Laurie is laughing and talking at volume with her cousins and her friends, and Mella is talking to my parents, her new husband at her side.
I tell myself my eyes aren’t scanning the yard for Amber, that I’m just looking for more of my family. I know I damn well shouldn’t be looking for her. I’m steeling myself for the gut punch when I finally see her on the arm of her fiance, probably some young tech bro, some ridiculously handsome young manwith perfect white teeth and smooth hair that doesn’t have a single strand of gray. Probably tanned and dressed in fucking Ralph Lauren.
Easy, man. Calm down.
I exhale through gritted teeth, and Felicity looks up at me with raised eyebrows.
“Something wrong?”
I quickly shake my head, forcing a smile and looking out over the yard.
And there she is.
Amber’s standing by the old barn, a glass of champagne in her delicate fingers, talking to a young man who has his back to me. She’s smiling up at him, her skin glowing against the electric blue of her dress. Her hair is so long now, hanging down almost to her ass in a curly, swept-back low ponytail. The dress is short and shows off her long legs, which look even longer in the heels she’s wearing.
She raises the glass to her lips, taking a sip as she smiles and nods, her gaze wandering from the man’s face - and straight to mine.
My heart stops.
The smile fades from her lips, and we’re probably making this really fucking obvious, just staring at each other across the yard. She’s standing next to the man I assume is her fiancé, and she’s staring right at another man.
“Theo?” My sister’s voice jolts me back to reality, and I remember where I am and what I’m meant to be doing.
I clear my throat and look down at my sister with a smile. “Sorry, zoned out for a second. There’s so many people here.”
I cast another glance over at Amber, who’s resumed her conversation with the man, but her eyes flash in my direction. I force myself to look away, and go to greet my family and Mella.
I make pleasant small talk, and someone presses a drink into my hand, which I drink without even tasting it or thinking about what it is. I try not to look for Amber, because that would be creepy, but I can’t help but somehow be aware of where she is, warm like the sun as she moves around the party.
The man I assumed was her fiancé turns out to be the brother of one of the other boys here, and I can’t help but wonder where her fiancé is. He should be at this party. It’s an important night for Amber. The fact he’s not in attendance makes me irrationally angry.
After making more small talk and drinking more drinks I don’t even pay attention to, my brain starts to feel fuzzy. I’m almost worn out from being so hyper-aware of where Amber is, and I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to try and take a breath and get a handle on myself. This isn’t helpful, or healthy.
The music fades as I move through the house, past the kitchen where the caterers are busily preparing more food.I turn a corner, into a room furnished with just an artfully beige bookshelf, and a desk under the window. I stand in the middle of the room and look out at the fading light, and take a deep breath.
Calm down, man. You’re putting way too much thought into this. It was one weekend, almost two years ago. The girl’s moved on. You’ll barely see her anymore after tonight. Just let it go.
“Theo?”
The sweet voice makes my heart propel through my body like a tornado.
I spin around, and Amber’s standing there in the doorway, her hand with pretty white-tipped nails against the door frame. Her lips lift into a small, uncertain smile.
“Hi,” she says softly.
“Hi.” All I can say is that one stupid word.
Amber steps into the room, fidgeting with her hands. “You look really nice.”
“I, uh, thanks, I mean… You do… too. Look gorgeous. I mean.”
She giggles, her cheeks flushing pink. “Thank you.” She takes another step closer. “It’s really good to see you.”
“You, too.” I want to apologise for not seeing her, for not talking to her, for not doing anything I should have done in the past… How long has it been? I had a counter going. 500 days? More? I don’t know. I should know. But I don’t do that. “I guess congratulations are in order. I heard you made Valedictorian.”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and shrugs. “Yeah. I did. It was, ummm… I guess I really found my calling.”
“I told you, Amber Pope, future bridge builder.” I take a deep breath and look at the ground. “I guess it won’t be Amber Pope for much longer though, huh?” I look back up at her, unprepared for the pain in her face. “I mean… Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound-”
