He swallowed some food. ‘You’re running your own company, that’s really impressive, Luce.’
‘Yes.’ I felt a glow of warmth and forgave him for not acknowledging it earlier. ‘It’s an events company but mainly weddings.’
It had actually been at a wedding earlier that year, when I’d tried flirting with one of the groomsmen purely to see if it sparked anything – and it hadn’t – that I’d known I should be more proactive about tracking Jamie down.
We were finally gaining closure, but what was going on here didn’t feel like closure. It felt like a new beginning and that terrified me because I wasn’t sure I could take him rejecting me again.
In a bid to divert his attention, I asked, ‘So who was the other boy in that photo?’
CHAPTER 12
Jamie
It was such an innocuous question but it reverberated through Jamie like a bomb going off. He looked at Lucy because that was preferable to thinking about what she’d just asked. She was so fucking beautiful sitting here. Her hair was still a little damp and she’d pulled it to one side, over her shoulder.
Her face was clean of any make-up, those freckles making him itch to count them.
Her eyes... he could never get tired of looking at them.
But he couldn’t avoid answering her forever. He said, ‘He was my older brother, Callum.’ He waited for the inevitable sting of pain, but it didn’t come. Oh, it was there, but it felt less... sharp.
Lucy’s eyes widened. ‘Was...?’
He nodded. ‘He died. Here. Well, not at the castle. It was at a loch not too far from here. We’d gone swimming. He dove in and hit his head off a submerged rock. I tried to save him... but he was gone... I don’t think he even drowned, it was that instantaneous.’
Lucy was pale. Then she got up and came over and sat down into his lap. Jamie’s arms went around her automatically, needing to feel her. She put her hands to his face, thumbsrubbing back and forth and it was only then that he realised he was crying silently.
‘I’m so sorry you lost him, Jamie...’ She pressed a kiss to his mouth. Sweet and innocent.
She pulled back and he saw the sheen in her eyes. Felt the palpable emotion. She wasn’t asking why he hadn’t told her before now. She got it.
She said, ‘You’ve blamed yourself haven’t you?’
Jamie’s insides clenched tight, memories of his mother’s shrieking and wailing and blaming. ‘It was my idea. My mother... Callum wasn’t our father’s. He was the product of a love affair. She’s never forgiven me.’
Lucy shook her head. ‘It wasn’t up to her to forgive. It was a horrific tragic accident and it wasn’t fair and it’ll never have been fair. But you can’t take his place.’
The fact that she’d intuited the wish Jamie had had for so long made him feel vulnerable. But when he might have pushed someone away for getting too close, he didn’t want to push Lucy away. He’d pushed her away before and he’d made himself busy in the intervening years to avoid the regret that had eaten him alive. But, he hadn’t felt like he deserved her. She was so bright. Alive. Sexy. Gorgeous. He’d felt he’d taint her.
He admitted, ‘It took almost dying in the jungle to make me realise how much I was insulting Cal by half-living.’ And, how much he wanted to see her again.
‘Good,’ Lucy said and then added quickly, ‘Not you almost dying, but good that you realised how valuable you are.’ Her eyes filled up and she whispered, ‘I can’t believe you almost died, Jamie, and I might not have even known.’
He held her tight. ‘I didn’t die, I’m right here.’
A sense of urgency seemed to grip them both at the same moment and Jamie surged up out of the seat and carried her with him, all the way back up to the bedroom. They were nakedin seconds and moving together and then Jamie reared back, breathing harshly.
Lucy looked up at him. ‘What? What’s wrong?’
‘You, here...this, it’s hard to process.’ Plus the fact that he’d just told hereverything.The deepest part of him.
CHAPTER 13
Lucy
Isensed Jamie’s need to feel in control. I was still reeling from what he’d just told me. I spied something bright red and green – a tartan ribbon around one of the bed posts and reached for it. I held it out to him and he took it looking at me.
‘What’s this for?’
