This.
But as we walk inside and Elena launches herself at me, chattering about her day, I can't shake the feeling that I don't get to choose.
That Naples, and whoever I was there, is coming for me.
And when it does, I'm going to have to decide who I truly am. The monster I was, or the man I want to be.
The problem is, I don't know if I’ll be given the choice or if it will be made for me.
After dinner, after Elena is in bed, Isabella and I sit at the kitchen table. The fifty euros are on the table between us, already divided in her mind, I'm sure, into which bills to pay first.
"I heard something today," I say carefully. "At the construction site."
She looks up, alert. "What?"
"Two men talking. About Naples. About a boss who disappeared a few weeks ago. About a power struggle."
Her face goes pale. "Is it you?"
"I don't know. Maybe. The timing is right. And when they said Naples," I trail off, trying to find the words. "Something in me recognized it. Like I know that city. Like I've been there many times."
"What else did they say?"
"Nothing specific. Just that whoever disappeared is probably dead or in hiding. That people are fighting over his territory."
She's quiet for a long moment. "If you're that person, if you're this missing boss, then people are looking for you. Dangerous people. They could find you. What do we do?"
I reach across the table and take her hand. "I keep working. I keep making money. And I keep protecting you. Whatever comes, whoever I was, I'll deal with it."
"You can't fight an entire organization."
"Maybe not. But I can fight anyone who tries to hurt you or Elena. And I will."
She squeezes my hand, but I can see the fear in her eyes. She's thinking the same thing I am.
This can't last. This fragile peace, this temporary happiness, it's all on borrowed time.
Eventually, my past is going to catch up with me. And when it does, everything is going to fall apart.
But for tonight, I let myself have this.
Her hand in mine. Her trust. Her hope.
Tomorrow, I'll go back to the construction site. I'll work until my body breaks for them. I'll bring home every euro I can.
And I'll prepare for the moment when everything I'm trying to build comes crashing down.
Because it's coming. I can feel it.
The question is whether I'll be strong enough to protect them when it does.
Whether the man I want to be can survive the monster I'm becoming again.
Chapter 16: Isabella
He comes home after sunset, and I know immediately something's wrong.
The way he's moving, too carefully, favoring his left side. The way he won't quite meet my eyes when he walks into the yard.
