my voice quiet. “Especially where we are.” I grimace but keep talking. “I’m one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason. Cam will never know her neglect or her choice not to be a part of his life. He’ll never remember that. What he will remember is that his mom passed away in a tragic accident when he was two, and that his dad loved him enough for both of them.”
Baker’s eyes shimmer with unshed tears. “I don’t know how you knew that I needed you today, but I’m so damn thankful that you’re here, Sloane.” He squeezes my hand. “Thank you for being here for me. For him.” He nods to where Cam still rests against my shoulder, content as can be.
“Of course,” I reply, swallowing hard. “I told you, whatever you need.”
He nods and stares down at our joined hands. Surprise has a slight whoosh of air leaving my lungs when he lifts our joined hands and kisses my knuckles. “This is more than you just being here as his nanny.”
“We’re friends,” I say, my voice raspy. To give myself something to do, I begin to slowly rub Camden’s back, while his daddy has a solid grip on my other hand. He leans closer and presses his lips to my temple, and I relax into his warmth.
I’m sure that to everyone watching, we look like a loving family. We’re not, at least not the way that it seems. It’s a terrible time for my mind to race, but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if they were mine. What if I was more to them than a friend who’s helping Baker out in a pinch? What if we spent our nights cuddled together just like this, before— I shake out of my thoughts. I can’t go there. Not today. Not ever.
I’m letting the overwhelming emotions of the day paint a vision in my head that will never come to life. I’m blurring the lines, and that’s not fair to either of the Sinclair boys. Okay, Baker's not a boy, not even close, but you know what I mean. I need to be their support, the shoulder they lean on through all of this.
That’s what this is about.
Nothing more.
Now, all I have to do is keep reminding myself of that, and maybe I can stop these wayward thoughts of them being mine.
Chapter Eleven
Baker
* * *
I can’t believe she didn’t tell her future in-laws she has a son. Had a son. Fuck, that’s going to take some time to settle in my mind. It’s not just her omission of Camden’s existence that I’m grappling with.
It’s my anger.
I hate that she lost her life. I never would have wished this on her, but fuck me, I’m pissed at her. Pissed that she didn’t care more about him, and I hate myself for it. I hate that I’m angry at her because now, she’s gone. If she didn’t want to be his mom, that was an easy fix. She should have been honest and walked away. Instead, she strung us both along. And now, I’m left with this anger for her, anger at myself, and pain for my son at the loss of his mother.
Basically, my mind is a fucking land mine.
Oh, and if all of that’s not bad enough, there’s Sloane—sweet, sexy, kind-hearted, beautiful Sloane who has saved my ass the past three weeks. I’ve always known that she was gorgeous, but she was always just Corie’s best friend, my friend, and a part of our Rampage family by association.
That was until she offered to help me with Camden. Now, I’m spending time with her and coming home to a house filled with laughter and sexy grins. Then today, she stepped up for me in a big way. She managed an outfit for Camden that I hadn’t considered. She sent flowers on my behalf, and she’s here, holding my hand, giving me her support, asking me to lean on her, and fuck, it’s doing something to me.
I exhale a sigh of relief once the service is over. I stand, still keeping Sloane’s hand in mine, and help her to her feet. “I can take him.” I start to reach for my son, who fell asleep against her chest, but she shakes her head.
“He’s fine. We don’t want to move him more than necessary, or he’ll wake up.”
“Okay.” I nod, grab the small diaper bag, and toss it over my shoulder before placing my hand on the small of her back and leading her out of the building and to the car. There wasn’t a graveside service, and there’s nothing more to say. I’ve offered my condolences to Levi’s family, and Natasha didn’t have family outside of my little man sleeping soundly against Sloane’s chest.
Maybe that’s why she was so disconnected from Camden. Honestly, I’m not sure, and I’ll never know, so I need to stop obsessing over it and move forward. I’ll never say a bad word about her to my son. Why cause him more pain when he’s already going to be dealing with the fact that he never knew her, and there are very few pictures of them together because she was never around?
“You okay?” Sloane asks as we reach my SUV, and I open the back door for her to place Camden in his car seat.
“I will be.” I offer her a smile, and it’s a genuine one, because Sloane being here makes this day more bearable.
“Swoan, pway,” Camden mumbles, and she laughs softly.
