Maybe this isn’t his way versus my way. Maybe we could create…ourway?
I squeeze his hands and then release them, sitting back so there’s a bit of space between us. “I appreciate that, but maybe I should actually go first. Where do I start?”
“Anywhere you like. I’m listening.”
What the heck. I don't have anything to lose. If I spill my guts, and Kai thinks I'm too weird for a real relationship, he's so open and honest that he will just say so.
But I don't think he will.
"Let’s start with the short version," I begin slowly. “Maybe someday I'll get into more detail."
"That's cool."
My shoulders roll back as I try to stay relaxed. "I grew up in a very small town. Everyone knew everyone else. Which was nice, to a point. When I was little, that meant that every parent was kind of watching out for all the kids. There was a real spirit of community."
Kai nods thoughtfully. “We have a lot of that here in Old Hemlock Valley, too. Go on.”
"I'm not sure what happened to her when I was about nine, but Mom started…pulling inward. Every few months we would drive to a big box store in the next town to do a huge grocery shop. And then one day that just…stopped. She didn’t want toleave town. Then she stopped going to the other side of our town. Next, she wouldn't leave our neighborhood."
His warm palm lands on my knee, squeezes gently, then pulls away again.
"Pretty soon the only places Mom would go were all within a twelve-block radius of our house. She didn’t want to drive. The grocery store and drugstore were the only places we’d visit. I was going to school on my own by then, thank goodness. The school was across a main street and outside of her comfort zone."
"Do you know what happened to trigger all this?" Kai asks softly.
"No. Dad didn't, either. Maybe she saw something on the news, or a friend told her a horror story. But she just began shutting down. Her world got smaller and smaller until…" I stare down at the floor, shaking my head. "She just sort of slipped away."
Kai nods, taking my hand. "And your dad?"
“He traveled a lot for work. He did his best, but they had emotionally gone their separate ways years before.”
Taking another deep breath, I decide to just spit out the rest of it. "Mom got sick, but refused to go to the doctor, since he was ‘too far away’. Dad was on a business trip for a few days. I remember being so jealous of him that he was free to go and do whatever he wanted. When he got back, he managed to get Mom to go to the hospital, but it was too late." I shake my head. “I can't remember the name of what she had, but it was made worse by a lack of vitamin D and exercise. I think it was more than that, though." I look down, picking at my thumbnail. "Her world got so tiny that she just lost all interest in it. And we were similar in many ways, so I guess I'm terrified that I could snap and follow in her footsteps someday."
Kai nods, taking my hand. "And that’s why you want to make sure that you take after your dad instead and see the world?"
"Exactly. I swore I would make it my life’s mission when I finished school. Then dad got sick too, and made me swear to make the most of his RV after he was gone."
Kai’s thick arms enfold me as he pulls me into his lap, stroking my back. "Baby, thank you so much for telling me all that.”
He rocks me gently for a moment, then meets my eyes with a breathtaking smile. "What if we make the most of the RV every summer? I'm sure your father wouldn't want you hitting the road in the dead of winter."
"Of course he wouldn’t."
"And we can also embrace the spirit of travel in other ways…like airplanes?"
"I guess."
"Do you want to settle down and start a family someday, baby? I couldn't imagine raising kids on the road."
"Oh, I definitely want kids, after I’ve spent at least a year or two traveling. But I want to travel with them so they see the world and don't get stuck in a gray bubble of complacency."
"Okay. So, what if we travel at least every…month? Two months? We'll plan trips to anywhere you want to go, plus take advantage of upcoming conferences where I have to present, or those times when I have to meet with new clients in person."
His fingers trace around my knee, his other palm stroking gently up and down my spine. “We'll go for road trips in the summer. We could also fly to the other side of the country and rent an RV there for a week or two, to save going all the way across the middle."
"What about you, though?" I ask. "Old Hemlock Valley is your home. It's your entire life."
Kai grins, his eyes sparkling. "Baby, I can work anywhere. I truly enjoyed traveling with you, because you made everything more exciting. It wasn't a chore. All of a sudden, it was anadventure. Tell you what: why don't we travel as much as possible for a few years, knowing we'll have to slow down while the kids are super tiny?"
