“Goddammit, Dad, what is going on?” Laurie’s furious voice sounds down the line, and instantly I feel ashamed. “I have been snapping and texting you all morning and you haven’t responded once!”
“I-I’m sorry, peanut, I, uh…” I turn to look at Amber, who’s staring determinedly out the window. “I told you, I’m working on my thesis. I’m sorry I-” I cut off and clutch the phone tighter in my hand. “Is something wrong? Are you OK?”
Laurie exhales heavily, and then sniffles, like she’s crying. “I-I’m fine. I mean, nothing happened, I just…” She sucks in a shaky breath. “I wanted to talk to you, and I…” She lets out a little sob, and my heart is threatening to beat out of my chest.
“Laurie, what’s happened? Is your mother alright? Did-”
“Her boyfriend proposed at dinner last night,” Laurie interjects over another shaky breath. “And mom said yes.”
“Oh,” I reply stupidly, folding my arm over my chest and staring down at my feet. “You’re not happy about it?”
“No,no.” Laurie puffs out a breath and makes a sound like a little growl. “God, I am such a fucking child. Why am I this upset? You and Mom have been divorced for like 7 years, it’s not like I thought you two were going to get back together.”
“It’s a change, peanut, and it’s a big one, y’know?” I turn to look at Amber, who is still gazing out the window at the leaves as they wave about in the strong wind that’s sprung up. “It’s someone new in your Mom’s life, and an important someone. Even if you’re happy for her, and you like him-”
“Arnold,” she interjects with a sniffle. “His name is Arnold, and he’s a dentist.”
“Well, even if you like Arnold the dentist, you’re allowed to feel what you feel.”
“And I’ve been trying to call Amber, and she’s not answering either, and… I just felt so alone.” Laurie starts to cry in earnest, and I feel like an entire sack of shit.
“Oh, peanut, I’m sorry.” I squeeze my eyes shut to stop myself being swallowed down by guilt and shame. My daughter has been dealing with all this shit alone while I’ve been fucking her best friend.Grade A parenting, you fucking asshole.
“No, it’s fine,” Laurie says, sniffling and clearing her throat. “I’m being such a fucking baby. It’s not even a bad thing. It’s great. He is really nice, he adores Mom, Grandma and Grandpa love him. And he’s really nice to me.”
“That matters a lot to me, y’know.”
“I know,” Laurie murmurs, and puffs out a breath. “It’s just a lot, Dad. Everything’s changing, and sometimes I get really scared. It’s so dumb, I’m too old to feel this way.”
I laugh gently. “My brilliant girl, I still feel that way sometimes, and I am a little older than you.”
“Really?”
I look at Amber’s profile, trying not to think about the storm of butterflies that springs up as she drapes herself over the couch, resting her chin on the back of her hand as she gazes over at me with those big brown eyes.
“Oh yes,” I reply. “Sometimes the world feels like it’s spinning away from you no matter how hard you try to stand still. Every now and then, you just have to let it take you with it, because who knows what could happen. Who you could meet.”
“That’s a really nice way of looking at it.” She sniffles again and laughs softly. “I feel so stupid.”
“You are not stupid.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” she mumbles. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologise. Are you OK now?”
“Yeah, I am, promise.” She chuckles amidst her sniffles. “I am, really. I was just in my feelings.”
Someone in the distance calls her name, and there’s a shuffling sound as Laurie seems to get to her feet. “I have to go, I was kind of hiding behind the garage, and now Grandma’s looking for me.”
“If you need to talk again, you can call me.”
“I know, Daddy. I love you.”
“I love you, too, peanut.”
The line goes dead, and I wait for a moment with the phone to my ear before putting it back down in the cradle.
Amber’s eyebrows are drawn up as I sit back down beside her.
