I clench my eyes shut, cursing myself for not remembering that my own brother’s mother-in-law was fighting cancer for the last three years. “Shit, of course, I’m so glad to hear she’s doing good.”
“Hey, no it’s alright, we all got our own stuff going on, right?” A screen door slams in the background, and a dog barks. “Sisco, stop.” Martin snaps, and the dog complains quietly. “Good boy. So,” his voice gets louder as it’s clear he’s talking to me again. “How are you, anyway? Enjoying the empty nest?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” I cast a glance up at the ceiling, in the direction of my bedroom. “I, uh, I actually… Um, met someone.”
“Oh,” Martin’s voice brightens instantly. “That’s great, do I know her?”
“No, no.” I say it too fast, and clear my throat. “No, she’s, uh, someone from college.”Idiot. I clench my eyes shut, because while it’s technically not a lie, I don’t tell my brother that it’s someone not frommy college, and definitely not a colleague. “But, you know, it’s nothing serious or anything, we’re just um… Anyhow-”
“Is something wrong?” Martin interjects. “You sound… weird.”
“No, I’m fine, I’m fine, I just…” I take a deep breath. What did I want? What did I even want to say to Martin about all this? “I don’t know. This woman, she makes me feel like I’m some young man again, y’know?”
“Well, that’s good. Just don’t tell Mom, she’ll be planning your wedding before you know it.”
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah I don’t think this girl wants to get married to me.”
“Uh-oh.”
My stomach drops, because I just used the wordgirllike a total idiot. “I mean-”
“You know what you sound like?”
I shake my head as though Martin could hear the metal balls rolling around inside my stupid hollow skull. “What?”
“Like when you met Mella.” Martin laughs again. “I remember you calling me and saying, Oh this girl is amazing but she would never marry a schmuck like me, and then, next thing you know she’s at our house and mom’s asking her which one of the family rings she wants for your engagement.”
“I promise you, it’s nothing like that.” I laugh, the sound a little harsher than I intended. “There’s… plenty of reasons why, but… I think it’s more about how I feel like myself around her. In a way I haven’t, y’know. In a really long time.”
“And that’s great. It’s easy to lose yourself in the Every Day.” Martin takes a sip of something, probably his morning coffee, and sighs. “Especially when we have kids. I know it’s different for women, but Joanna struggled with it a lot, cutting her hair and dressing differently after Riley was born. She struggled with her own identity outside of being someone’s mom, and it took her a long time to regain that because, y’know, society.”
“I can only imagine how tough that would have been.”
“But, even for us, at least the half decent fathers among us, we change too. And it’s not easy, is it? Waking up one day to look in the mirror and see your hair’s turning grey and you need glasses and you’re thicker around the middle than you remember being.” He chuckles softly. “I mean, maybe not for you, Mr Universe, but for the rest of us.”
“Yeah yeah, I still look more like dad than I’d like to admit,” I say with a laugh.
“Oh god, don’t remind me. When did we all get as old as he was?” He grunts out a laugh, then exhales heavily. “Well, even if it’s not super serious with this woman, I’m glad that you’re having fun and finding yourself a little again. We were all worried about you for a while there.”
I swallow hard, and my face feels hot. “You were?”
“Sure. After the divorce, you were so sad. For a really long time, too. And then, what was her name?”
My heart sinks, and I puff out a breath as I look down at the floor, grinding my foot into the wood. “Tanya.”
“Yeah, that bitch.” Martin grumbles out an insult I don’t quite catch, but if he covered it after calling my ex-girlfriend a bitch, it was probablyreallybad. “You were a wreck after her. Mom nearly moved down there to be with you.”
I suddenly feel funny, wobbly and dizzy, and I lean heavily against the window frame to keep myself steady. “I think it was just rebounding from Mella, and then from… Tanya.” Saying her name twice in a short space of time makes my mouth sour. “But I’m fine now. Really.”
“Good. That makes me happy.” Martin’s voice fades a little, as he talks to someone in the background. “Sorry, I’m going to have to cut this short, Jasper has baseball.”
“Not a problem, tell him I said hi.”
“Uncle Theo says hi,” Martin says to his son, and I hear a loudHi Uncle Theo!in the background. “I’ll call you later, unless… you’re busy?” His tone is teasing, and I roll my eyes.
“I’ll call you next week.”
“Oh, so youarebusy.”
