My first reaction was a rush of giddiness. He didn’t want me to go? But then I realised his expression wasn’tdon’t go because now you’re here I don’t want to let you go againit was moreI’m not happy about this either. I asked, ‘What do you mean?’
He said, ‘Come with me.’
I put down the pen and followed him through the kitchen, out a door, up some stone steps and into a majestic entrance hall. Stone floors. I stopped in my tracks when I saw a huge luxuriously decorated Christmas tree sporting tartan ribbons and gorgeous sparkly ornaments. The lights weren’t lit but I could imagine how impressive it would be when they were.
I was momentarily thrown back in time to when I’d been smaller and my father had hired someone to decorate the tree. And underneath would be heaving with beautifully packaged presents.
He’d never understood that I would have taken a five-foot plastic tree any day and no presents if it had meant him spending time with me decorating it. Instead, he’d tried to buy his way out of the guilt of having an affair with his secretary, who he’d subsequently married and now had a second family with. My mother and I had been jettisoned as if we’d been the unfortunate starter family that hadn’t made the cut, leaving me with an acute sense of betrayal and rejection.
I could see into a reception room. It too was lavishly decorated for Christmas with another tree and a gorgeous gorse and heather garland that was strung across a massive fireplace, big enough to stand in.
Massive oil paintings covered the walls, of serious-looking people with vague resemblances to Jamie. Strong bones. Dark blond hair. Maybe Jamie’s family had some Viking origins?
He spoke, breaking me out of my trance. ‘Rhona had the place decorated in case we had a last-minute booking.’
He sounded like he didn’t approve. I turned around and he went to the imposing front door, opening it up and letting in a blast of cold air. I shivered.
‘Come and look.’
I dutifully went to the door and all I could see was white. Snow was already up to the second step.
‘You can’t leave now, Lucy.’
Not because he didn’t want me to, but because I literally couldn’t leave.
CHAPTER 6
Jamie
Jamie closed the door again. Lucy stood in the gloom of the hall against the backdrop of the unlit Christmas decorations that mocked him every time he looked at them. He would have taken them down today if she hadn’t arrived. He couldn’t remember celebrating a festive Christmas in years.
Lucy looked crestfallen. Her eagerness to leave and the fact that she had no interest in having a stake in the castle merely proved to Jamie that there was nothing here for her. Including him.
He suddenly thought of something and asked her abruptly, ‘Are you with someone? Is that why you assumed I wanted to talk about divorce?’ Maybe that’s why she’d been so intent about delivering the divorce papers personally. She wouldn’t have had his address before now.
Lucy looked at him, surprised. And then guarded. ‘No.’ And then, ‘At least, not right now.’
So she had been with someone? Jamie had to ignore the way his insides roiled a little and a red hot sensation filled his chest. He had no hold over her. The fact that he hadn’t been with anyone in the meantime felt far too exposing.
The day of reckoning was here and it had come right to his door, ready or not. Was he a total fucking coward to be glad she hadn’t quizzedhimon whether or not he was with anyone? Or had been?Yes.His conscience answered him cheerfully.
Before she could, he said, ‘But you wanted to get back to Dublin for Christmas?’
Christmas Eve was the next day. Unless there was a miraculous change in the weather, they’d be here through Christmas. Jamie had been perfectly resigned to his own solo season but hadn’t prepared for a guest to witness his Grinch mode activated.
She looked like she didn’t want to answer but then she said, ‘Um, actually, not especially. I was going to be on my own this year.’
Jamie remembered her telling him her folks had divorced, like his had, and bonding over experiencing similar shit show divorce situations.
She said, ‘My father has a new young family now, they’re busy.’
Jamie read between the lines. No time for a grown-up daughter.
‘And my mother is in India on a silent retreat. She’s going through a phase of seeking.’
Lucy did air quotes when she saidseeking.
So they’d both have been solo in any case. He called himself an absolute dick for feeling relieved to hear she didn’t have some intimate Christmas planned with a lover. He also called himself a dick for being very much aware of her. And for wondering if the electrical current he could feel was mutual or one-sided.
